mav3rik Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 Hi, Im going to try and make this as short as I can. I've been in 2 real relationships since this last one. 6 yrs and 2.5 yrs respectively. I cheated on the 6yrs one (which I regret to this day) and got cheated on by the 2.5 one (which I was glad because it toxic to begin with). So I know how it feels on both sides. After almost 9 yr straight of being in a relationship I finally decided to take a break from relationships and focus on getting to know me. What I really want.. and to heal and apologize for my past sins. Well, I did. Im in a much better shape after 1 year and finally decided to go back to getting into a relationship and share my new found happiness to someone else. I met this girl, she's 21, I'm 30 and we got along pretty well. I pursued her for 3 months before she decided to take the relationship to the next level. 2 months into the relationship everything was really doing great. I'm doing a lot of things for her, which I'm happy doing, spoiling her rotten (bringing her food in the office, taking her home, bringing chocolates and flowers and text her everyday). Then all of a sudden she broke up with, saying that I'm too good for her and that she can't give back the love that I'm giving her. It was all so sudden. I was shocked, confused, angry. I even begged her to stay (which i've never done before) and she would have none of it. This happened 2 months ago. I am now on my 16th day of NC. I quit my job so that I won't see her (got a new one now). Got a new hobby (mountain biking and rock climbing) but I'm still in so much pain... I have plenty of experience so I should have recovered from this easily. But no, I think about her all the freaking time and how will I get her to come back (still going thru NC but it's like withdrawal from an addiction and it's killing me). This was supposed to be different. I have no excess baggage from previous relationships. She seems to be a really great person inside and out.. I guess my question is (especially to the ladies). WHAT DOES "TOO GOOD" MEAN? please help me out and shed some light. I have a lot of lady friends but I don't really feel like showing self pity in front of them because of this.. Thanks in advance. Link to post Share on other sites
Smilecharmer Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 She is 21 which is a notorious age for not knowing what they want or who they really are. You did nothing wrong but she just isn't emotionally or maturity wise in the same spot as you. Too good means I'm not into you but I don't want to hurt your feelings. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 I think you came on a little too strong. Seems like you were smothering her with all that you were doing for her. It also doesn't help matters any that she is only 21. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 21 is just finding your feet time.....for most guys and girls.....i had a fifteen year relationship from fifteen ...and i had no idea really other than loyalty in my heart to keep me going..... if i were to sya to a guy after two months you are too good for me it would be because he has said something that makes me feel he wouldnt accept my past and that i would be unable to let him know what that was due to him judging me...so i would end it like that with a you are too good for me, you deserve more than who i am and i wish you well....i normally twist it onto myself to ease the guys hurt feelings.......like i ended a relationship by saying i am way too boring for you instead of you party too much with drugs and pointed out why i was too boring.....i dont blame the guy i am involved with......for a relationship to end ...its me who ends it i am not for them nor them for me....and i do it in the least hurtful as possible i dont like hurting guys would rather take the responsibility in a way that makes them not feel so down...i dont play games and once i end it its over...i will offer friendship though if they want to, if they dont i understand....deb ....... Link to post Share on other sites
SoThatHappened Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 She is 21 which is a notorious age for not knowing what they want or who they really are. You did nothing wrong but she just isn't emotionally or maturity wise in the same spot as you. Too good means I'm not into you but I don't want to hurt your feelings. This ^^^ Been there done that with the age gap. Never again! She's just barely starting her life. I didn't want to be tied down at 21. I wanted to have fun and hookup here and there. Got that outta my system "You're too good for me" is a is a nice way of saying she doesn't want to be with you. You also smothered her a bit, man. A big turn off. I understand the hurt. You were still in the honeymoon phase, and it had no reason to end. You were both still experiencing all the new and fun things when you're just getting to know someone. At least it wasn't a bad breakup (doesn't sound like it at all). You did the right thing by going NC to allow yourself to heal up. It also sounds like you're doing a good job of staying busy. It shouldn't take too long to recover from such a short relationship. Everyone recovers on their own time. Just give it that... some time. Go find someone closer to your age and you won't have to deal with being dropped after only a couple months. You'll probably find you have much more in common with someone around 30 y/o. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
