I'm the dumper, so I must be the bad guy.

[Mcscooter]

I left of my girlfriend of 8 months

Let me get to the info first

Both 21

She's going to college as a senior at the moment.

I'm certainly on my last year of military service.

It was a long distance relationship

 

Now the reason(s) why I left her

She brought her past to our relationship.

She explained to me how many guys she banged (a lot). She was also still friends with some. (Personal preference, but I'm not friends with people I banged.)

 

Didn't stop talking about how her last was good, but after telling her I didn't like it she stopped. She said I was the best. Honest opinion would it bother you?

 

She broke a promise, not once, but twice. Nowadays promise is just a word. I take my promises serious. Even if it's little

 

I have much more, but these are the main reasons I wanted out.

 

Now the reason why I'm posting this, but all sudden I'm the bad guy

Most of my friends and hers of course.

Bash on me why'd I break up her.

It's something I felt real uncomfortable with. I just couldn't do it anymore

 

I sometimes felt gross having sex with her just because of all those partners. I met some of them. that's even worst.

 

I understand your past is your past, but is it wrong to have it as a factor in a relationship?

 

I'm I really the bad guy?

 

I'm I wrong?

 

Was I right?

 

I needs word of enlightenment.

Edited July 23, 2014 by Mcscooter

[Sunberry]

I think the reason she told you about her past was because she felt comfortable enough to. She's, in a sense, telling you you're more meaningful. At the same time that gave her no right to start rubbing some of it in the face and that possibly have made you feel less of person instead of the opposite. You told her to stop and she continued (from what I'm hearing you say). So you broke it off.

 

Not all dumpers are bad guys, just like not all dumpees are good. You could have possibly done it because her past became overwhelming to the point where it might not manage up to the rest of the relationship.

 

You're not a bad person. You had the decency to tell her what was wrong when there was a problem. That's not bad, that's being considerate.

 

I may be wrong in some of this, but I'd love to be corrected if not.

Edited July 23, 2014 by Sunberry

[Mcscooter]

I think the reason she told you about her past was because she felt comfortable enough to. She's, in a sense, telling you you're more meaningful. At the same time that gave her no right to start rubbing some of it in the face and that possibly have made you feel less of person instead of the opposite. You told her to stop and she continued (from what I'm hearing you say). So you broke it off. .

 

Yes, but can we agree that there's a fine line between best friend and boyfriend

 

Indeed I was overwhelmed.

 

I just don't like the fact everyone in our circle telling me she deserves better and that I was wrong. That' i'm wrong to judge someones past, or she trusted me. It's really irritating.

[supportlove]

Yes, but can we agree that there's a fine line between best friend and boyfriend

 

Indeed I was overwhelmed.

 

I just don't like the fact everyone in our circle telling me she deserves better and that I was wrong. That' i'm wrong to judge someones past, or she trusted me. It's really irritating.

 

Don't value too much what others say about you. I would be annoyed if my partner kept telling me his previous sex life. It's disrespectful and creepy.

 

Try your best to protect her reputation by not explain details/reasons to them. Sooner or later they will forget about this. Believe in your decition. It's your life after all.

[Zahara]

How did she take the break-up? Did she threaten suicide?

 

Don't worry about what others have to say about it. It was your relationship and if you felt it was not something that enhanced your life, you had every right to leave. It could also be that they're reacting based on what's she's telling them.

 

Stop doubting yourself. Be committed and confident in your decision. Apart from these past partners, from your last thread, she didn't sound emotionally and mentally healthy to be in a relationship.

[marcjb]

You did the right thing. She is a cake eater. There's no way you should put up with that behavior or her projecting the blame onto you to try and justify it. Let her have her "friends". She's going to face a string of failed relationships if she keeps it up.

Edited July 23, 2014 by marcjb

[Mcscooter]

How did she take the break-up? Did she threaten suicide?

 

Thank goodness, not this time.

 

She really sucks at breaking up. She keeps on texting me. I reply in a professional manner. I keep telling her she's just hurting herself. She should just cut all ties. Hopefully she gets the idea soon.

 

She wants to hold a friendship, but being the honest man. I told her it's for her sake. It's going to hurt more now, but less later.

Instead of maintaining a friendship, where it hurts the whole time continuously.

 

She accuses me for not trying to fix this relationship and truth is. I tried, but my mind wouldn't budge. I guess it's my pride and the fact I actually do want a partner whom had self-respect.

