Maybe it's time to break NC

[supportlove]

It has been three months since I and my ex broke up. The reason we broke up was that we had different expectations from the relationship. I wanted to settle down soon and he decided not to take a relationship too serious among other things in his life at this moment. So, we broke up and this broke my heart.

 

After the breaking up, I did all the 'healthy' things that this forum suggested. I went NC right a way. I deleted him on Facebook to get him out of my sight. I tried to move my attentions on other things. After all those, I was slowly capable to continue living my life instead of being depressed and sad all day.

 

When we were together I was close to his friends. So now, 3 months after we broke up, those ppl started to contact me. Apparently, they said they all gave him a hard time by breaking up with me and they miss me. I appreciated their support, except that now my ex-boyfriend has been brought back in my mind again. Today, I even thought of him during an important meeting. This is so messed up. I feel that my situation is back to the first month.

 

So, my question. Maybe it is the time to break NC? I know we still have different expectations from a relationship. Upon those unsolved problems, I don't want us to have a romantic relationship right now. I just don't want to torture myself by missing him that much. I meant I tried and the fact is I am not happy without him. Plus, we already broke up. how can be worse? I'm thinking of exchanging couple texts from here and there and to see how things go? What do you guys think?

Edited September 16, 2014 by supportlove

[Simon Phoenix]

It sounds like a horrible idea. If his friends contacting you randomly can get you all aflutter, then you aren't ready to talk to him and you sure as heck aren't ready to be his platonic friend/friend with benefits. The fact that you say you can't be happy without him reeks of codependence and trying to be friends with him when you have unresolved feelings is the equivalent of jamming shards of glass into your veins.

 

So yeah, I'd say hell to the no on this idea. In general, if you are asking the board whether you should do it or not, that's a first-sign indicator that it's a bad idea.

[mightycpa]

I doubt you miss him... I think you miss what you had with him. Your jonesing for that will not be satisfied with platonic contact.

[Quiet Storm]

 

Today, I even thought of him during an important meeting. This is so messed

up. I feel that my situation is back to the first month.

 

 

See, even talking to his friends set you back.

 

How you concluded from this that it is a good idea to break NC, I'm not sure?

 

I think the logical conclusion is to also have NC with his friends, or at least ask them to respect your wishes and not discuss him.

 

You need to starve the emotions. Talking about him with friends and thinking about him just feeds the emotions.

[Zahara]

So, my question. Maybe it is the time to break NC? I know we still have different expectations from a relationship. Upon those unsolved problems, I don't want us to have a romantic relationship right now.

 

Your justification makes no sense at all. You're just looking to break NC to relieve the uncomfortable feelings you have.

 

Unfortunately, while you don't want a romantic relationship right now, the truth is you are emotionally invested and affected. So, even if you understand the concept, you're just not ready for it.

[supportlove]

Thanks for the advises.

 

I did surprise myself that by simply talking to his friends make my emotions unstable again. When we broke up, we did it in a rapid and rational way. It happened too fast that we didn't even have time to harm/damage our love. I wanted it end that way, since we both stubborn I know we won't find a solution so why not leave the relationship as it's still beautiful. I always wanted to be back together with him. And, secretly hope that he would be the one make the move with a changing mind. This makes it so difficult for me to move on.

 

Maybe it is not the right time yet. I should just be patient with an open mind to see what life will lead me to. Sigh.. it is so difficult

[me85]

Exactly. One of the best ways to get over your ex is to stop talking about them. Honestly, I'd probably distance myself from his friends. Or like the last poster said, tell them you'd rather not discuss you ex. I still have a lot of friends and family of my ex's on my FB but they NEVER comment on or like anything I post and I removed them from my news feed ages ago. So it's like they're not on there at all. I just never think of them and vice versa.

 

I know how you feel. I swear I do but you've already put 3 months of NC into motion, why break it now? Do you really want to talk to him? What would you say?

[StrangerThanFiction]

You nope that right out! Trust me, I did what you're thinking of doing and it set me back so much in the long run that it was almost worse than the original breakup. You're miserable now without him and talking to him might bandaid that up for a little while, but the issues are still there and they haven't changed. Contacting him again would be like a drug addict buying just a little so they can take the edge off thinking they'll feel better. For a little while you might, sure. But just talking to him will never be enough and you're going to want more. Why drag it out? Cold turkey it now and instead of in the near future feeling the same way you are now, you could be well on the road to feeling good!