Fresh wounds

[footinthemouth]

Hi everyone,

It's been a long time since I've been on here, it helps reading the threads and feeling the support within this community.

 

I just broke up with my girlfriend of 4 years the other day and everything is very fresh. The reason why I broke up with her was because our RS was becoming more and more violent. I was upsetting her to a point where she would want to hit me,never did, and she would upset me to punching walls and doors. I'm not a violent person but when my feelings have had enough I blow up. I have put my hands on her aggressively in anger and I know that isn't right. I fear that if i were to continue this RS and we keep on this pattern I will be charged with domestic abuse and thrown into jail.

 

This is a very big factor that helped me make my decision. I cannot let myself get to that point. I realized that our RS is unhealthy and that how we are now as a person is not compatible with each other. Basic description of us... She's a Dependant and I am a care giver, 10 year difference in age, RS moved very fast. I know that I have a lot of things I need to work on and I can't do it while in this relationship. I feel that she has stuff to work on as well but I have no control over that.

 

I worry for her well being and want the best for her, again the care giver attitude, my concern for her is on my mind. I've started NC to a degree, and chatted once with her and replied back to her texts twice. It's hard to resist the temptation of contact, of familiarity but I have to try my best to hold my ground and be strong for both our sakes.

 

I feel that I made the right decision but it also creeps in my mind the "what if's"

Did I do what is healthy for the both of us?

[hoping2heal]

Sounds like the choice you made here was not the easy one but it WAS the right one. I commend you for being able to recognize the unhealthy behavior on your own behalf and wanting to fix it. Best of luck!