Can an ex's friends influence her to break up with you? Other causes EXTERNAL to RS..

[OK_computer]

I realized that in many circumstances, my exes' friends played a role in our BU. For example, they would not like it when me and her patched up, which would cause her to act distant towards me.

 

Or her guy 'friends' or friendzoned dudes would give her advice to not get back with me, as they're be competing for her. I feel like things that her girlfriends thought of me and what other guys who were pursuing her would advise her, ultimately played a role in sinking the ship ie. our RS.

 

 

Can anyone else relate?

What other factors play a role?

Can a friend's advise to stay away from an ex, eg. me, be enough for her to back off or slowly grow distant, though she cares for me?

[FortunateSon]

This can absolutely play a role, I have been in that situation before too where an ex's friends/family influence negatively affected the relationship/break up/potential reconciliation. Having said that, this usually means there are other reasons for then BU and that the relationship is likely not on firm ground anyway. Conversely, sometimes friends/family's positive influence can be beneficial for a relationship/possible reconciliation. This is all circumstantial and should not be the sole determining factor.

[Pendragon]

It certainly can happen, particularly if they are young. It could play a role in the reason why they break up with you but should only be an influence that's compounded by other underlying issues in the relationship.

[erklat]

Happened to me exactly. The argument during which I lashed out

on her was their friends doing.

 

She was onekof those instant romances unusable in the long run.

 

Now I know better unfortunately.

[OwMyEyeball]

Just out of curiosity: How do you know what advice she was getting from her friends?

 

I'm going to guess you were not present and that this information could only be coming as secondhand account from your ex.

 

From that assumption it could reasonably be argued that you have no clear basis from which to determine just what advice her friends had given her. She may be telling you the truth, but only a part of it.

 

I've been in the same boat as you, where I believed my ex's family and friends were steering her away from me. The assumption is somewhat satisfying as it takes some of the sting away from her decision. It's no longer her decision. This allows me to inject some hope into the situation. Perhaps she does truly love me and it's "external factors" that pushed us apart. I'm slowly coming to the realization that this is just another way for me to hold on; to not truly grieve the loss.

 

You could analyze a breakup for a dozen lifetimes. There are plenty of perspectives to take. From every discipline of human knowledge can spring forth a fountain of "whys". The factors are infinite. It can be an exhaustive quest.

 

Fact is the relationship has formally ended. We'll never truly know why. She may not yet have a full grasp of the reasons. We can only come to conclusions that best satisfy the information and knowledge we have at that given point.

 

In a way I'm sort of writing this response to myself, but I do hope it offers some insight into your own experience.

 

Best wishes

[OK_computer]

Just out of curiosity: How do you know what advice she was getting from her friends?

 

I'm going to guess you were not present and that this information could only be coming as secondhand account from your ex.

 

From that assumption it could reasonably be argued that you have no clear basis from which to determine just what advice her friends had given her. She may be telling you the truth, but only a part of it.

 

I've been in the same boat as you, where I believed my ex's family and friends were steering her away from me. The assumption is somewhat satisfying as it takes some of the sting away from her decision. It's no longer her decision. This allows me to inject some hope into the situation. Perhaps she does truly love me and it's "external factors" that pushed us apart. I'm slowly coming to the realization that this is just another way for me to hold on; to not truly grieve the loss.

 

You could analyze a breakup for a dozen lifetimes. There are plenty of perspectives to take. From every discipline of human knowledge can spring forth a fountain of "whys". The factors are infinite. It can be an exhaustive quest.

 

Fact is the relationship has formally ended. We'll never truly know why. She may not yet have a full grasp of the reasons. We can only come to conclusions that best satisfy the information and knowledge we have at that given point.

 

In a way I'm sort of writing this response to myself, but I do hope it offers some insight into your own experience.

 

Best wishes

 

 

Hey,

 

I'm not sure why I think that exactly. It was an oaoa type relationship for 4 years with many breakups, over 10. In the beginning her friends used to be happy whenever we reconciled. But eventually, there a came a point where her friends would get pissed off at her whenever we'd get back together again. One time i saw her tell her friends that we made up, and her freind just put her hand to her head.

