supportlove Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 Did I do a right thing or I made a mistake? He broke up with me 3 weeks ago, due to different goals in life. Since I invested too much emotion this time, this break up was harder than any breakups I've ever had before. I am a strong woman in general. However, when my emotions got hurt, I found myself weak as hell. I had the most difficult 3 weeks of my life. I'm on straight NC. 1) to heal 2) self-respect 3) respect his deception. A slice hope that he would conquer his commitment issues and come back to me as the Mr. right one day. I'm still in love with him. NC is hard, but I'm glad that I've been doing well. I'm okay on no direct contacts, however, I cannot help to frequently check his Facebook. I miss him very much. I want to know how he's doing after we broke up. I was excited if he showed online and was upset if he'd been offline for a long time. I did none of these while we were in the relationship. Moreover, to show him that break up didn't damage me and to get him jealous, I posted couple party pictures (group photos with cute dudes in it) on my FB too. This was totally out of my way, I used to hate post anything personal on FB. I am so sick of myself. I hate to see that I'm not only become a stalker and also a desperate dumpee. To stop myself, I unfriend him tonight. I'm a bit concern now. I am not sure if I did a right thing. PPL do reconcile via FB. I never unfriend an EX before. No matter who broke up with who, at certain point, most of them sent me FB messages. I'm confused. I still hope this guy will change his mind and come back to me one day. I felt like I closed the door completely. Link to post Share on other sites
I am Bud Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 Dear supportlove Concerning the party photo on fb, that would be doing the right thing by mistake. Everything else you have done has been pretty much spot on. NC with the dumper is a very good idea because you need time in order to process what has happened, you need time to grieve and time to get back on your feet. It's virtually impossible to move on under a pretense of friendship when you have broken up with someone and for them to still be in the picture. Of course there is always that exception whereby some people can, but it's pretty rare. Everyone who gets dumped wishes that the other person reconsiders and eventually takes them back but this is no way to live your life. It's putting your destiny at the hands of another person, a destiny that would actually begin from a negative standpoint. Do what you need to do in order to get over him, even if it means unfriending him on FB. Do not fear that this will ruin your chances with him in the future because that time is not now. The now that is in front of you is a guy who has broken it off with you because of commitment issues. That guy right now is the guy you don't want in your life so go ahead and cut of all ties with him. The guy who has no commitment issues is the guy you want and if your ex happens to be him in the future then so be it, you will accept his fb friendship request then and let him in. Don't keep this door open and let in the chill wind. Close this door and go and open another one and see whose behind it. I guess what I'm alluding to is for you to roll with whats in front of you and to deal with the future as it comes along. All the best - Bud. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
katinlc Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 Yes! This is definitely a good thing. If you are still FB friends and you are seeing his posts and posting things just so he will see it, then you are not following NC. Right now, put the focus on getting yourself to a better place post breakup. (Seems impossible now, but if will happen). If he wants to come back, he will figure out a way to contact you even if you are not FB friends (but don't count on a reconciliation - focus on healing). Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 Nobody reconciles through FB. Nobody does anything worthwhile through FB except exchange pictures of their children when they are separated by distance. (I get to see pictures of my friends from college who live hundreds of miles away) NC means NC. It doesn't mean keeping a window open to peer into the other person's life. You don't need to see the new photos of your EX living life or worse getting into a new relationship. Of course I would unfriend an EX on FB. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 after reading this thread i have the unbelievable urge to check up on someone i care about just to see his face......i might do it i might not.....probably not...shuts facebook page down...the thing is it is too easy in times of missing them to just look at their picture...see their updates if they update or wonder why they arent...if their ok and it goes on.......you start to think and feel and it doesnt ever end......you need to do what is right for you now as another poster i think it was i am bud posted,maybe later it might not be this way but for now it is right for you to block and to have deleted.....deb 3 Link to post Share on other sites
FortunateSon Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 I suggest going one step further and blocking your ex on FB, this will help you healing evening more. You will not have him showing up in your feed if he is tagged by a friend and see things you really don't want to see that can hurt you. It is one of the most helpful things I did post BU. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
marcjb Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 There is no point in being "friends" with an ex and keeping the past around. It's a good way to ruin a future relationship with someone else. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
longjohn Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 I agree with the others, I'd unfriend, delete phone number and stop contact otherwise you'll be clinging on to a bit of the past. After I left my wife I immediately blocked, deleted on FB so she couldn't stalk me. Which she did for a time before I limited what could be seen by non friends or friends of friends. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 When I separated from my husband after 20 years together, we did so on good terms and vowed to remain the best of friends and have. I originally intended on keeping him on as a FB friend but as his life moved forward and things got posted, it was hard for me NOT to peruse his profile and ache. That's when I realized I could NOT remain FB friends and still move on myself. And so I deleted him. I did so only after talking with him about it first and he agreed it was difficult for him to see my postings as well knowing that life continued on without him. I think that it's important to distance yourself from you partners, especially initially in order to gain some clear perspective and give each other the room to move on without the other. IF it's meant to be that you are to reconcile, you will regardless if you're FB friends or not. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
