Is ex two-timing me or is she sincere?

[JackieOver]

Girlfriend of 9 yrs dumped me 3 months ago. Two days after breaking up she tells me she's already seeing someone else. Two months there after she refers to him as her 'boyfriend'.

 

She steps by at my place yesterday wanting to talk about us. She misses me very much, has still strong feelings for me, only sees a future with me and not with her new boyfriend. She wants to come back but needs a little time to sort out her own emotions: 1) she needs to figure out how to breakup with her new boyfriend, 2) she wants to be emotionally ready for me when she comes back to me.

 

Somehow we end up having sex (good sex). Afterwards she says: "how can something so good feel so bad?" She walks to the kitchen and begins to sob like a baby, saying she has no regret for what we did but feels guilty towards her new boyfriend. She asks me what I would do if I was in her shoes. I told her she needs to sort out her emotions on her own. I don't want to intervene or interfere with her and her boyfriend.

 

We hug for a long time. Eventually she leaves. She calls me from the car telling me she loves me and we will be back together soon. She tells me to just give her a little bit more time.

 

She says she hopes I answer the phone when she calls me so now I then.

 

Is my ex two-timing me? Could it really be she is confused about what and who she wants? Could she really be messed up emotionally? Should I believe what she says or is she just playing me?

 

What do you guys and gals think?

[Strength in Healing]

She's screwed up, testing the waters, and using you a bit on the side, too.

 

That's called a recipe for disaster.

 

 

 

Cut off this dumb *****, brother.

 

...And get checked for STDs.

Edited August 29, 2014 by Strength in Healing

[mightycpa]

She met a guy, he was exciting, you were 9 years stale. Giving her some credit, she probably went out with him a couple of times, got enamored, and decided to give you the boot before she banged him.

 

The next day, she banged the guy. The day after that (two days later to you) she's "seeing" him. They seem like a good match, but like most relationships that start with fireworks, it began to fizzle.

 

She doesn't have another one in the pipeline. It's just you and him. One way or the other, he is on the way out. She can either be alone, or she can have you until the next one comes along. So, she visits you to see if anything is still there.

 

This is where it gets tricky. This is like you and her way back when, except.... Sex is great, but the talking is a little strained. She needs to be "emotionally ready". What does that mean? It means she needs to figure out how to WANT TO COME BACK, which means right now, she doesn't exactly want that. You're just familiar and warm and comforting, and she doesn't feel like too much of a slut banging the both of you. After all, she was with you for nine years.

 

You have three choices:

 

a) give her the heave-ho now

b) take her back for the sex only, knowing she WILL leave you again

3) be a sucker, and believe she's back for good

[Chi townD]

Girlfriend of 9 yrs dumped me 3 months ago. Two days after breaking up she tells me she's already seeing someone else. Two months there after she refers to him as her 'boyfriend'.

 

She steps by at my place yesterday wanting to talk about us. She misses me very much, has still strong feelings for me, only sees a future with me and not with her new boyfriend. She wants to come back but needs a little time to sort out her own emotions: 1) she needs to figure out how to breakup with her new boyfriend, 2) she wants to be emotionally ready for me when she comes back to me.

 

Somehow we end up having sex (good sex). Afterwards she says: "how can something so good feel so bad?" She walks to the kitchen and begins to sob like a baby, saying she has no regret for what we did but feels guilty towards her new boyfriend. She asks me what I would do if I was in her shoes. I told her she needs to sort out her emotions on her own. I don't want to intervene or interfere with her and her boyfriend.

 

 

 

Two days after breaking up she tells me she's already seeing someone else.

 

Okay, so she was cheating on you and left you for her affair partner.

 

 

1) she needs to figure out how to breakup with her new boyfriend

 

Funny, she had no problem figuring out how to break up with you!

 

 

Somehow we end up having sex (good sex).

 

Okay, so she first cheats on you with him. Now, she's cheating on him with you!

 

 

Dude, she's a serial cheater. Move on. Go NC and don't look back.

[lolablue17]

Well, she's a real selfish piece of art.

 

I do believe she misses you. She isn't lying. But the way she came and tried to stop you from moving on, and put you on hold while hurting you until she "sort things out" is really selfish.

 

So If you consider taking her back tell her that you are not going to wait for her. tell her that you're planning to go dating with other girl or girls in a few days, and she doesn't call you or get in touch with you until she leave her boyfriend.

