Just received the letter..

[CT98]

I'm back.

 

Just been handed the break up letter. Have see it coming for a little while.

 

At the moment I'm in total shock, I know that the hard times are to come.

 

There's stuff left unsaid on my part, she said we didn't communicate like a normal couple, which we didn't, because of reasons on my part, having a lot on my mind etc.

 

What should I do? I feel like sending a text just to say that there's stuff left unsaid on my part, I know I won't get a reply, I just want her to know that there are reasons behind my being distant. I just don't ant her to think that I don't give a f**k, which I really do.

 

I've deleted my Facebook & Instagram account, as this is something I didn't do last time which just dragged the pain out.

 

Things I won't do this time that I did last time: drink & drugs, for obvious reasons, keeping in contact with her mum.

 

Should I send a last text to say that I still have things to say. Or just leave it. Is there any point?

Edited September 15, 2014 by CT98

[ThorntonMelon]

You get one chance to respond.

 

Save it until you've processed everything. Take 30,60,90 days. let yourself see clearly. Time is your friend.

[Feelbettersoon]

Write out your thoughts everyday for two weeks, don't say anything yet. You'll find a lot of us on here who was quick to talk back and it makes it SO much

[Feelbettersoon]

* so much worse!

[CT98]

It's hit me hard this morning. Day 1 was always going to be tough.

 

I am glad that I haven't tried to contact her to give my thoughts, because frankly I'm not even sure what my thoughts are. I'm feeling very irritable with people today, it's not something I like. I didn't sleep well last night, so I'm feeling very tired, and I feel today is going to be a long day.

 

Onwards and upwards as they say.

[Elias33]

Stay strong in your journey. I'd say, write back, say what you have to say, and let it all go. Grieve, reflect. Sorry to hear you have to go through this.

[CT98]

Stay strong in your journey. I'd say, write back, say what you have to say, and let it all go. Grieve, reflect. Sorry to hear you have to go through this.

 

 

I think I will write a letter at some point, but not until I am 100% sure that I am expressing exactly how I feel. And who knows, maybe by that point I won't see any point.

 

If I wrote one now it would just be a hidden attempt to win her back. And I know that's not a good idea.

[evanescentworld]

I'm back.

 

Just been handed the break up letter. Have see it coming for a little while.

 

At the moment I'm in total shock, I know that the hard times are to come.

 

There's stuff left unsaid on my part, she said we didn't communicate like a normal couple, which we didn't, because of reasons on my part, having a lot on my mind etc.

 

What should I do? I feel like sending a text just to say that there's stuff left unsaid on my part, I know I won't get a reply, I just want her to know that there are reasons behind my being distant. I just don't ant her to think that I don't give a f**k, which I really do.

 

I've deleted my Facebook & Instagram account, as this is something I didn't do last time which just dragged the pain out.

 

.....

 

Should I send a last text to say that I still have things to say. Or just leave it. Is there any point?

Forgive me for being blunt, but no, I don't think there is.

Because she will tell you exactly what I am about to tell you:

 

"Why should i listen to you now, when you had your chance at the time to open up? Whatever you want to say now, should have been said then. It's too little, too late."

 

You should have said something earlier, not closed up like a clam.

She's not a mind-reader. She had no idea, and you accept responsibility, I see, for being withdrawn.

But that won't cut any ice with her. She doesn't want to know, now.

She probably would have appreciated knowing, then.

 

...Things I won't do this time that I did last time: drink & drugs, for obvious reasons, keeping in contact with her mum.

 

Things I WILL definitely do next time, I didn't do this time:

Open up. Talk. Communicate. Say SOMETHING! Even if it's

 

"I'm so sorry I appear to be shutting you out; I have so much on my mind right now, and like your average typical bloke, I tend to retreat into my mental man-cave and "nothing" box, hide away emotionally and try to process stuff on my own, which alienates and confuses you, and makes you feel excluded. It's a bad trait, but give me a day or two, then we can talk. A problem shared is a problem halved."

 

Now she's dumped you, your problem is over. Forget talking. That's a request for closure, and that has to be generated by you, and you alone.

She's done her bit, and she's done trying.

Your main focus now should be "how to do it better next time."

 

I'm sorry to sound harsh, but this comes from someone whose partner was more silent and stubborn than a rock-face....

I've been on the receiving end, and I am pretty sure she feels as I have described.

[CT98]

Forgive me for being blunt, but no, I don't think there is.

Because she will tell you exactly what I am about to tell you:

 

"Why should i listen to you now, when you had your chance at the time to open up? Whatever you want to say now, should have been said then. It's too little, too late."

 

You should have said something earlier, not closed up like a clam.

She's not a mind-reader. She had no idea, and you accept responsibility, I see, for being withdrawn.

But that won't cut any ice with her. She doesn't want to know, now.

She probably would have appreciated knowing, then.

 

 

 

Things I WILL definitely do next time, I didn't do this time:

Open up. Talk. Communicate. Say SOMETHING! Even if it's

 

"I'm so sorry I appear to be shutting you out; I have so much on my mind right now, and like your average typical bloke, I tend to retreat into my mental man-cave and "nothing" box, hide away emotionally and try to process stuff on my own, which alienates and confuses you, and makes you feel excluded. It's a bad trait, but give me a day or two, then we can talk. A problem shared is a problem halved."

 

Now she's dumped you, your problem is over. Forget talking. That's a request for closure, and that has to be generated by you, and you alone.

She's done her bit, and she's done trying.

Your main focus now should be "how to do it better next time."

 

I'm sorry to sound harsh, but this comes from someone whose partner was more silent and stubborn than a rock-face....

I've been on the receiving end, and I am pretty sure she feels as I have described.

 

I hear what you're saying, isn't it a shame that it takes something like this to happen for you to realise what you should have done.

[evanescentworld]

You live and learn, Bud, you live and learn.

Yes, it's a shame, but failing at this point is not terminal.

 

It's hopefully something you'll take on board and really implement so that some lucky young girl in the future will have, maybe not a guy who's blatant, open, honest and transparent, but is at least aware that communication is the glue that binds, and however difficult it is to articulate a problem, it can be done in some way to at least appease the other person, and let them understand there's more to the silence than meets the eye...

 

Even if you say something along the lines of what I suggested above, it could make all the difference between "I understand" and "I'm done trying, here".....

[tim_tom]

I had a similar thing happen, what I am trying to remember is I withdrew for a reason. She was a jerk, I had to walk on egg shells, and anything I wasn't happy about was turned around on me 10 fold. There was no talking to her.

 

Not sure if your situation is similar, but think about why you withdrew and/or were unable to talk to her .. Right now your ego is flailing cause she hurt it, you aren't thinking clearly.

[CT98]

I had a similar thing happen, what I am trying to remember is I withdrew for a reason. She was a jerk, I had to walk on egg shells, and anything I wasn't happy about was turned around on me 10 fold. There was no talking to her.

 

Not sure if your situation is similar, but think about why you withdrew and/or were unable to talk to her .. Right now your ego is flailing cause she hurt it, you aren't thinking clearly.

 

I'm not even sure to be honest, my thinking is all fuzzy at the moment, but I'm sure I'll come to understand why I was like I was.