Are we broken?

[Gilgil85]

My situation is weird. She travelled for about 3 weeks to a different country and ignored me. She was having so much fun and dragged me down to the bottom of her list. I tried to talk to her, but I felt like she was intentionally playing games with me. She was saying things "I wish I can stay here." and She couldn't have just a few minutes to message or talk to me. She was making excuses all the time.

Just before her arrival back here, she sent many messages like "I will see you soon and I am in the airport." Our type of relationship was one where there were many fights and I always go to talk to her about it. This is because I love her and we were supposed to introduce the families and then get engaged.

It feels like she lost attraction to me. I did a lot of "Wuss" things in the relationship and so I don't think I was attractive. Plus, I acted very needy in the relationship.At the beginning of the relationship, I had the power.

 

The point is after she came from her vacation and started messaging and calling, I did not reply. I ignored her completely, in exception of one message that I sent about how the bags I lent her smell like smoke. I was so pissed at the way she was ignoring me when she travelled that I was getting my revenge. (And I never play those games EVER! But the fact that she pushed me to my limits, made me do this.) Then she sent me this message that was arrogant and hypocritical lecturing me that this is not a way to act and that I need to give closure especially to a girl like her. She came to my house and put a bag that I lent her next to my car and sent me a message telling me "Thanks for the bag."

A week after that, she changed her profile cover on facebook and posted her trip pictures. I was like ok. Then when I was on a vacation, I signed in from Houston with my family. She got upset and deleted me from facebook.

 

It feels like we are broken. Does no contact work? We are supposed to meet in class next week. I am confused on what to do and how to act around her. My feelings for her change from hatred to absolutely missing her. I can't deny that I still love her.

What do you think? What should I do? What do her actions show?

[Strength in Healing]

What do I think? Borderline Personality Disorder and Bipolar.

 

And I tend to think accurately.

[sdrawkcaB ssA]

last time on holiday, i had issues with SIM cards as each country had different plans and such. if you are in a group travel package, you don't have time to sort out much as everything is hurried. I think yanks are a wee over protective. women don't go around looking to two or three a gent, unless they are deeply unsatisfied or have a personal issue with acceptance.

 

 

 

you done wrong by compounding the issue... seems that you expect her to be less interested in you as she started having time away from you. i have had weeks on end lack of contact, but never felt she was feeling less about me. love can be a double edged sword if trust and allowing freedom to be so controlled as you have explained things.

[loversquarrel]

I think you both need to grow up. Too much immaturity here for any relationship to have a chance.

[lolablue17]

As childish as it is, sometimes childish reactions express your gut feeling. Children has a good sense of what's real and what's hypocrite.

 

So I believe her behaviour while the trip expressed her real feelings, and your childish reaction expressed yours.

 

I think she were playing games, so do you - You're perfect to each other. But if you love her you can change that pattern. You can give up your ego for a while. Meet her and tell her that you're sorry, you made a mistake because you were so insulted by her ignoring you while travelling.

 

It's a risk because she may reject you. But at least you'll know were you stand.

[Gilgil85]

That is how I was behaving all the time. I was dropping my ego every single time thinking that if we talk, things will be great. It worked because problems were solved. But, she expects me to do it every single time. She will NEVER drop her ego. NEVER!!!!

 

And if I go now and talk to her, she will think "I won the game." It is not a STUPID game for me. It is my emotions and my life. But I got tired of explaining to her that I don't mess around when it comes to my emotions. It feels like because I talked a lot after every fight, she found my points of weakness. Whenever she gets angry from me, she intentionally plays games to hurt me. Not this time!!

 

You are right. This trip showed her true feelings. I always think about this. I have had girls love me before. They used to go out of their way for me ( which she used to do when we first started going out.)

 

I am not childish. I was never childish. I talked to her about concepts of honesty, trust, how we should communicate, and how problems happen to everyone. It is the ability to solve problem that counts, not our fun dates.

 

I know what I did was nasty. I have never done it before and I thought of apologizing to her many times. But, even when she got the silent treatment from me ( which is the first time i did btw in my life ), she was acting all arrogant and being a hypocrite. She sent me a message telling me how "A girl like her" should get a closure and teaching me how to "behave", knowing that when she was in the other country she was finding every excuse in the world to tell me "I have no time for you." Hypocrite!!