 

After it's over between them she can call you and if you're still be available, than you'll consider it. Bye bye. Total NC!

[JackieOver]

Thanks for the responses. I believe you are all correct. Particularly you lolablue17 because she came to visit me after I had made just that ultimatum with her: not to bother with me anymore if she was still with the other guy and that I was moving on, ready to date other women.

 

I told her that 2 days before she came to my house. The very next day she called and texted me none-stop saying she had something she wanted to give me. I asked her what the gift was. She said she wanted to keep it a surprise and give it to me personally. I told her "thank you for the thought but no thanks!" and hung up the phone. The next day she showed up at my house.

 

Well, as far as I am concerned I gather the 'gift' was sex with her. I even asked her "is this my goodbye gift?". Immediately she responded 'No, absolutely not!".

 

I agree she still has strong feelings for me and a few things she shared about the new guy made it clear that 'things' between them are indeed not as "sweet" or as "great" as 3 months ago and things are beginning to fizzle out. She says he is much more controlling and possessive than me and she doesn't have the freedom she used to have. She said they have arguments about that almost every day.

 

So it's clear to me she wants me in the "loop" more than likely as a back up plan. I told her when she left to take all the time she needs to decide when she's ready. I will stay out of her way until she calls me and if by that time I am still available we'll talk. She started to cry again saying: "I feel like you are now rejecting me!". I told her "I am not, even though you rejected me 3 months ago and instantly moved on with another guy, discarding me like a used dish rag. However, I am telling you I am not going to sit around waiting for you to make up your mind about us!".

 

That's when she drove off and called me about 30 minutes later telling me she still loved me, to be patient a little longer and repeated what she had said before we had sex, that she would be back with me soon.

Edited August 29, 2014 by JackieOver

[Zahara]

I agree she still has strong feelings for me

 

Really? Three months ago her feelings were so strong that she was most likely cheating on you with this guy, dumped you and started a new relationship. Funny how the feelings all came back now that the boyfriend isn't what she hoped for.

 

and a few things she shared about the new guy made it clear that 'things' between them are indeed not as "sweet" or as "great" as 3 months ago and things are beginning to fizzle out.

 

She probably said the same thing about you to this guy when she was seeing him behind your back. 9 years and it too fizzled out.

 

She says he is much more controlling and possessive than me and she doesn't have the freedom she used to have. She said they have arguments about that almost every day.

 

Me thinks grass isn't so green on the other side, and she's jumping back to you, for all the wrong reasons. The monkey that won't let go of the branch until it has a hold of the next. Their downfall, isn't to your benefit, if you're seeing it that way.

 

So it's clear to me she wants me in the "loop" more than likely as a back up plan.

 

If this guy was treating her well, she wouldn't be knocking on your door. Think about it. The only reason she is back is because he doesn't treat her well. I'm sorry, you are the back-up plan.

 

That's when she drove off and called me about 30 minutes later telling me she still loved me, to be patient a little longer and repeated what she had said before we had sex, that she would be back with me soon.

 

Of course. Seems to be the norm with situations like this.

Edited August 30, 2014 by Zahara

[JackieOver]

Yep, you are right. She's 'holding me back from moving on' to ensure herself that I am still there when it finally goes kaput between her and her new boo.

 

And if that means she has to dish out to get me to 'stay in place' for her, I gather she's willing to stoop to that level ... as long as she gets what she wants, even if it means cheating on her new man.

 

She's been trying hard to keep her relationship with this new guy a secret from me the past 3 months. I mean, I knew absolutely nothing about him, except that she was seeing somebody.

 

When she came to see me she suddenly volunteered a lot of info about him: he is a co-worker, 11 years her senior and has a slue of health problems. He doesn't relate nearly as much or as well as I did with her family and when he is at their house he barely talks to her brothers. Her son refuses to accept him or to be around him, he doesn't spend nowhere near as much time as I did with the kid. He's controlling and possessive towards her, limiting her freedom. When he picks her up from work, they don't talk, she usually sleeps in the car. (don't know how true any of this is!).

 

Seems like an all around perfect guy for her ...

 

She says that the only reason she hooked up with him was because he lend her a shoulder to lean on when she was down and depressed (that's a good one).