 

So far I haven't went off on her friends, because there's no point of an argument. I don't blame them for taking her side. That's what friends do.

[d0nnivain]

I don't see where you are the bad guy. While you are off serving your country -- a noble & dangerous pursuit -- she's having a grand old time at college, throwing other guys in your face & breaking promises to you. I think you did the right thing by ending a relationship where your needs were not being met.

[Zahara]

She really sucks at breaking up. She keeps on texting me. I reply in a professional manner. I keep telling her she's just hurting herself. She should just cut all ties. Hopefully she gets the idea soon.

 

This is where you start taking the reins and ignoring all contact.

 

Responding is keeping her hope alive. When she starts to hear silence, she'll soon enough get the idea and let go. Communicating with her is only going to keep her coming back for more.

[hoping2heal]

Perhaps some of your or her friends who are bashing you for breaking up, should take your place and date her and put up with her behavior? :D:D

 

You're not the bad guy. Saying all dumpers are the bad guy is like saying all people are good or bad. Doesn't work that way. People break up for all sorts of reasons. People treat and mistreat partners to varying degrees. Every situation is as individual and unique as the two people in it. Welcome to the "real" world.

 

I commend you for not trying to be her friend and recognizing that you're only hurting her more. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. She made her choices and just because they are in the past doesn't mean every person needs to approve of them. You're not in the wrong for wanting a partner who you respect and feel has respect for themselves.

[Mcscooter]

You're not in the wrong for wanting a partner who you respect and feel has respect for themselves.

 

That's what I needed to hear. Thank you.

 

Honestly I don't feel guilty because my reasons make sense. On top of that it is better for the both of us.

 

She's that type of girl to stay in a relationship with someone abusive.

[loversquarrel]

If you've had as many or more partner's as her you really can't be judging her for her past.....that being said, she really shouldn't be bringing her past up so candidly either. So, no you shouldn't be labeled the bad guy unless you are treating her with a double standard.

[Mcscooter]

If you've had as many or more partner's as her you really can't be judging her for her past.....that being said, she really shouldn't be bringing her past up so candidly either. So, no you shouldn't be labeled the bad guy unless you are treating her with a double standard.

 

That's why I can't understand her and it damages the relationship. I haven't had as many partners as her. So I don't know what it's like to have a lot.

 

In other words. She gives me the curiosity to explore more. You can consider it GIGS, but I broke it off with her before deploying. So during deployment i'll have time to move on and so does she. No Contact is automatic since we can't talk already.

 

Now let's say if I was with or she was not as experienced, than the relationship would work out better. because were on the same level. we can easily have a more understanding of each other.

 

I just can't help the fact of feeling uncomfortable with the number of men she has been with. It's an uncontrollable feeling and I tried looking for answers. Leaving was the last thing left.

[loversquarrel]

I wouldn't label you as the bad guy or accuse you of a double standard with the scenario you presented. Many people on here confuse double standards with the feeling of wanting to have shared values with their significant other.

 

There is a reason you feel the way you do. You know she isn't the one for you, that you would be settling for someone who does not share your views, values or standards when it comes to intimacy and to some degree you know she has an unhealthy disposition.

 

You were right to walk when you did, you can not risk the distractions of an unhealthy relationship while being deployed overseas to face the possibility of armed conflict. You need the safety that your focus will provide you. Good luck on your deployment and stay safe - keep your head on a swivel and watch your 6.

[Mcscooter]

Many people on here confuse double standards with the feeling of wanting to have shared values with their significant other.

 

There is a reason you feel the way you do. You know she isn't the one for you, that you would be settling for someone who does not share your views, values or standards when it comes to intimacy and to some degree you know she has an unhealthy disposition.

 

I couldn't agree with you more.

 

I've always held my standard to have self-respect. If I didn't want to. I could easily let myself loose. I thank my mother for raising a man.

 

She always told me. Do you think girls want a dirty hunk. or a respectable man? People say have fun and be stupid. I was always told don't be too stupid and if you get in trouble. Man up and face the consequences.

 

In this case losing self-respect. There's a lot of consequences. Which leads to the only solution of "accepting" which accepting can be a very hard thing because it is the only thing you can do.

 

Example such as accepting a break-up, accepting a death, accepting terrible news. In all those situations. Very little to nothing you could do about it.

The thing is. If it can be prevented than you should probably take precautions.

 

I'm only 21 and I still have much to learn.