 

The final time when me and her reconciled at get back together, within a week we fought and broken up. During that time the following things happened and were said:

 

1. She says 'you take advantage of me.' She could of thought that one up on her own, but those are the kinds of things friends would tell her to stay away from me. She's never said that to me in the last 4 years, why suddenly?

 

2. She said "ive should have listened to others a long time ago"

 

3. The day after the fight, her guy friend who i never talked to in my life started being nice to me all of a sudden.

 

4. Her best freind started being nice to me too right after we broke up.

 

 

 

Was there an underlying problem internal to the both of us? yes. But the friends were the straw that broke the camel's back or even more so.

 

alex

[Dork Vader]

I realized that in many circumstances, my exes' friends played a role in our BU. For example, they would not like it when me and her patched up, which would cause her to act distant towards me.

 

Or her guy 'friends' or friendzoned dudes would give her advice to not get back with me, as they're be competing for her. I feel like things that her girlfriends thought of me and what other guys who were pursuing her would advise her, ultimately played a role in sinking the ship ie. our RS.

 

 

Can anyone else relate?

What other factors play a role?

Can a friend's advise to stay away from an ex, eg. me, be enough for her to back off or slowly grow distant, though she cares for me?

 

 

Yeah I can relate. I went through that with my ex but I know she was not honest about what was going on our relationship. At best my ex gave half truths and made me look like a jackass.

 

 

That said why in the world would you want to be with a woman that is so weak minded? I came to that realization fairly quick. If she is so easily influenced by other people.. You more then likely do not want a relationship with her. It speaks volumes about a person.

 

 

I could mildly understand the influence if it was a bad relationship. I could mildly understand the influence if it was very close friends or family. But ultimately people are going to do what they are going to do.

[hoping2heal]

Hey,

 

I'm not sure why I think that exactly. It was an oaoa type relationship for 4 years with many breakups, over 10. In the beginning her friends used to be happy whenever we reconciled. But eventually, there a came a point where her friends would get pissed off at her whenever we'd get back together again. One time i saw her tell her friends that we made up, and her freind just put her hand to her head.

 

The final time when me and her reconciled at get back together, within a week we fought and broken up. During that time the following things happened and were said:

 

1. She says 'you take advantage of me.' She could of thought that one up on her own, but those are the kinds of things friends would tell her to stay away from me. She's never said that to me in the last 4 years, why suddenly?

 

2. She said "ive should have listened to others a long time ago"

 

3. The day after the fight, her guy friend who i never talked to in my life started being nice to me all of a sudden.

 

4. Her best freind started being nice to me too right after we broke up.

 

 

 

Was there an underlying problem internal to the both of us? yes. But the friends were the straw that broke the camel's back or even more so.

 

alex

 

This is why her friends eventually grew tired of it and started resenting you. I'm not saying it's your fault for all the on/off, I don't know what happened. But clearly, her friends seemed to have gotten the impression for you that you were a problem. They obviously weren't against you right from the start, so I don't know. They might have had a legit claim about you but it's also just as possible she would only tell them what you did wrong,and not her part in it.

 

What was the reason for all the on/off ?

[OK_computer]

This is why her friends eventually grew tired of it and started resenting you. I'm not saying it's your fault for all the on/off, I don't know what happened. But clearly, her friends seemed to have gotten the impression for you that you were a problem. They obviously weren't against you right from the start, so I don't know. They might have had a legit claim about you but it's also just as possible she would only tell them what you did wrong,and not her part in it.

 

What was the reason for all the on/off ?

 

 

To put it concisely, we were incompatible and on top of that communication problems, hence the OAOA. I can't get into detail because that would be pages.

 

Her best friend saw me and her fighting many times, and she would have to console her afterwards when she'd be crying. Clearly, to the outside person, i'm the BAD GUY, the problem, the REASON FOR HER to be crying. But she's the one who would inititate it.

