Should I inform dumper ex someone is sabotaging his business?

[Jane3000]

Long story short.

Been broken up for about 3-4 months...been together 12 months..

We used to work together ( at his business) and I quit my job after we broke up... couldn't stand seeing him everyday.. He was very upset that i left and cut off contact completely with me. I texted him a couple of times, moments of weakness, he didn't reply.

Last week i bumped into a former co-worker who was quitting and told me that she was "redirect" her long standing clients away from my ex's business ( the clients belong to my ex's business ) to her new job. she didn't know we were dating).

 

Should I inform my ex? I still care about him but I know I need to move on.

[Ordinaryday]

If she is 'redirecting' clients that is not actually sabotage, it may be unethical but not illegal, sabotage is illegal, please be careful using that term.

 

I dont see what purpose it will serve to inform him, just leave things be

[Jane3000]

i just thought what the former co-worker is doing is highly unprofessional and wrong especially if she is still being paid to work there at present as it is against her employment contract and it will save the my ex's business a lot of money...It's a small business and he is a good boss.

I'm just not sure what he might think of me if I tell him.

[Ordinaryday]

i just thought what the former co-worker is doing is highly unprofessional and wrong especially if she is still being paid to work there at present as it is against her employment contract and it will save the my ex's business a lot of money...It's a small business and he is a good boss.

I'm just not sure what he might think of me if I tell him.

 

it's not your problem:

 

1) he may not even believe you. he may (and probably will) see it as you meddling in his affairs.

2) he may just see it as a thinly veiled attempt to get back on his 'good side' and for you to win him back. I take it is not (at least I hope it isnt) but HE MAY NOT SEE IT THAT WAY.

3) The moment he dumped you his affairs stopped being your responsibility. whatever happens to him now is NOT YOUR PROBLEM OR CONCERN.

 

I know how you feel.

 

my ex-girlfriend, the dumper, was going to be made redundant and was STRUGGLING SO HARD to find a job in the month or so before she dumped me, and she was just getting rejection after rejection. it was killing her, and I really wanted to help her but didn't see how I could.

 

then she dumped me in october 2012.... anyway about a month later through a friend I found out about a job she would BE PERFECT FOR, and I knew the person doing the hiring as a friend, so I KNEW I COULD GET HER THIS JOB IF I WANTED TO.

 

I thought about it... and did nothing. not my problem anymore. the moment she dumped me she basically said she does not want or need me in her life anymore and that includes ALL OCCASIONS, including those where I KNOW I could help her out.

 

it is not my responsibility or role to 'be there' for her anymore, it stopped being my job the moment she dumped me.

 

the same thing applies in this case. the moment he dumped you he essentially said that he does not want or need your love, support and help in his life anymore. so give him exactly what he wants.... and do nothing.

[Candy_Pants]

Tell him if you want. Don't expect anything out of it. Including gratitude.

[Jane3000]

Thanks so much for your advice! As far as I am concerned we are done. I just thought if this was happening to me, i would like to know! Honestly I don't want him in my life any more. I know it will never be the same. But at the same time I still want him and his business to do well..

[Tbisb74]

It may be illegal, and her contract may stipulate she is barred from doing so, so she might be doing something unlawful..... It's sometimes known as professional sabotage' and is very common in companies where there are client lists such as Law, accounting etc.

In your shoes, what would I do....? Frankly, whatever personal feelings you may have for your ex, should not interfere with the professional aspect of his business. In my personal opinion, it would be a legitimate reason for contacting him. Simply because you're 'out of love', is no reason to be out of morals or scruples.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Why would you do him any favours?

 

Schadenfreude

[Jane3000]

Thanks so much for your advice! Do you think he might think that I am interfering his business?

[Jane3000]

Why would you do him any favours?

 

Schadenfreude

 

Because I still care about him...

[Tbisb74]

Thanks so much for your advice! Do you think he might think that I am interfering his business?

as long as you inform him in a professional and dispassionate way, I think it wouldn't be classed as interfering.

"Please consider this communication to be private and confidential.

I hear such-and-such is leaving the company. I'm sorry you're losing a valued employee, but I personally would advise you to be cautious, because she tells me she intends tasking her client list with her. I have no desire to become embroiled in any consequence, so please be discreet, but I felt it was fair to advise you of her intentions."

Edited July 27, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed personal attack

[Jane3000]

as long as you inform him in a professional and dispassionate way, I think it wouldn't be classed as interfering.