 

Interestingly enough, despite all his 'flaws', she just can't get herself to break up with him .... Yeah, must be difficult to do! (being sarcastic).

Edited August 30, 2014 by JackieOver

[lauri]

Hate to say it dude but now she feels like she has you.

 

Why would you sleep with her? All you've done is tell her that what she has done is okay and that you'll be around no matter what. Thank god for her, now she can sleep better at night!! She now thinks:

 

1) Cheating on you and leaving you for another guy isn't that big of a deal

2) She has you as a backup

3) You're still into her and have forgiven her

 

Cmon man, what she did was not okay and not anything you should have forgiven so easily. She was feeling like she was losing you so she resulted to sleeping with you to lure you back in. She now feels like she has the power over you and now she can continue to bang this new dude w.o any regret.

 

Also, she says she has strong feeling for you? Bull. Dont you think yhat doesnt make sense? If these feeling are so strong than why isnt she with you and spending her time with another guy??? She lost interest and chances of her being madly in love with you again is slim to none. You gave it up too easily to her and have essentially excused her behavior. If you get back together with her again I can promise you she will do this again bc she knows you'll ignore the facts.

Edited August 30, 2014 by lauri

[JackieOver]

Hey laurl;

 

I agree, the sex part was a mistake on my end. Realized that all too well after it happened. But what's done is done! I am not lingering in the past. As for the other guy, she can have him, do with him as she pleases because I am moving on.

 

I haven't spoken to her since that day and do not intend to anymore. I am going about my daily business like I was before I had sex with her again. You are right, she came over and 'tricked' me into being intimate with her because she realized she was losing me and it frightened her having to actually live her life without me, regardless in what capacity she saw me.

 

I realized today what screw up I made and how stupid I was to fall for her advances. Well it doesn't matter anymore because she has lost me, I am not taking her back. I am moving on.

 

Next time she calls me, and I am sure she will, I will tell her plain and simple I am dating someone else, even if it isn't true.

[JackieOver]

Hey laurl;

 

I agree, the sex part was a mistake on my end. Realized that all too well after it happened. But what's done is done! I am not lingering in the past. As for the other guy, she can have him, do with him as she pleases because I am moving on.

 

I haven't spoken to her since that day and do not intend to anymore. I am going about my daily business like I was before I had sex with her again. You are right, she came over and 'tricked' me into being intimate with her because she realized she was losing me and it frightened her having to actually live her life without me, regardless in what capacity she saw me.

 

I realized today what screw up I made and how stupid I was to fall for her advances. Well it doesn't matter anymore because she has lost me, I am not taking her back. I am moving on.

 

Next time she calls me, and I am sure she will, I will tell her plain and simple I am dating someone else, even if it isn't true.

 

PS. Setting the record straight: she never said she has strong feelings for me. I said that based on she telling me that she misses me and that she still loves me (which I now realize was yet another angle she used to reel me in).

[lolablue17]

I realized today what screw up I made and how stupid I was to fall for her advances. Well it doesn't matter anymore because she has lost me, I am not taking her back. I am moving on.

 

Next time she calls me, and I am sure she will, I will tell her plain and simple I am dating someone else, even if it isn't true.

 

Great decision!

 

If she breaks up with him, you can still have sex with her as FWB.

[JackieOver]

He he, great suggestion but no thanks. Next thing I need is she coming to run my door telling me she's pregnant from me.

 

My trust in her has been completely shattered.

[bubbaganoosh]

It's obvious that this girl is smart and know how to control you and now you have to start looking at her from the neck up rather than from the neck down and think about what your life will be with her.

 

She has no problem dumping you for another guy, then sleeping with you and cheating on her current bf.

 

That in itself should tell you what kind of woman she is and if you continue down this road, your going to wind up like road kill.

 

Best bet is tell her to stop calling because you not interested and if need be, block her from all communications. The woman is playing both ends to the middle and if she keeps contacting you, then find out who her bf is and fill him in. That will cool her ass off real quick

[No Limit]

Follow your "I'll say I'm meeting someone"-plan and then cut all ties with her. Block her and don't open the door if she tries to surprise you again, or else she'll stick to your butt like a leech.

[lauri]

You don't even need to tell her you are seeing someone else.

 

My suggestion is blocking her right now and not giving her the opportunity to even hear you say it. She will automatically start to assume that there is another girl and it'll send the biggest message.