irresolute Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 You were too predictable. Besides he was way too young for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 Sounds a bit like what happened to me and my ex. I'm 32 and she was 21. Six months into the relationship she suddenly dumped me for reasons she wasn't able to explain. What really bugged me is that before we got together, she was with a boyfriend for three years. Sometimes women do things that just don't make any sense to anybody. Not even themselves. Link to post Share on other sites
irresolute Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 Sounds a bit like what happened to me and my ex. I'm 32 and she was 21. Six months into the relationship she suddenly dumped me for reasons she wasn't able to explain. What really bugged me is that before we got together, she was with a boyfriend for three years. Sometimes women do things that just don't make any sense to anybody. Not even themselves. Same for men. I'd say you need to review why she left you. Maybe you couldn't hear what she said. Or maybe she couldn't tell you because she didn't want to hurt your feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
erklat Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 This ^^^ Been there done that with the age gap. Never again! She's just barely starting her life. I didn't want to be tied down at 21. I wanted to have fun and hookup here and there. Got that outta my system "You're too good for me" is a is a nice way of saying she doesn't want to be with you. You also smothered her a bit, man. A big turn off. I understand the hurt. You were still in the honeymoon phase, and it had no reason to end. You were both still experiencing all the new and fun things when you're just getting to know someone. At least it wasn't a bad breakup (doesn't sound like it at all). You did the right thing by going NC to allow yourself to heal up. It also sounds like you're doing a good job of staying busy. It shouldn't take too long to recover from such a short relationship. Everyone recovers on their own time. Just give it that... some time. Go find someone closer to your age and you won't have to deal with being dropped after only a couple months. You'll probably find you have much more in common with someone around 30 y/o. It took me 10 months to fully recover from 3 month relationship. Never again with the age gap. The irony of it all because I'm emotionally completely shut off now each of them all of a sudden are marriage material. Simply you aren't on the same page in life. Yeah, they don't. I'll never forgive myself for lashing out on her and validating her wwith that. Give her the taste of her own medicine. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mav3rik Posted July 29, 2014 Author Share Posted July 29, 2014 She is 21 which is a notorious age for not knowing what they want or who they really are. You did nothing wrong but she just isn't emotionally or maturity wise in the same spot as you. Too good means I'm not into you but I don't want to hurt your feelings. thanks, I kinda knew this, one of the reasons I understood her. I went thru the exact same thing at that age... she should have ended a lot sooner tho. a lot of pain could have been avoided. in those 3 months that i chased her there were moments when I was ready to walk away. But she fought for me, which in a way, kind off sent a signal that she's a little bit mature.. I dunno but most of my gf's are older than me. the last 2 long ones are.. this is actually the first time i dated someone younger. and probably way too young.. thanks for sincere reply. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mav3rik Posted July 29, 2014 Author Share Posted July 29, 2014 so i would end it like that with a you are too good for me, you deserve more than who i am and i wish you well....i normally twist it onto myself to ease the guys hurt feelings.......like i ended a relationship by saying i am way too boring for you instead of you party too much with drugs and pointed out why i was too boring.....i dont blame the guy i am involved with......for a relationship to end ...its me who ends it i am not for them nor them for me....and i do it in the least hurtful as possible i dont like hurting guys would rather take the responsibility in a way that makes them not feel so down...i dont play games and once i end it its over...i will offer friendship though if they want to, if they dont i understand....deb ....... Wow, this exactly how she played it. She said that she wouldn't make me happy in the long run, and that she's dead on the inside, etc. She still likes to party, and I let her enjoy her youth. I don't go with her all the time but I always ask her to either text me the plate number of the cab she's riding when a little or call me so that I can pick her up and take her home. It's I kinda ironic now that I took the time for this relationship and it turns out to be the shortest. And it hurt a lot more as well, I kinda wish she should just have cheated.. did you regret it tho? or were you hurt? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mav3rik Posted July 29, 2014 Author Share Posted July 29, 2014 You were too predictable. Besides he was way too young for you. Thank you.. maybe I was just too supportive of her. It kinda feels such a waste taking 1 year to heal up and be ready just to go back to square one. Then again I never have experienced dating someone so young.. so this is a learning experience for me... only painful. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mav3rik Posted July 29, 2014 Author Share Posted July 29, 2014 Sounds a bit like what happened to me and my ex. I'm 32 and she was 21. Six months into the relationship she suddenly dumped me for reasons she wasn't able to explain. What really bugged me is that before we got together, she was with a boyfriend for three years. Sometimes women do things that just don't make any sense to anybody. Not even themselves. THISS!! she was with someone for 2 years and was single for about 5 months before she met me. And it left me questioning why only a couple months when I was treating her better than her exes have treated her? Link to post Share on other sites