 

My mind does not want her because this is too childish for any relationship to work. It is moments like this that tell you if the other person really loves your or not. My problem lies in the fact that I opened my heart so much that I am hurt!!

 

Anyways, I am having this fight between my mind and heart. My heart misses her and my mind says: There are many reasons why I don't want to be with her. She is angry, stubborn, defiant, "can't say sorry" according to her, and will hurt at will if I even "mistakingly" hurt her."

 

Any suggestions on how I should act around her when I see her next week in class? I don't want to play games, but I am pretty sure that if I approach her to talk, she will think that she won the stupid game. I seriously don't want to play games, but she is forcing me! I feel bad playing any game, but at the same time I am protecting myself from her.

 

And when you have to protect yourself from the person you love, what kinda crappy relationship is this ?

[lolablue17]

Don't be hard with yourself. Everyone is childish in some aspects of his character. Sometimes it's even a compliment. I did so many childish things in my life, you can't imagine... :-) You didn't do a nasty thing, you're just being dragged to her games. I wouldn't pay so much attention about that.

 

Do you have any clue why did she ignore you while traveling? Because that ignoring issue itself is a reason to break up.

 

She asked for a closure? So you can meet with her for closure, telling her that her behaviour (while travelling) is not acceptable and no excuse can justify this. When you noticed her poor ugly behaviour you decided to break up, but you were too angry so you didn't want to talk to her while you're angry.

 

Now you're calm, you moved on, so you agreed to give her the closer she were asking.

 

This way you don't give up your ego. You seems strong, generous, and calm.

[ThorntonMelon]

Im not sure I understand. You want her, you want to be with her, youre punishing her (and you're still incredibly needy).

 

Here's my advice: Have the talk with her. Apologize. Tell her what she did that upset you so much.

 

Her reaction I suspect will shock you, and then you will definitely be broken up.

 

Hope I am wrong.

[Gilgil85]

Hey Guys,

 

Thank you for helping me! She ignored me while traveling because she was having fun. Plus, on her trip she fought with her best friend (the girl she went with and her childhood best friend). They even spent many days away from each other, each with his family and relatives. She was not talking too much and then we had this talk. I thought everything was fine after it. Then after that she was being dry again. Fine with me! Then before she came here by three days, I called her and we talked and right when we were talking about something that has been bothering me for days (I don’t know if she was bothered by our problem), she told me that her friend is waiting for her.. Now, normally I would’ve forgiven this behavior if she called back at some point and decided to continue the talk. She did not care!

 

See I may seem childish and playing a game. But I am looking at a pattern in our relationship. I always go to make things work. I always go and talk to her. So, my decision is not based on this trip. It is based on what I have seen from her over a period of 5 months. This trip was just a test to see how are u going to act when the next thing in ur life comes up. And she failed it big time!

 

She asked for closure when she came back here through a message. But since the message was arrogant and she was being a hypocrite and acted like she figured that I am going to break up by giving her the silent treatment, I decided to ignore the message. (BTW, if I received a better message of let’s meet I want my closure without the arrogance, I would’ve met with her.) To me, when she sent that message it was like “she is hurt and she is the one who needs me but she is being a hypocrite and arrogant.” What? She thinks her self-worth is higher than mine? (AGAIN, I DON’T THINK THIS WAY USUALLY! But this has been happening again and again and again) And this time I decided to just behave like her and look what happened. I treated her like CRAP and I bet I hurt her badly. But it was just my way of saying ENOUGH!

 

 

 

No I don’t want her. My mind does not want her. See, I am heart broken. At times, I wake up missing her like crazy. But right now, as I write to you guys, my mind is writing (I am objective ). I am needy only when I remember how things would have been different if she paid attention to my needs because I treated her so well and she knows it. I am pretty sure she knows! We had so many memories and great times together. It is like a part of my heart is gone! And that is why I am hurt. That is why I am searching for answers. But the logical part in my brain ( I have a bs in Math ☺ ) tells me think long run. Do you wanna be with her? NO!!!