do girls regret leaving a guy who really cared?

[NG107]

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I have posted my situaton here:

 

loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/487703-ex-girlfriend-won-t-let-me-go-won-t-get-back-even

 

I have initiated NC for 4-5 times. And maximum it lasted for a month. I was kind of feeling detached from her but still she was in my mind. Everytime she broke NC and I thought she would have gone through change of heart. But she only came for selfish reasons. I feel depressed during morning, I have blocked her from facebook, she ain't on watsapp, removed every other app where we used to chat.

 

I have blocked in my phone too, so she won't be able to talk to me on phone and neither will I recieve her SMS.

 

I again initiated NC for the final time (hope so) and I'm on day 3. I don't feel urge to talk to her as I am used to NC quite a bit. But she is on my mind, and kinda feel like seeking revenge, or seeing her pay for this. Sometimes I regret for things I have done and sometimes I blame her that she did everything, I was still trying to save the relationship.

 

I am kinda depressed, and trying to move on. I will move on. But a part of me will still love jer I guess. Do girls regret leaving a guy which really cared?

Infact still her parents adore me (as they are unaware of the situation) i am the only guy who is adored at her home. Her brother still doesnt know about the stuff happened. And she still did not make our breakup public.

 

I think she is waiting thinking for someone better might come in her life. Like grass is greener??

 

I know NC permanantly is the only option. Still would love some recommendations and your views. Thanks!

[Philosoraptor]

Regret only comes when you aren't sure you are doing the right thing. If she is sure of what she wants there will be no second guessing.

 

If she was sure of you, she wouldn't leave or look for something she sees as better.

[d0nnivain]

When 1 person makes the decision to end a relationship it doesn't matter how much the other person cared. It only matter how the 1st person feels. If they want out of the relationship, they want out.

 

Your desire for revenge is pretty normal. Acting on that desire would be a bad idea though.

 

NC is designed to help you heal, you get you used to the fact that the other person is no longer part of your life.

[JourneyLady]

I just left someone who I am sure "cared", but he continued to be disrespectful to me and wouldn't consider stopping making his disrespectful judgments. His way of handling disagreements was to pretend they didn't exist. I didn't see any way to work that out. So a lot depends on how you've treated someone.

 

No one in a healthy state of mind stays with someone who belittles and insults them, regardless of how much they "care".

[flight E]

Sometimes your caring might be the reason y a girl will leave. Depending on her maturity, she might consider the caring as a weakness

[daisydook]

Yes. I have felt regret before. It is more of a guilty feeling now more than anything. Not so much regret anymore. Regret, turned into guilt over moving on and being happy without him.

 

I found myself here, after dealing with a lot of emotional issues around my break up, about a year after I left my most recent ex. It is why I am here, on LS.

 

My head was all kinds of screwy! I was cheated on, and I felt regret for leaving? I did know better than to contact him though.

 

I felt guilty for leaving him. I felt a lot of things. I still do at times if I allow myself to. I think, if I knew he were happier, I would feel differently, but knowing his life isn't great right now, has been hard on me.

 

My life, at least from an outsiders perspective looks great. Do I have dark nights where I feel very alone, still? Yes.

 

I want him to be happy. I want him to be well. I want that for both of us. I would ideally like to see us both happy with other people. I cannot see us coming together and making it work. We had everything already. We built it all together. Each and every day, he has to live in a home we bought, living the life we built together, in a home where our dreams were starting. He gave it up. I cannot trust him to build that with him again. I could not forgive cheating and even after 18 months, I still cant wrap my head around his behaviour, even though I have long since left the situation and moved on.

 

I still find myself defensive and emotionally fueled by triggers at times, and I cannot afford a therapist! Lol. I can afford to come here though.

 

He cared about me more than anyone in the world ever did. Or I felt he did. I have been very cared for in my life, by all men I have been with. I am a good girl, I treat men well, I am not a cheater and I do love being the girlfriend who wakes up daily and says "how can I make his life easier today?" I enjoy being supportive and helpful. I love having fun. I have always been viewed as the different girl, that one girl, that when you get her you keep her, and bring home to mom, or the girl next door. All terms used to describe me, in a few words. I have never met a man who didn't want to keep me. Even my only ONS still calls, a YEAR later! Lol.

 

In reality, my ex also had a girlfriend for the last 6 months of our 9+ years together though, so I cant really wrap my head around the whole "love thing." However, in all honestly, I have felt like I made the wrong choice at times. I not only called off our wedding, but our entire life together, cut him off completely, and cut a lot of friends out of my life. I moved out on my own, and never ever looked back. We were amazing together, for a very long time. I was devastated by it, and I couldn't forgive him. Was he always like that? No. Did he always cheat? I do not believe so. At all. There is no reason to think he did, so I don't. That's what broke me so badly. He was an amazing man, and my best friend. I grew up with him! Then he was just evil and the betrayal was grand. Uncalled for, unwarranted and completely out of left field and out of character. All the good years with us is what I feel guilty about leaving.

 

I KNOW there will be a time when I don't have these feelings any more at all, and I know this because as each day goes on, I feel stronger in the choice I made. He will always be my weakness and always has been, and we just have this insane bond with one another. I don't know what the hell happened to him, but it killed us. He is like that friend where you see one another or pick up the phone and it is like nothing ever happened, and you pick up where you left off. Even during our younger crazy years, we were like this, and I have no doubt if we were to talk, we would find ourselves reminiscing now. NOT SAFE. He was my weakness and I had fallen head over heels in love with him, right from our first date at 19. We had a few small break ups in our early twenties, but I always came "home."

 

I have prayed so hard, and wished so badly, and even been mad at myself for not forgiving him. I stayed single for a year because I didnt know who or what I wanted, if anyone! I don't forgive him though. I just frankly don't and simply do not have the tools I need to forgive him. I am not built to forgive that kind of betrayal.

 

I simply do not know how to go "home" this time. It isn't my home anymore. I have been trying to figure out where home is since we split and only now feel more comfy by myself.

 

I am 30, my ex and I were together from the time I was 19-28. Engaged to be married and trying for a baby and had been living together for 7 of those 9 years. I don't know if any of what I have said helps. I cared deeply enough for him to want to marry him and have his children, which is something I want with no one at this point in my life. He was very special to me. He was definitely the one who got away and I had no choice but to let him go. Do regret it? Only sometimes, but not as much anymore. I know I regret it for irrational reasons.