How do I move on?

[hotchocolate111]

We dated for 4 months and all of a sudden at the end he was really mean and rude and he broke up with me because he said he couldn't handle a relationship with anyone blah blah blah. We go to the same university and I was just really sad and lost and he was giving me mixed signals so for about a month afterward we hooked up several times, I cried to him several times, and he got mad at me several times. At the end of the semester he told me he didn't want to talk to me and I was like "forever?" and he said "I didn't say that". He said if he feels more mature and like he can handle a relationship and we are both ready then maybe we can get back together one day but not now and I needed to leave him alone because he said it hurts too much to be just friends with me. So I left him alone. Didn't contact him for 4 months (summer came and then a few weeks of school passed), then I saw him in the library this semester. Said hi, everything was fine. He wasn't particularly pleasant but he asked me how I was, etc. I asked if we were cool and he said yes.

A week later I texted him simply saying "Hi, how are you?" because to be honest I kept thinking about him and I thought at least if we're friends I won't feel so awful about the whole situation. He texted back this long novel saying how he doesn't want to speak to me again, he said "I'm not mad I promise" but trying to be friends last semester didn't work and he just wants to move on with his life and I should too. That I'm okay in his book as long as I don't contact him again and at the end he said "I know this sounds harsh but I don't want to go down the same road again".

I can't explain how or why that text made me feel so completely awful. I didn't know if it was because of how embarrassed and worthless I felt or because I never came to terms with the fact that I'd never speak to him again.

I just texted back something like :I didn't want you to get the wrong idea, just wanted to see how you were doing. Since so much time has passed I didn't expect you to react so strongly." He didn't respond to that.

I mean really 4 months without contact, I at least thought he wouldn't be so vicious. And its not like I asked him on a date or anything, I simply asked how he was doing. It wasn't leading anywhere to me, I just genuinely wanted to know how he was and maybe have an actual conversation, get some closure, and be able to run into each other once in awhile and catch up just to know he's good, his family is good, etc.

I've seen him a few times since then and just acted like I didn't see him and walked by. Since then I've felt truly horrible. I have friends who make me laugh and are awesome but when I'm by myself (which must happen at some point in the day) I feel this overwhelming loneliness and sadness. I just don't understand how he could be so cruel. Its not like I ever did anything to him like cheat on him or physically hurt him or something unforgivable. I was really sad after our break up and expressed this to him several times but I didn't think he would never want to speak to me again. It just makes me feel really bad and I just want to forget about him and I'm trying very hard. I'm in several clubs, very involved in my academics, I exercise when I have time, and I hangout with my amazing friends. But I still have serious emotional problems and we've been broken up for 5 months now and I just need to move on and understand why he is behaving this way so I can find some sense of closure that he will obviously never give me.

 

So why did he behave this way? And how can I move on because I'm like breaking down at least once a day and feel very sad & distracted which is affecting my studies.

[d0nnivain]

I don't think he was vicious. He may have been blunt because you don't seem to be getting the message. He doesn't want to date you & he doesn't want to be your friend.

 

If you see him on campus all he gets is a tight smile & a curt nod. No actual conversation & no more reaching out to him in any method -- text, call, FB, etc. Just leave him be.

 

You get over him by putting things that remind you of him away. You tell yourself it's over & can't be fixed. You surround yourself with good friends & you do things to distract yourself from him until you find a new obsession.

[lovemeforareason]

Dearest, I do understand your pain and you are not the only one who is going through such situations. there are some odd guys out there who wants to get close to girls and then think they can find some one better.. or they get 'fed up' of been with the same girl for a long time . Furthermore there are some other guys who genuinely want the best to happen to him and to the girl and rather dragging a unwanted relationship, they tend to stop it then and there. (whenever they feel it is not gonna happen) i do not know to which category your ex. belongs to.

 

whatever it is, you have to sink the idea to your head that he is not yours any more. it doesn't mean that you are worthless. probably he is not lucky enough to receive you love. there should be ( i am sure about it) a guy who deserves your love and affection. your care. who deserves 'you'

 

you have to give him up. do not talk to him ever again. promise your self that you will cut down all possible contact and never visit his -facebook/hi5 or whatsoever.

 

you are worth more than that. in your text you have said that u are an out going friendly girl who have awesome friends. be with you friends. and start something new. for eg. go for a swimming class, yoga..etc. start jogging. there should be something you love doing and you were postponing. this is the best time you have to start it.

 

dearest, if he doesn't need you, we can't force a guy or a girl to love. it is very hard to believe that he suddenly changed and he suddenly says he need time or he doesn't love you, or do not talk to him ..etc. but u have to be strong. that bugger doesn't deserve your care and love. he is the unlucky person, not u. so why are u crying.?

 

i went through a similar situation and i recovered. i know what you feel. whatever i say here., it is you who should be strong and it is you who should take the decision whether to suffer like you do or get on with life more happier than ever before.