 

He freinds would say like "Just end it with him. Stay away from him. Just break up." Her replies to that in text, once she showed me, were like "yea this is the last time." but each time, for 10 times, it was the same line. But it was never the end. Eventually her freinds hated me, and she couldn't be with me b/c she couldn't deal with her friends criticizing her, so she chose her friends.

 

But, sometimes I feel, enough time has passed, and this time if we ever were to patch up things would be different, but her friends would never allow her to do that.

 

There was this song I used to listen to by Stars, there's this line it:

 

"The Bravest that i've ever been, was when i ran away from you" and this very line is the epitome of what she will say to me if I were to ever go back to her.

 

 

Sad really.

[hoping2heal]

To put it concisely, we were incompatible and on top of that communication problems, hence the OAOA. I can't get into detail because that would be pages.

 

Her best friend saw me and her fighting many times, and she would have to console her afterwards when she'd be crying. Clearly, to the outside person, i'm the BAD GUY, the problem, the REASON FOR HER to be crying. But she's the one who would inititate it.

 

He freinds would say like "Just end it with him. Stay away from him. Just break up." Her replies to that in text, once she showed me, were like "yea this is the last time." but each time, for 10 times, it was the same line. But it was never the end. Eventually her freinds hated me, and she couldn't be with me b/c she couldn't deal with her friends criticizing her, so she chose her friends.

 

But, sometimes I feel, enough time has passed, and this time if we ever were to patch up things would be different, but her friends would never allow her to do that.

 

There was this song I used to listen to by Stars, there's this line it:

 

"The Bravest that i've ever been, was when i ran away from you" and this very line is the epitome of what she will say to me if I were to ever go back to her.

 

 

Sad really.

 

Friends have influence, of course. But, we all have to put on our big girl panties (or big boy pull ups? ) and take responsibility and control of our decisions.

 

If you two can't get back together because of her choosing to base decisions on her friends, instead of making them for herself then you are just as incompatible now as you were then. Plus, incompatibility is usually a very hard thing to overcome because more often than not, it boils down to inherent things that don't just change with time (though, sometimes they can).

[OK_computer]

Friends have influence, of course. But, we all have to put on our big girl panties (or big boy pull ups? ) and take responsibility and control of our decisions.

 

If you two can't get back together because of her choosing to base decisions on her friends, instead of making them for herself then you are just as incompatible now as you were then. Plus, incompatibility is usually a very hard thing to overcome because more often than not, it boils down to inherent things that don't just change with time (though, sometimes they can).

 

Correct. I agree.

[bulldogz]

Yes, I can relate in my situation.

[leoc1973]

One of my exes friends and family had her honestly thinking I was a loser. She somehow got involved with a group of girls who were gold diggers. They were super hot and living in NYC you know how it goes with money. Anyway after we had broken up we met up for coffee and I still at that point had no clue why I got dumped. I said ok honestly don't spare my feelings at all but I need to know. She said I had no drive. No ambition and "HER FRIENDS" thought I was a huge loser.

 

I am by no means a loser. I have been at the same job for 18 years. Its a really good paying(for a blue collar) job. I worked my ass off and kinda liked my job and life. Never did a drug in my life. Very rarely drank. I always went out of my way to do all the little things that girls say guys don't do. Up until she met this new group of friends one of her friends that actually loved me told me that she always goes on and on about how I am the love of her life and how she is so happy and feels so amazing that she met the man she knows she is going to spend the rest of her life with. I take her breath away bla bla bla... lol

 

Then after meeting these new girls she dumped me. Next thing I hear is she is dating some day trader or something that works on wall street. Wining and dining and flying her around the world. I kinda always knew in the back of my mind that money was the number 1 priority to her but you know how you get caught up with someone and don't really see it.