"Please consider this communication to be private and confidential.

I hear such-and-such is leaving the company. I'm sorry you're losing a valued employee, but I personally would advise you to be cautious, because she tells me she intends tasking her client list with her. I have no desire to become embroiled in any consequence, so please be discreet, but I felt it was fair to advise you of her intentions."

 

Thanks Tbisb74 I LOVE your advice! You sound so SMART!!! I think I'm going to draft an email :-)

Edited July 27, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Tbisb74]

Remember to put an appropriate title in the subject line. You don't want him thinking "Oh goodness, it's her again...." Put something like "Business practice warning" or something. Be sure to mention the confidentiality thing. Then he can't pull you into any subsequent dispute with her.

[Jane3000]

Remember to put an appropriate title in the subject line. You don't want him thinking "Oh goodness, it's her again...." Put something like "Business practice warning" or something. Be sure to mention the confidentiality thing. Then he can't pull you into any subsequent dispute with her.

 

The Best Piece Of Advice Ever! I know I will feel so much better after I send the email.

Thank you so so much! :-)

[Tbisb74]

Should you eventually get repercussions from her, (she may work out how he found out) neither confirm nor deny. Merely point out that having left the company, you have no idea what politics go on within it, but her offloading her anger on you is unwarranted, given that she was thinking of embarking on wholly inappropriate and questionable tactics. If she has been caught out, that is her problem, not yours. Perhaps she should address her own business practice, rather than take it out on someone else....

[Jane3000]

Should you eventually get repercussions from her, (she may work out how he found out) neither confirm nor deny. Merely point out that having left the company, you have no idea what politics go on within it, but her offloading her anger on you is unwarranted, given that she was thinking of embarking on wholly inappropriate and questionable tactics. If she has been caught out, that is her problem, not yours. Perhaps she should address her own business practice, rather than take it out on someone else....

 

:)

 

I just hope he doesn't think I am a trouble maker or being pathetic with no self respect and trying to contact him again after two attempts with no responses.....

At least my conscience is clear..

[HappyLove]

You're taking on a world of trouble for a guy who couldn't be bothered with you. Yes, you will come out looking stupid. Leave it alone. It's obvious the only reason you're doing this is because you're hung up on this guy. Don't think he's gonna come running into your arms for "saving him". Just move on already, this is clearly an attempt of you trying to win some guy back who couldn't care less about you. Move on.

 

To add: I have no idea what your business is but did you ever stop to think what if you're the ONLY person she told and they somehow figured you were dating? Is he allowed to date his employees? What if she fights back and said YOU misunderstood what they said and makes you pay with the law? What if the word gets out that some ex gf of this guy who he previously employed is interfering with his business? It's a small world, you could be sabotaging your own future if word gets out in the field that you were sleeping with the boss, and now causing others in the field to lose their business! Let's not pretend that your first reaction to this news wasn't ding ding ding I get to contact him AGAIN!

Edited July 27, 2014 by HappyLove

[Jane3000]

Thanks for your reply. a few questions/answers...

 

1."Yes, you will come out looking stupid'

 

Why will I come out looking stupid?

 

2."Is he allowed to date his employees?"

 

It's just a small family owned business. So it's none of others business if we dated or not. We just didn't want people know about us purposely before getting REALLY serious (talking about marriage).

 

3" It's a small world, you could be sabotaging your own future if word gets out in the field that you were sleeping with the boss, and now causing others in the field to lose their business!"

 

How am I going to cause others in the field to lose their business?

 

4."Let's not pretend that your first reaction to this news wasn't ding ding ding I get to contact him AGAIN!"

 

My first reaction was...very concerned for him and his business. and perhaps yes I did get a little excited/nervous about contacting him again. He might not give a crap about me anymore but still he doesn't deserve that. I honestly am not expecting any response from him and just want him to be aware... that's all.

 

I am so confused about what to do now...

Edited July 27, 2014 by Jane3000

[Elle1975]

If the guy had been decent with me, yes I'd tell him.

 

However, how you tell him will make you look pathetic or not. I'd probably say something like "I ran into X. She informed me that she is stealing your clients". And that's it. No "I thought I'd let you know" or "Call me" or anything.

[Gaeta]

I would NOT put this in writing if you don't want to be dragged into a legal suit. You think your ex will pay your lawyer's fee? No.

 

You bet he will use that letter against her. Maybe she had no intention of acting on what she told you and she was just being bitter, then with this letter you expose yourself to being sued by her for trying to hurt her reputation in the field.

