My ex left me for someone else.

[mguevara_209]

Here is the story: I met him when we both got hired as tutors at my school. We are both 22 now. When I met him, he had just gotten out of a relationship one month ago, and I know that he would still text his ex. I noticed he liked me ever since he met me, and even my co-workers and managers would notice this. They all wanted us to be together. When we started talking, he was the nicest guy I had ever met. I found him very smart, sweet and charming. We started dating two months after we met. In the beginning of our relationship, he was still the sweet guy I had met. After a few weeks, I started noticing that he had a very short temper and would get mad over the smallest things. Also, if my friends tried to hang out with me, my ex would tell me that I should go hang out with him instead because my friends are not my real friends and that I should only trust him. I started believing this. I started to drift away from them. If I wore certain clothes (which are not even revealing at all), he would tell me not to wear them because i "was trying to get guys' attention." One day, one of my co-workers (who is also one of my good friends and a female), invited me to take a walk around the school, my ex was working, and I wasn't so I just went. When he got his break and didn't see me at the library, he was so mad. My friend also asked me to take a fitness class with her, and this pissed him off because he said that I was only supposed to work out with him. Similarly, he would get so mad if I ever had a conversation with any of my other male co-workers. If he saw that I was on Facebook at any time of day, he would message me and ask me who I was talking to. Even worse, sometimes he would accuse me of messaging guys when I was not. If he knew I was out with my cousin or my mom, he would not stop texting me. He would want to know what I was doing every 5 minutes. All of this went on for 8 months, and it really affected my self-esteem. I became very insecure about myself. I just let all of these signs go because I had feelings for this guy. I was blind.

 

 

He started his science class in the beginning of June. In the beginning, he still texted me and made an effort to talk to me. However, two weeks after the class started, I noticed he started acting a little different. He would not texting me anymore and did not want to hang out with me. This happened for two weeks. I would ask him if we could hang out, and he would say that he was busy. I logged on to Facebook, and this guy was literally on the whole day. I figured something had to be going on. I asked him to tell me, but he said he was just busy, and I know that was not the truth because he was less loving. We finally got to hang out by the end of June. I went over his house, and I got to ask him in person what was really going on. I told him I had a feeling that something was wrong, and he told me that I was being paranoid. I asked him to please show me what was going on on Facebook because he had been on this whole time while I was trying to see him, and he did not want to. I finally had him open it, and he had been messaging a girl he had just met in his science class. They had been talking for two weeks while I was trying to spend time with him, and he was "busy." We had a fight over this because I told him that he lied to me, and he asked me to leave his house. When I was in my car, he told me that he was not enjoying his time with me anymore and that he wanted to be single for a while. I was okay in the beginning because he said that he needed to be single for a while. He lied. As soon as I got home, he posted on Facebook, "Life is good." The day after we broke up, he was hanging out with the girl he had just met in his class. A week after, he uploaded a picture with her at his house, and they were in his pool swimming. This really hurt me, and I tried to stay off social media so I didn't have to see what he was posting. Three weeks after breaking up with me, they made it official. This really hurt me. I felt betrayed and lied to. We broke up after 8 months of being together, and after 3 weeks he asked out the girl I knew he had been talking to, and he had been denying it. I feel so stupid for taking so much from this guy. There were signs of him being possessive, and I ignored them. But, as soon as he finds someone who he thinks is better, he leaves me for her. The other day, I was working, and he took her to the library so she could get an application to also apply as a tutor. I'm just extremely hurt by all this because I feel like he just used me and played with my feelings. I'm sorry for the long post. I just need advice. I have been trying to go out and spend time with my friends and family, but the feeling of being replaced and betrayal always comes to me. How can one get over these feelings?

[elseaacych]

When you break up with someone, or get broken up with, their goal is usually to find a replacement as soon as possible. It's not a reflection on you, other than they just don't want to be with you. It's sucky. It's human nature.

 

Handle it by not wanting to feel betrayed. Handle it by you wanting to let him go. It will take a long time, but if you want to let go, and commit fully to it, you will.

[zen2475]

You dodged a huge bullet and you should count your blessings. Based on what you posted, he's a controlling, jealous jerk and has demonstrated all the hallmark behaviors of an abuser. His jealous, controlling ways could very have escalated to more insidious, abusive behavior.

 

A lot of times abusers are misogynists. They despise their need to have the love and companionship of a woman, and one of the ways they try to cope with those feelings is that they have different lovers in order to keep from getting too close to one. It helps him to keep a sense of distance between himself and his spouse/partner.

 

Cheating is one of the ways a man can hurt a woman, and degrade her, making her feel less important to him than she really is. His thinking is that in allowing her to know that he is desired by other women, it will make her hold onto him. It sounds crazy because it is, but amazingly enough, many times it works.

 

Don't play his game. Block him on FB, block his phone, block his email. Be glad he is out of your life. You have done nothing wrong and this guy is not worthy of you.