Ordinaryday Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 sorry dude but you really need to learn to read between the lines. "you're too good for me" means "I'm too good for you" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 Hi, Im going to try and make this as short as I can. I've been in 2 real relationships since this last one. 6 yrs and 2.5 yrs respectively. I cheated on the 6yrs one (which I regret to this day) and got cheated on by the 2.5 one (which I was glad because it toxic to begin with). So I know how it feels on both sides. After almost 9 yr straight of being in a relationship I finally decided to take a break from relationships and focus on getting to know me. What I really want.. and to heal and apologize for my past sins. Well, I did. Im in a much better shape after 1 year and finally decided to go back to getting into a relationship and share my new found happiness to someone else. I met this girl, she's 21, I'm 30 and we got along pretty well. I pursued her for 3 months before she decided to take the relationship to the next level. 2 months into the relationship everything was really doing great. I'm doing a lot of things for her, which I'm happy doing, spoiling her rotten (bringing her food in the office, taking her home, bringing chocolates and flowers and text her everyday). Then all of a sudden she broke up with, saying that I'm too good for her and that she can't give back the love that I'm giving her. It was all so sudden. I was shocked, confused, angry. I even begged her to stay (which i've never done before) and she would have none of it. This happened 2 months ago. I am now on my 16th day of NC. I quit my job so that I won't see her (got a new one now). Got a new hobby (mountain biking and rock climbing) but I'm still in so much pain... I have plenty of experience so I should have recovered from this easily. But no, I think about her all the freaking time and how will I get her to come back (still going thru NC but it's like withdrawal from an addiction and it's killing me). This was supposed to be different. I have no excess baggage from previous relationships. She seems to be a really great person inside and out.. I guess my question is (especially to the ladies). WHAT DOES "TOO GOOD" MEAN? please help me out and shed some light. I have a lot of lady friends but I don't really feel like showing self pity in front of them because of this.. Thanks in advance. I think the part in bold has a lot to do with it. However, it could be that you were so attentive and she felt less for you than you were showing you felt for her. People do tend to feel "guilty" if they notice someone is going out of their way for someone so much or clearly displaying a level of feelings they don't reciprocate. The "too good" part comes from feeling that the person deserves to have someone who feels as intensely for them in return and knowing they can't give that to you. Being a YA can also mean one is in the stage of being fickle and prone to changing their feelings or minds at the drop of a hat. The reasons can be as superficial and shallow as they come. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mav3rik Posted July 29, 2014 Author Share Posted July 29, 2014 I think the part in bold has a lot to do with it. However, it could be that you were so attentive and she felt less for you than you were showing you felt for her. People do tend to feel "guilty" if they notice someone is going out of their way for someone so much or clearly displaying a level of feelings they don't reciprocate. The "too good" part comes from feeling that the person deserves to have someone who feels as intensely for them in return and knowing they can't give that to you. Being a YA can also mean one is in the stage of being fickle and prone to changing their feelings or minds at the drop of a hat. The reasons can be as superficial and shallow as they come. Thank you and very well said. I think it could be both, I am guilty of being so attentive to her needs she didn't even expect me not to get upset when she goes out drinking. I do drink, too, but not on a regular basis as before. On a different note, the ex who cheated on me recently called and wanted to get back together (she's still in a relationship with the guy she cheated me with) and said that she misses me and sorry and that I was much better at treating her.. I accepted her apology and now we are friends but told her that i won't come back. She's helping me out these days in making sure I do NC (always texting, i refuse to see her). kinda sweet but still not enough to take her back. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 THISS!! she was with someone for 2 years and was single for about 5 months before she met me. And it left me questioning why only a couple months when I was treating her better than her exes have treated her? Wow, that is really similar. That definitely goes against the notion that because of her age she can't handle a long term relationship and doesn't want to be tied down. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mav3rik Posted July 29, 2014 Author Share Posted July 29, 2014 The difference about me from her exes tho, is they were the same age as hers and I'm the only one that did NC after the break. Her exes still maintained contact even when we were together. I wasn't insecure about it so it wasn't really an issue as long as she doesn't text them constantly when we were out together. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mav3rik Posted July 30, 2014 Author Share Posted July 30, 2014 Day 17, I'm restraining myself from calling or texting her. This is so difficult, it feels like withdrawal syndrome from a drug I am addicted to. Part of me is thinking that she's waiting for my move. (she's still not seeing anyone according to a mutual friend). Man, this is soooooo.. i don't know. Link to post Share on other sites