 

If your ex is smart then he had all his employees sign a no competition clause so he is protected against these ex employees. If he has not done this then he'll learn an live.

 

You also cannot 'take' a client away unless you offer him something better. Customers aren't stupid. If she's starting on her own I doubt she has the means to attract many clients away from him.

[HappyLove]

Thanks for your reply. a few questions/answers...

 

1."Yes, you will come out looking stupid'

 

Why will I come out looking stupid?

 

2."Is he allowed to date his employees?"

 

It's just a small family owned business. So it's none of others business if we dated or not. We just didn't want people know about us purposely before getting REALLY serious (talking about marriage).

 

3" It's a small world, you could be sabotaging your own future if word gets out in the field that you were sleeping with the boss, and now causing others in the field to lose their business!"

 

How am I going to cause others in the field to lose their business?

 

4."Let's not pretend that your first reaction to this news wasn't ding ding ding I get to contact him AGAIN!"

 

My first reaction was...very concerned for him and his business. and perhaps yes I did get a little excited/nervous about contacting him again. He might not give a crap about me anymore but still he doesn't deserve that. I honestly am not expecting any response from him and just want him to be aware... that's all.

 

I am so confused about what to do now...

 

 

You will come out looking stupid because you look like the ex who's grasping at straws to contact the boss AGAIN after breaking up. Also you could damage YOUR future job prospects once they're done spreading the word.

 

Your reaction to how its none of their business we were dating makes me wonder if it's such a non issue why was it a secret?

 

How will you cause others to lose their business? Aren't you going to tell on your friend who's starting up a new position? Don't you think she could lose her job/business? What about the clients she's "redirecting" could they face potential problems from your ex's company?

 

 

Really girl? I don't buy that you'd be so concerned if this wasn't someone you used to date and are now pining for. If any other platonic business owner cut ties with you and didn't reply to your inquiries after leaving would you go out of your way to warn them?

[Tbisb74]

Jane3000, my advice still stands.

Why?

Because you are leaving the emotional out of this, and dealing with the matter on a business level. If he had a company with whom he worked closely, discovering this, they would surely use business channels to advise him of impending problems. Keep the emotional out of it. You WERE emotionally involved. Frankly, in my own personal opinion, it's not about what others think. It's about what the right thing to do is.

Only you can decide that, at the end of the day. But let me just put it this way: if the roles were reversed, would you be grateful to him for contacting you in this way and letting YOU know a soon-to-be ex-employee was exploiting your work client list? One final question: How will this affect you in a year's time? probably dust settled, forgotten and moved on. What therefore, is the risk, exactly?

[Gaeta]

What therefore, is the risk, exactly?

 

The risk is to be dragged in court for things that are not her business.

 

I am in business, we sued in court an ex-employee that tried to leave with our database. It lasted 3 years and piled up legal bills in the 6 digits. If this ex employee goes ahead with her plan then OP will be dragged into this with her letter.

 

If this woman does not go on with her plan, her ex will still confront her with OP letter (as prevention) than that gives ground to this woman to sue OP.

 

OP, stay the heck out of it. Your ex is a big boy, he's a business man, he can handle it without you.

[kaylan]

Why would you do him any favours?

 

Schadenfreude

This.

 

screw him. you owe him nothing.

Because I still care about him...

And he cared enough to go no contact, remember?

 

Just mind your business and focus on your own career. Save your good deeds for those who have something positive to contribute to your life.

[carhill]

Guys and gals who run successful businesses know how to read revenue reports and cross-reference to employees/ex-employees and connect the dots. All we do is cross the reports to the GPS tracking and it's pretty easy to see who's been doing what and with whom. It's not like poaching doesn't go on all the time. If he's in fact getting poached, and you have no way of verifying this without reviewing revenue reports, then it's incumbent upon him to take whatever marketing and/or legal measures are available to him to rectify that.

 

Even when employees sign no-competes, there's a legal cost tied to pursuing damages and enforcing the no-compete and smart employers know how to balance the costs versus the benefits. If this is a case of a no-compete, then the owner has some decisions to make. If an ex-employee is not legally constrained from poaching clients, expect it! Even if they are, expect it! That's how a lot of us started our businesses. Kill or be killed. That's how business works!

 

Leave the machinations to them and move on to the next job and my advice would be to not become involved sexually with your employer. Of course, there is no law prohibiting it and, even if there was, people do it all the time, like stealing clients!