Did i make the right decision?

[Cm87]

I recently reconnected with a girl i went to high school with. We dated for six months and talked about a future together. I fell in Love with her and she did with me. She became completely dedicated to me, her love for me was strong and i felt it, she did anything for me and started talking marriage and she is definitely wife material.

 

The issue is I'm not a relationship person and well..I didn’t tell her that in the beginning. I was planning to remain single for awhile but I had to make the exception for this girl because I had always liked her. Most of my relationships have not lasted more than six months because of me… the only difference with this one is that she is different and i actually developed feelings for the first time in my life. A month in i started getting frustrated with her questioning me like any girlfriend would about minor issues and keeping tabs on me not to an extreme but anyone would consider it normal since we didn’t live together. Anyways, the non-relationship side of me took over me and became stressed out bad and just wanted to be alone again...no questions, no tracking, no little issues...just me doing me.

 

I broke up with her and she begged me so much not to let her go...it was extremely heart breaking for me and especially for her and i feel so guilty about it because she really did care about me but i knew that deep down inside I didn’t want to be in a relationship..not because i like being on the prowl for women but because simply I’m a loner. I know I’m at fault for this but could there have been an alternate solution to this to where it didn’t have to hurt so bad? BTW, we’re both in our 30s with no kids.

[ash-maree]

Most women are going to want to keep up with you and know what's going on in your life, especially if you've only been dating for a few months. Think of it as a positive thing that she wants to ask about your life and minor issues, communication is vital in relationships and she was just trying to open you up, just as you would expect her to be if asked about those things. She will eventually lay off a bit as it becomes more long term but you have to endure the rain before you get the rainbow. My boyfriend was the same, he is a bit of a loner and just enjoyed the single life but he made changes for me and understands that everything I do is out of concern and love for him. Of course he still gets a bit annoyed at me sometimes but it's not something worth ending a relationship over, especially if you see it lasting long term. Of course I don't know the extent of her questioning but I think if you are just fully open and happy to talk to her, even when it's beyond annoying, then it will slowly become less frequent. Sure she'll wanna know what you're upto a bit more if you live separately but that is because she wants to be involved. If it gets too much then simply talk to her about it and ask for a little more space, I'm sure if she loves you she will understand and be happy to make it work for both of you.

[Mister Zen]

Being true to yourself is always the right decision.

 

Never change for anyone.

[ExpatInItaly]

You did the right thing. The only thing you could have done differently is give her the heads-up that you were not looking for something serious. And no, there's really no other way you could have done this without causing her pain.

 

Your goals simply don't match up. She will eventually move on and find someone else who is better suited to her. She will be okay.

[Toodaloo]

You idiot.

 

Instead of addressing your issues that you know you have and dealing with them you have ballsed up BIG time. You can still be bit of a loner and have a healthy relationship.

 

You did the right thing. She deserves better and you would have wasted her time.

 

Sort yourself out. You have just lost out big time - if you don't sort yourself you will end up doing it again... and again... and again...

[Cm87]

Thank you all for your feedback.

[Diezel]

You idiot.

 

Instead of addressing your issues that you know you have and dealing with them you have ballsed up BIG time. You can still be bit of a loner and have a healthy relationship.

 

You did the right thing. She deserves better and you would have wasted her time.

 

Sort yourself out. You have just lost out big time - if you don't sort yourself you will end up doing it again... and again... and again...

 

Relax, there are many other women out there. He has time to figure it out.

[Assasda]

You did the right think man.

 

She wouldnt give you her space.

Maybe next time you'll find a woman that will give you space, or maybe you'll reconnect with her, and she'll give you your space, dont worry about it

[Mister Zen]

You idiot.

 

Instead of addressing your issues that you know you have and dealing with them you have ballsed up BIG time. You can still be bit of a loner and have a healthy relationship.

 

You did the right thing. She deserves better and you would have wasted her time.

 

Sort yourself out. You have just lost out big time - if you don't sort yourself you will end up doing it again... and again... and again...

 

I disagree. I think he deserves better and she blew it.

 

Why do you automatically assume the woman is higher value in this situation?

[Toodaloo]

I disagree. I think he deserves better and she blew it.

 

Why do you automatically assume the woman is higher value in this situation?

 

He has already said how deeply he cares about her and that she did nothing wrong...

 

 

I think he just needs to be more honest with himself (which he is doing) and also with the people he dates. If they have no clue that he needs a lot of space and time to himself how on earth are they supposed to know to do that?