 

So yes friends and family can totally get inside a womans head. But you do have one pretty big advantage. She probably loves you very much but is sick of hearing it from everyone about your problems. She is probably looking for any sign that "you changed" and she will come running back. I think someone like her that has come back that many times really just can't resist you. Work out take a class get some new clothes and go on a few dates I bet she comes running back as fast as she can.

 

Oh and I may be a moron but what is an OAOA relationship?

[Natsu21]

One of my exes friends and family had her honestly thinking I was a loser. She somehow got involved with a group of girls who were gold diggers. They were super hot and living in NYC you know how it goes with money. Anyway after we had broken up we met up for coffee and I still at that point had no clue why I got dumped. I said ok honestly don't spare my feelings at all but I need to know. She said I had no drive. No ambition and "HER FRIENDS" thought I was a huge loser.

 

I am by no means a loser. I have been at the same job for 18 years. Its a really good paying(for a blue collar) job. I worked my ass off and kinda liked my job and life. Never did a drug in my life. Very rarely drank. I always went out of my way to do all the little things that girls say guys don't do. Up until she met this new group of friends one of her friends that actually loved me told me that she always goes on and on about how I am the love of her life and how she is so happy and feels so amazing that she met the man she knows she is going to spend the rest of her life with. I take her breath away bla bla bla... lol

 

Then after meeting these new girls she dumped me. Next thing I hear is she is dating some day trader or something that works on wall street. Wining and dining and flying her around the world. I kinda always knew in the back of my mind that money was the number 1 priority to her but you know how you get caught up with someone and don't really see it.

 

So yes friends and family can totally get inside a womans head. But you do have one pretty big advantage. She probably loves you very much but is sick of hearing it from everyone about your problems. She is probably looking for any sign that "you changed" and she will come running back. I think someone like her that has come back that many times really just can't resist you. Work out take a class get some new clothes and go on a few dates I bet she comes running back as fast as she can.

 

Oh and I may be a moron but what is an OAOA relationship?

 

On-again, off-again relationship. One that constitutes a lot of breakups in between. ex. Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber.

 

Oh and btw, sorry to say man but your ex is a gold digger.

 

The fact is that girls don't hang with girls that express such desires unless they desire it themselves.

 

So if your ex was hanging out with gold diggers, then she wants to be one.

 

You dodged a bullet, my friend.

[guest569]

I have the feeling my exes friends influenced his decision to breakup. I get the feeling they didn't like me.

[OK_computer]

One of my exes friends and family had her honestly thinking I was a loser. She somehow got involved with a group of girls who were gold diggers. They were super hot and living in NYC you know how it goes with money. Anyway after we had broken up we met up for coffee and I still at that point had no clue why I got dumped. I said ok honestly don't spare my feelings at all but I need to know. She said I had no drive. No ambition and "HER FRIENDS" thought I was a huge loser.

 

I am by no means a loser. I have been at the same job for 18 years. Its a really good paying(for a blue collar) job. I worked my ass off and kinda liked my job and life. Never did a drug in my life. Very rarely drank. I always went out of my way to do all the little things that girls say guys don't do. Up until she met this new group of friends one of her friends that actually loved me told me that she always goes on and on about how I am the love of her life and how she is so happy and feels so amazing that she met the man she knows she is going to spend the rest of her life with. I take her breath away bla bla bla... lol

 

Then after meeting these new girls she dumped me. Next thing I hear is she is dating some day trader or something that works on wall street. Wining and dining and flying her around the world. I kinda always knew in the back of my mind that money was the number 1 priority to her but you know how you get caught up with someone and don't really see it.

 

So yes friends and family can totally get inside a womans head. But you do have one pretty big advantage. She probably loves you very much but is sick of hearing it from everyone about your problems. She is probably looking for any sign that "you changed" and she will come running back. I think someone like her that has come back that many times really just can't resist you. Work out take a class get some new clothes and go on a few dates I bet she comes running back as fast as she can.

 

Oh and I may be a moron but what is an OAOA relationship?

 

Oaoa means on again off again relationship.

 

Thanks I've been working out and now I'm interested in another girl. Let's see how the future pans out.