kyoto Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 (edited) Here's the story. This girls invited me over to watch a movie, we watched, cuddle and eventually ****ed (lost my virginity age 26). Never had a girlfriend and never kissed. The next day we talked and she didn't felt the same way. (keep in mind I work with her I see her very often.) She said she wanted to try and see if her feeling would changed, it didn't. The 4th days into this "relationship" we went out to movies and we went back to her place and we talked and eventually she broke up with me. We agreed to be friends with benefits. How do I approach this? I like this girl but she doesn't like me back. I'm down with friends with benefits. Also, when we had sex I couldn't bust. It was awkward. I find her attractive and she finds me attractive but not in a sense of a committed relationship. Also having a though of her talking to another guys hurts. Should I wait and see if she'll ever changed her mind? She's 20 turning 21. It's her party moment. That's what I think that's holding her for a committed relationship. Edited July 25, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 Just use her for practice, honestly. Don't bring up anything else, just make it about sex and some pseudo-quality friendship/relationship time, don't think of it beyond that. This is an ideal situation for you to gain some experience and essentially play some catch-up since you've lost your virginity at 26, many women will judge you based on your performance, so make all the mistakes with a girl that doesn't really "count"...so to speak. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mangetout Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 I think you need to forget about this girl and just take it as a first time experience. There is no point chasing her if that's how she feels. She wont change. I am sure there will be plenty of other girls in the future for you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author kyoto Posted July 25, 2014 Author Share Posted July 25, 2014 Just use her for practice, honestly. Don't bring up anything else, just make it about sex and some pseudo-quality friendship/relationship time, don't think of it beyond that. This is an ideal situation for you to gain some experience and essentially play some catch-up since you've lost your virginity at 26, many women will judge you based on your performance, so make all the mistakes with a girl that doesn't really "count"...so to speak. Yeah. That's what I'm thinking. Gain experience that's what she propose as well. She finds me attractive so there's nothing wrong with Friends with Benefits. I appreciate the input. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kyoto Posted July 25, 2014 Author Share Posted July 25, 2014 I think you need to forget about this girl and just take it as a first time experience. There is no point chasing her if that's how she feels. She wont change. I am sure there will be plenty of other girls in the future for you? There's is plenty of women out there that are attracted to me. She's very sweet and genuine, that's what holding me back. I work with her, it's very difficult to forget someone when you see them constantly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kyoto Posted July 25, 2014 Author Share Posted July 25, 2014 Also just having the thought of her talking to another guy hurts. I really thought she liked me by her body language at work and how we flirt and stuff. I really thought that, that's what I went in. No one would of excepted me to be a virgin, really. I'm a good looking guy talks to everyone and friendly. She was surprise when I said that. Link to post Share on other sites
zen2475 Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 You should find a relationship with someone who really wants to be with you. As long as you participate in a FWB in hopes that it will evolve into something more, you will most likely be disappointed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 (edited) Also just having the thought of her talking to another guy hurts. I really thought she liked me by her body language at work and how we flirt and stuff. I really thought that, that's what I went in. No one would of excepted me to be a virgin, really. I'm a good looking guy talks to everyone and friendly. She was surprise when I said that. You shouldn't have told her you were a V. Just let her or any other girl assume otherwise. I know you said things were a little awkawrd, and its given since its your first time, but you could say its just been a while & you are nervous to explain that. funny you could not cum. I thought your problem might be the opposite. Hey at least you could keep going for longer so that's a definite upside. I fully agree with NIPs post. Make the most of this opportunity and what got going. Its great opportunity to get experience, and hopefully without any bf/gf obligations to be nice & keep up a appearances so to speak, she can be upfront with you on mistakes or things you might do wrong when it comes to a gf. Dont get jealous of her chatting up other guys, if she's agreed to be your fwb she likes you...well enough to put a smile on your face. Enjoy the nsa. You say you are a good looking friendly guy...so whats been going wrong for you up till now? Edited July 25, 2014 by ascendotum Link to post Share on other sites
longjohn Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 I been here done this before in my late teens/early twenties. If you go down the FWB route while you have feelings for her expect to get poked in the eye a few times and don't expect your feelings to be reciprocated. Plus she will likely date other people while she's with you. When this happens expect her to drop off the radar if she finds a bf. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 Another thing you have to consider is that you lost your virginity to this girl. Even as a guy, that connection is intense and you'll develop a strong emotional bond to her. A bond that isn't shared by her. You're going to end up getting extremely hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 Never *wait* for someone to change. Do a 180 on the girl; disappear and date others. She might be surprised what she lost when it is no longer there for her... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kyoto Posted July 25, 2014 Author Share Posted July 25, 2014 (edited) You shouldn't have told her you were a V. Just let her or any other girl assume otherwise. I know you said things were a little awkawrd, and its given since its your first time, but you could say its just been a while & you are nervous to explain that. funny you could not cum. I thought your problem might be the opposite. Hey at least you could keep going for longer so that's a definite upside. I fully agree with NIPs post. Make the most of this opportunity and what got going. Its great opportunity to get experience, and hopefully without any bf/gf obligations to be nice & keep up a appearances so to speak, she can be upfront with you on mistakes or things you might do wrong when it comes to a gf. Dont get jealous of her chatting up other guys, if she's agreed to be your fwb she likes you...well enough to put a smile on your face. Enjoy the nsa. You say you are a good looking friendly guy...so whats been going wrong for you up till now? Yeah. She finds me attractive. I was shy. I didn't develop being friendly over night. It took years. Anyway, thanks for the tip. I'll see how it goes! Edited July 25, 2014 by kyoto Link to post Share on other sites
Author kyoto Posted July 25, 2014 Author Share Posted July 25, 2014 Another thing you have to consider is that you lost your virginity to this girl. Even as a guy, that connection is intense and you'll develop a strong emotional bond to her. A bond that isn't shared by her. You're going to end up getting extremely hurt. This. I haven't been with a girl all my life. So it was a really nice experience. The last couple of days before we broke up we would just cuddle and it was cute. I think that's what holding me back. Never *wait* for someone to change. Do a 180 on the girl; disappear and date others. She might be surprised what she lost when it is no longer there for her... I wish I could just leave. I work with her. I see her all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
almond Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 I'm not exactly sure how you consider her your girlfriend? She invited you back to her place and screwed you. The next day, you professed your feelings for her, and she immediately explained that she doesn't feel the same way. At no point did she tell you she had feelings for you. Then on the fourth day...she "breaks up with you?" You weren't together. You lost your virginity to her, and you're coming on wayyyyy to strong. Cool it. You are super invested in a girl, even calling her your ex, that you were never even in a relationship with. I'd suggest cutting contact, and getting yourself to a stage where you are emotionally ready to date before diving in all gung ho and getting yourself hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kyoto Posted July 25, 2014 Author Share Posted July 25, 2014 I'm not exactly sure how you consider her your girlfriend? She invited you back to her place and screwed you. The next day, you professed your feelings for her, and she immediately explained that she doesn't feel the same way. At no point did she tell you she had feelings for you. Then on the fourth day...she "breaks up with you?" You weren't together. You lost your virginity to her, and you're coming on wayyyyy to strong. Cool it. You are super invested in a girl, even calling her your ex, that you were never even in a relationship with. I'd suggest cutting contact, and getting yourself to a stage where you are emotionally ready to date before diving in all gung ho and getting yourself hurt. She agreed she would give it a shot(being a in a relationship). Yeah, I'm coming way strong. Thinking back I noticed that. Link to post Share on other sites
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