 

 

So now he is hurting like hell and all for the sake of sitting this girl down and explaining how he feels and asking if he could have a little more alone time - which by the sounds of things she would have been happy to give...! He could have had one very good relationship there... He has missed out.

 

 

This is the type of woman who even after marriage would allow his to go and do his "thing" and be happy to do her own. He has already said she is the sort of woman he wants to marry. He has thought about it so obviously she has hit a nerve there. We are all here trying to figure this thing called "love" out and he had it or a very good chance at it...

 

 

That said. He has done the right thing. He wasn't coping and was becoming miserable, which is no fun for anyone... He did something about it and did it in a "proper" way. So he is right. Sometimes you have to be an idiot to do the right thing... He knew he wasn't going to be able to treat her the way she deserves and did something about it. Its not about the OP being "unworthy" or "inadequate" - its about this poor lass deserving someone who is able to be honest about their feelings. OP can't do that at this point in time...

 

 

I hope that next time he finds a "cracker" like this one, he is better equipped to be honest both with himself and her to prevent this happening again and have a real chance of being happy. Good luck OP. Will keep my fingers crossed for you.

[Cm87]

He has already said how deeply he cares about her and that she did nothing wrong...

 

 

I think he just needs to be more honest with himself (which he is doing) and also with the people he dates. If they have no clue that he needs a lot of space and time to himself how on earth are they supposed to know to do that?

 

 

So now he is hurting like hell and all for the sake of sitting this girl down and explaining how he feels and asking if he could have a little more alone time - which by the sounds of things she would have been happy to give...! He could have had one very good relationship there... He has missed out.

 

 

This is the type of woman who even after marriage would allow his to go and do his "thing" and be happy to do her own. He has already said she is the sort of woman he wants to marry. He has thought about it so obviously she has hit a nerve there. We are all here trying to figure this thing called "love" out and he had it or a very good chance at it...

 

 

That said. He has done the right thing. He wasn't coping and was becoming miserable, which is no fun for anyone... He did something about it and did it in a "proper" way. So he is right. Sometimes you have to be an idiot to do the right thing... He knew he wasn't going to be able to treat her the way she deserves and did something about it. Its not about the OP being "unworthy" or "inadequate" - its about this poor lass deserving someone who is able to be honest about their feelings. OP can't do that at this point in time...

 

 

I hope that next time he finds a "cracker" like this one, he is better equipped to be honest both with himself and her to prevent this happening again and have a real chance of being happy. Good luck OP. Will keep my fingers crossed for you.

 

Thanks Toodaloo, besides not currently being a "relationship person" at this time, I definitely learned a lot more about myself from this past short relationship unfortunately at the expense of emotional pain for the both of us. Deep down i also want to build a future with someone but am not willing to meet them half way to make it work. I've been told that when the "the one" comes along that my mentality will change and I hope they are right.

[mightycpa]

You idiot.

 

Instead of addressing your issues that you know you have and dealing with them you have ballsed up BIG time. You can still be bit of a loner and have a healthy relationship.

 

You did the right thing. She deserves better and you would have wasted her time.

 

Sort yourself out. You have just lost out big time - if you don't sort yourself you will end up doing it again... and again... and again...

 

OUCH! Do I sense some disapproval here?

[mightycpa]

Thanks Toodaloo, besides not currently being a "relationship person" at this time, I definitely learned a lot more about myself from this past short relationship unfortunately at the expense of emotional pain for the both of us. Deep down i also want to build a future with someone but am not willing to meet them half way to make it work. I've been told that when the "the one" comes along that my mentality will change and I hope they are right.

 

Yeah, about that. When the right one comes along, you'd better be ready, or else, you'll lose the right one, THEN you'll change, and you'll live with some level of regret that you did things in the wrong order and were not proactive.

[RonaldS]

You did the right thing. In the future, be upfront about that.

 

Then, decide if you ever really want a long-term relationship. If you sense that you have issues that preclude you from having healthy relationships, work on getting those issues fixed or resolved. Not for the purpose of ultimately being able to have a relationship (which you don't even know if you want), but so that you can be a relatively healthy, balanced individual.

 

And don't sweat losing 'the one'. There are thousands of 'the one's out there. Relationships are like jobs. You can get a crappy one anytime you want, and even when you have a really good one, you could probably have one that's even better. And the only way to truly be happy with a job is when you reach that point where you do something simply because you love it and it's what you were meant to do.