awesome0 Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 Anyone who you've treated well that says "you are too good for me" doesn't have enough respect for themselves. This doesn't reflect poorly on you in any way. If you take it at face value as literal than it says a whole lot more about them than it does you. If you are too good for them then they are not worth what you have to offer. I know its not easy to get in a good state of mind after break up, but I was dumped in a similar fashion a few months ago and as heartbroken as I was I now view my ex as a loser, because I was really to good for her and rather than think I wasn't good enough for a while, now I realize she was right. Just my 2cents 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mav3rik Posted July 31, 2014 Author Share Posted July 31, 2014 (edited) Anyone who you've treated well that says "you are too good for me" doesn't have enough respect for themselves. This doesn't reflect poorly on you in any way. If you take it at face value as literal than it says a whole lot more about them than it does you. If you are too good for them then they are not worth what you have to offer. I know its not easy to get in a good state of mind after break up, but I was dumped in a similar fashion a few months ago and as heartbroken as I was I now view my ex as a loser, because I was really to good for her and rather than think I wasn't good enough for a while, now I realize she was right. Just my 2cents You're probably right. I mean, she's probably not as pretty as any of my ex was but she possess something that really draws me in. I was about to text her to say hi.. then I looked at our previous conversations when I was texting her 2 pages worth of pain and how much i loved her and her only reply would either be "sorry" or ":(". Im worth 1 word to her. I really don't know why am I still hoping that she would reach out and take me back. I don't know why I begged or didn't scream at her when she broke up with me. That's how much I have grown.. If this happened like 3 years ago it would have a different scenario. Damn this feels.. Edited July 31, 2014 by mav3rik Link to post Share on other sites
Author mav3rik Posted August 8, 2014 Author Share Posted August 8, 2014 Day 25. I have been really busy lately, gym stuff and went scuba diving over the weekends. last night I went out with a mutual friend of ours. she informed me that my ex has changed a lot. she's dressing all sexy now and hanging out and drinking with guys even if she's the only girl in the group. I don't have any boiling hatred or anything. But I really wanted to call her and tell her to be careful. I know she's new to these things (drinking and hanging out with a lot of guys) and I don't really want anything bad happening to her plus I don't really want to get back now since my mind is a lot clearer now. I guess my question is... do you guys/girls think i should call her? just wish her well? Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Match Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 No, you shouldn't call her. Keep to NC. She is young and will be stupid and make mistakes and get into trouble. She is not your responsibility anymore. You'll meet someone more suited to your maturity level soon enough if you continue to focus on your own life, your new hobbies and get out and socialise. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
erklat Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 If she does something that will stain and haunt her for the rest of her life... Let her do so. It is none of your concern. You start living your own life ... For yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mav3rik Posted September 26, 2014 Author Share Posted September 26, 2014 3 months out.. I have done so much for myself lately.. i have been rock climbing now every couple of weeks. just learned surfing and open sea diving during the past month as well. Been going to the gym twice a week and I ride my mountain bike to work.. so i guess, im really getting into shape.. so many new experiences and its really helping me out. I have recently made aware that she now has a new bf. (yes, we exchanged a few text messages since august). I told her best of luck. I don't expect she will ever be back. I did tell her that i didnt stop caring.. and also that i miss her. (her reply was: awwww, thank youuuu). surprisingly, it didnt hurt as much. still going NC as I don't want to bother her and her new relationship. but, thank you so much for everyone who has replied. you don't know how much you have helped me and I still lurk in these forums from time to time. (im at work, so im really typing this reply as fast as i can) i don't go online at home anymore.. too busy getting fit. thanks again Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts