How can I go about getting her back?

[NeroTheHero]

Just to start things off I feel ashamed of posting this here because it was a 2 month, young relationship. I fell for her and now I'm hurting. And compared to everyone's story mine just seems basic and idiotic so please, be gentle with me here.

 

This'll be a long story so bear with me. I think it'll be best to understand it all if I start from the beginning.

 

Well I'm 20 years old and never had a girlfriend up until recently, sort of. Never had any confidence until I slowly started building it up in senior year of highschool. Acne hit me bad during early middleschool and it lingered into highschool slowly fading away starting from sophomore-junior year. That completely shattered my self confidence. All throughout highschool I walked with my head down since I didn't like to look into people's eyes since I could see them darting around looking at my acne. Never approached any girls and still find it hard now. I've had people tell me I'm good looking, mostly after highschool, and sort of come to accept it but never really believed it. It wasn't up until a year ago that I started becoming more confident in myself since I started working at gamestop and was, still is, forced to approach every customer coming into the store. A year later and its helped a lot with my self confidence, but not much on approaching girls.

 

So about 2 months and a week ago was when I met her. She approached me and saw that I played League of Legends (my name tag lanyard) and we chatted for a bit. Got her league username and added her that night. We chatted for a little bit in the game and I asked her for her kik. Got that too, went out with a couple of friends got back home again and we texted for awhile for the rest of the night. Now I usually don't do these type of things (first time) of actually trying to get to know a girl, but the fact that she played league got me really interested. Texted each other for the rest of the night and found out she was 15. Whole thing threw me in for a loop but I still asked questions because I was curious.

 

-break-

 

Now a little more to my background. I'm a christian. Read my bible every night and pray every time before I go to sleep. Never drank, dont plan to (not like I can now anyways), never smoked and still plan to wait until marriage before sex. I had started feeling really lonely throughout the years and started praying to God every night I felt lonely about the perfect girl I wanted. Asking him in detail all the things I wanted. Months pass of me doing this (it wasnt a daily thing but consistent enough).

 

- end break-

 

The more I got to know her the more shocked and surprised I was. She fit into every description I had asked for in my prayers. Played similar games, watched the same tv shows, same music interests, same sense of humor, spoke the same, acted the same, etc. But I was still very skeptical due to her age. Days pass of me deciding on what to do here and I start making moves on her. I could tell she really liked me. She falls for me more and I ask her out. Me being 20 she knows her parents wouldn't like that and even ask them about it with them saying no, but that didn't stop us. We start hanging out every night through skype and she even comes to meet me at work twice withing a 3 week period (This always threw me off. Her mom said only when shes 18 she can date me, but yet she would willingly drive her to the mall to come see me.) With her being the girl of my prayers I let myself fall hard for her. We would text all the time, snapchat all the time. She'd tag me constantly on fb and even posted a picture of me on instagram #mce. We met 4 times after the first and I could tell she really liked me.

 

We played league of legends a lot together but could never rank together since she was a lower rank than I the game didn't allow us to. She really wanted to get to a higher rank and eventually she found someone to help her out and started spamming rank with this guy leaving me every night to play by myself and only text her (you can only go two at a time when ranking). A week and some days go by and I finally bitch at her for not giving me any time anymore and ignore her for a whole day trying to show her how it felt to be ignored. I bitched at her since we went from a whole month of doing things together every night to doing nothing at all, other than texting. She had told me she loved me, and I said the same (why not? shes the girl of my prayers right..), even started calling each other bf and gf. So the next day comes and I text her. She was obviously hurt by it and I felt like that just started to push her away. (This is my first relationship and I'm an idiot for not being able to express myself better and ignore her like that. I felt jealous and should of said so.) Regardless of it all she still kept spamming rank every night with him and I started to feel pushed away. Things go on like that for a little less than a month. It was almost impossible for me to be able to hangout with her while she wouldn't leave the other guy alone. We still texted each other a lot, told each other we loved one another but it slowly started to diminish up to the point of only goodmorning texts followed by 30-1hr conversations and good night texts followed by 30-1hr conversations. Feeling extremely jealous of the other guy, sad and depressed that she wouldn't give me any time and feeling as if she didn't like me the same anymore I bitched at her again and told her we needed a break and that she could now finally start getting true feelings for that one guy she keeps playing with (I mostly said it all because I was jealous and angry at the time). A day goes by and I feel like extreme **** about it. I go and check her fb and it says shes in a relationship with the one guy she kept playing rank with and I just go desperate. In a 3 day period I basically beg her to take me back. She replies with she REALLY liked me but I pushed her away into the arms of another. I ask her if this started going downhill when I first bitched at her and she says yes. I ask if we could stay friends she says sure. I ask if its ok for me to text every or every other day and she says thats fine. First time I ask if she would ever take me back she said if the relationship ended with who shes with, possibly. I ask differently again and she says not for awhile. She tells me she loves him and that hes made her feel so much better. Been reading the forums since and I stopped contacting her after those 3 days, been only 2 so far..