irresolute Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 That is no nc. No contact is no stalking on facebook. Un friend him if you cannot refrain to take a peak at his profile. It'll be more difficult for you to move on while you're still stalking him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JustSomeGuyHere Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 In a moment of strength(weakness?) I deleted my ex off of Facebook. It felt childish and immature. I had never deleted an ex from social media before. She had posted up some girly poetry video that was clearly aimed at me. ("If he wants to go..let him. You are beautiful, and strange, and difficult to love." WTF are you talking about? You dumped me.) I realized that if I stayed FB friends with her, I would always be wondering what she was doing on there and not be able to keep myself from checking. I had to do it. I still checked her page for a few days, but now I'm at the point where I don't have any desire to know what she is up to. I recently found out that her and her new lesbian gf are posting pics of themselves and tagging it with the words #soulmates. That really hurt so yeah, I'd rather not being seeing all that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 Un-friending an ex is not immature, it's better for you in the long run. If he really wants to reconcile with you he will find a way to find you and all the power to him if he chooses to make it more personal than by doing it through FB. What you shouldn't do - post pics of yourself at parties, with guys, etc. with the intention of making him jealous. It can be viewed as manipulative and completely back fire on you. I had an ex do similar things to me (granted she took it a few steps further and instead of getting me closer it drove me completely away). 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author supportlove Posted July 24, 2014 Author Share Posted July 24, 2014 What you shouldn't do - post pics of yourself at parties, with guys, etc. with the intention of making him jealous. It can be viewed as manipulative and completely back fire on you. I had an ex do similar things to me (granted she took it a few steps further and instead of getting me closer it drove me completely away). Arrgg.. I regret and feel humiliated now. The picture was with bunch of ppl at work events. i should have a better self-control for not posting them. Damn. Well, block myself from his FB sounds like a right thing after I read this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author supportlove Posted July 24, 2014 Author Share Posted July 24, 2014 (edited) Dear supportlove Concerning the party photo on fb, that would be doing the right thing by mistake. Everything else you have done has been pretty much spot on. NC with the dumper is a very good idea because you need time in order to process what has happened, you need time to grieve and time to get back on your feet. It's virtually impossible to move on under a pretense of friendship when you have broken up with someone and for them to still be in the picture. Of course there is always that exception whereby some people can, but it's pretty rare. Everyone who gets dumped wishes that the other person reconsiders and eventually takes them back but this is no way to live your life. It's putting your destiny at the hands of another person, a destiny that would actually begin from a negative standpoint. Do what you need to do in order to get over him, even if it means unfriending him on FB. Do not fear that this will ruin your chances with him in the future because that time is not now. The now that is in front of you is a guy who has broken it off with you because of commitment issues. That guy right now is the guy you don't want in your life so go ahead and cut of all ties with him. The guy who has no commitment issues is the guy you want and if your ex happens to be him in the future then so be it, you will accept his fb friendship request then and let him in. Don't keep this door open and let in the chill wind. Close this door and go and open another one and see whose behind it. I guess what I'm alluding to is for you to roll with whats in front of you and to deal with the future as it comes along. All the best - Bud. Words well said! Thank you.. And, I'm not proud of my desperate posts. Cannot help it. Every time I pushed myself out and having fun. I just wanted to show him. Ya, I should unfriend him the day we broke up so that I won't make a fool of myself while I'm at an emotional unstable stage. Oh, well, I should take easy on myself. Edited July 24, 2014 by supportlove Link to post Share on other sites
Author supportlove Posted July 24, 2014 Author Share Posted July 24, 2014 (edited) Men, pay attention. This is why many women keep their exes on their FB page. Remember this the next time your new girlfriend tells you to stop being jealous over her ex boyfriends. Haha. Very funny. Man, you misunderstood me. All I said was asking your ex back on fb feels safer. It takes guts to pick up phone and call an ex. It is a big chance that he/she moved on with their lives already. Also, if it was not an ugly or heartbreaking break up by the end. ppl do stay friends on FB. Nothing to be jealous about. I bet you have an EX or two on your FB. Talking about your future new girlfriend. Trust is the foundation of a relationship. Edited July 24, 2014 by supportlove Link to post Share on other sites
marcjb Posted July 24, 2014 Share Posted July 24, 2014 Men, pay attention. This is why many women keep their exes on their FB page. Remember this the next time your new girlfriend tells you to stop being jealous over her ex boyfriends. Absolutely. It's pretty obvious. These are cake eating women that like to project blame to justify there actions, pulling the "insecure" and "jealous" cards on you all day, everyday. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author supportlove Posted July 24, 2014 Author Share Posted July 24, 2014 Jesus, you guys are angry.. LoL 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenHeartAndWings Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 I deleted my original Facebook, created a new one, deleted that, and created a new one. LOL It's difficult disappearing without a trace. The same people kept finding me. So I made a fake name. I didn't want/need any more reminders, drama, gossip. I want a fresh start. I went on a delete-a-thon for several days! I deleted my Instagram, changed ALL passwords to everything. LOL It actually feels good having more privacy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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