 

What makes me feel like I ****ed up is that I think she genuinely just wanted to spam rank with him and get higher (he is a lot better than me and was playing on a low rank account) and I bitched at her and hurt her about ignoring me (feeling jealous of it, but never straight out said it) and that was when she started getting feelings for him. She kept playing rank with him and I slowly felt pushed away which in turn might of made her feel as if I was pushing her away more. They eventually had gone from spamming rank to playing regular games (games which I could play) but never being invited. What devastates me the most is the fact that she was the girl I had prayed for and now shes gone and dont want to accept that shes gone forever. I feel like I'll never be able to find someone like her and that I lost the one for me. I feel like I should of tried to make things "fb official" and actually kiss her (This is all from me having no relationship experience and feeling scared of it all). Now it just kills me to see her instagram with 2 pictures of him (one being a text, the other a pic of him being her prince) and a count down of him coming to florida to meet her (did I mention he lives in california? hes 18 or 19 I think). It kills me to see her fb relationship status with his name in it and me never attempting to do so prior. I feel like I should of acted faster instead of taking things super slow (exciting and scared of it all). She was perfect for me and I've lost her. I want to think of it as a rebound but I feel like we didn't "date" nearly long enough for it to be one. I want to believe she'll take me back down the road but what if she doesnt?

Edited August 18, 2014 by NeroTheHero

[HeartDesires]

Hi NeroTheHero,

 

It all comes down to you having no relationship experience...and this is something you have readily admitted in your post.

 

It will happen again - you will meet someone else that you develop feelings for, so stop worrying about it.

 

She's a typical 15 yr old girl - very fickle and much too immature for you.

 

You have to forget about her and move on......

[NeroTheHero]

So for two months I dated this one amazing girl. We were really into each other, had tons in common and she had an incredible personality. First month I let jealousy and my emotions get the best of me and basically bitch and ignore her for a day. Second month I do the same dumb mistake and told her we needed a break instead of just talking things out. A day after the break up I felt like complete **** and realized I needed her back but it was too late since she had already found someone else. I basically beg her to take me back the next 3 days. She said she'd possibly take me back if she wasn't with who she is now. I asked the same question differently again and she said not for awhile. I asked if it was okay for me to text her every day or every other day and she said yeah (haven't for past week). She said I had pushed her away into the arms of another and that hes made her feel so much better, she loves him and couldn't see herself without him. Her instagram has two pictures of him and her facebook has the relationship status with him.

 

Now my question here is, how would I go about on her giving me a second chance? Should I keep it LC (once every week or so?) and hope there'll be some attraction left? Or go NC and wait until they break up (how long do I wait to talk to her after the break up)? I know I'm going to have to ride this out until they end it but feel like she was so perfect for me that I'll never be able to find anyone else like her.

[Jenmarie]

Aw. I've been in this situation a lot, honestly. I believe if she really cared for you, despite your behavior, you couldn't push her away into the arms of another person. Like the previous poster said before, she's immature and probably a bit too young for you. Her mindset is quite differently from yours and she's at that age where she's quite naive. I think you need to do what is best for yourself. You deserve someone who loves you, stays with you, no matter what. There's hardships and flaws in every relationship, and if she backed out and is now with someone else, then she doesn't deserve you. Take care of yourself, because there are a lot of plenty of amazing, loyal women out there, who love League and other games! You just haven't met them yet.

 

You're still young too, and you WILL find someone else, and everything will fall into place. Everything will make sense why it didn't work out with said girl.

 

If you really want, we can talk about this more. I play League of Legends all the time, we could play together and become friends and I'll be here to help you get through something hard like this because I've been there. So many times, it's unreal. I don't know if we could play rank together (I'm not sure what your rank is, but I'm gold 5).

 

Feel free to add me. Mintpops is my summoner name. We can talk about this further on there.

Edited August 19, 2014 by Jenmarie

[mightycpa]

Can't you cast a spell or give her a love potion or something?

 

Dude, she's only 15 years old, and while you may play fantasy games and act like a 15 year old, you're actually 20. Time to grow up, my friend. Disconnect that gaming system, and go find some girls your own age to not have sex with. Or be a monk until she's 18.

[Zeurich]

20 years old 2 months old something look like relationship I think you are a kid and you are very new for this sort of situations. Let it go. IN life even if you treat a girl gentle,care,love, everything inclusive they can leave you at some point. Why don't you just focus on studies and try to achieve something what will never let you go for your self. Take a deep breath enjoy your self. Wait till your turn to cry about relationships.Good luck!

[Always Pondering]

...she had already found someone else. I basically beg her to take me back the next 3 days...

 

Now my question here is, how would I go about on her giving me a second chance? Should I keep it LC (once every week or so?) and hope there'll be some attraction left? Or go NC and wait until they break up (how long do I wait to talk to her after the break up)? I know I'm going to have to ride this out until they end it but feel like she was so perfect for me that I'll never be able to find anyone else like her.

 

Whoa whoa whoa. I don't mean this in a harsh way but you need to drop that mentality. Sure, the relationship will most likely die out eventually because she's SO young but waiting around hoping for a break-up is just about one of the worst things you could do right now.

 

You should go NC but not wait around. She's currently in a relationship with someone else and says that she loves him (even though I doubt it). I got a very desperate vibe from reading your story but it's completely understandable due to your age and lack of experience. Fix your jealousy issues and your method of communication (passive-aggressive behavior of bitching / ignoring) before you start looking for someone else. This little girl should not be your focus of attention right now.

[Strength in Healing]

Trust me when I say run. This girl is fickle and (at least in part due to her age), very immature.

 

Last thing you want is to get back with her, get serious, then break up and her run and tell law enforcement that you two did ANYTHING sexual. You'll be a registered sex offender for life. I see girls do that all the time at my job. Pisses us all off.

 

ANYWAYS... you're young brother, you made simple mistakes we all have or will make. No reason to be hard on yourself. If she was anything worthwhile or any answer to your prayer, she would not have been so quick to run. And dating some random guy she met on a video game like 2 days after breaking up with you? O lawd.