Everything inside me screams to break NC [updates!]

[Axel01]

Hi, I'm on NC now for about 10 days. My breakup was caused because my ex her feelings had changed. For some reason I still think we can make it work, if her feelings have changed, why can't they change back? right? I know it's unlikely but I'd rather take a small chance than no chance at all. I know I'm in my early stages of NC and that she might still miss me later on. Not talking to my ex is killing me, I want to know how she feels.. if she misses me etc. I'm scared I'll never talk to her again. We don't live close to eachother so if we don't meet I know we'll never see eachother again, and that thought makes me cry.

[scobro]

Axel....sorry for what you are going through.

 

I am going to give my 2 cents but it may hurt so buckle up.The best analogy I can give you is if you order a new food and you don't like it that much will your feelings change in a year and suddenly start loving it?

 

If she has said her feelings have changed then you have to respect that.Its good you don't live near each other less chance of seeing her and its really for the best.Do you want to be with someone who doesn't have any feelings for you or with someone who loves you?

 

What you are going through is missing the attachment to her as well as her.This will pass with no contact.

 

Sorry it sucks and will hurt but it gets better in time with NC

[Axel01]

Axel....sorry for what you are going through.

 

I am going to give my 2 cents but it may hurt so buckle up.The best analogy I can give you is if you order a new food and you don't like it that much will your feelings change in a year and suddenly start loving it?

 

If she has said her feelings have changed then you have to respect that.Its good you don't live near each other less chance of seeing her and its really for the best.Do you want to be with someone who doesn't have any feelings for you or with someone who loves you?

 

What you are going through is missing the attachment to her as well as her.This will pass with no contact.

 

Sorry it sucks and will hurt but it gets better in time with NC

 

I get what you are saying, strangly enough I do like food now I didn't like as a kid haha! But I get your point. She said she had doubts, would like to remain friends and she told me she really wanted to meet again in a few weeks. For now it doesn't look like it, she doesn't contact me or anything so I guess it is done..

[scobro]

I get what you are saying, strangly enough I do like food now I didn't like as a kid haha! But I get your point. She said she had doubts, would like to remain friends and she told me she really wanted to meet again in a few weeks. For now it doesn't look like it, she doesn't contact me or anything so I guess it is done..

 

Don't be friends way too soon you will get hurt.Its her way of not feeling so guilty just let her if she suddenly gets her feelings back she will get in touch

[BigGirlPantiesOn]

Seven Stages of Breakup How to Get Over a Break Up or Divorce | Heal a Broken Heart

 

“This can’t be happening to me!” The reality hits hard but you don’t feel much at first, just a numb disbelief. The initial state of denial is a self-preservation mechanism that kicks in to save you from the sharp sting of the pain. The shock wave is like an airbag protecting your from the hard blow of the divorce or breakup news so you don’t collapse overwhelmed under the weight of the harsh reality. This may last several days to several weeks.

[Axel01]

Don't be friends way too soon you will get hurt.Its her way of not feeling so guilty just let her if she suddenly gets her feelings back she will get in touch

 

You are right, I don't want to be friends.. ever, I just don't see the point. I know you are right with the "she'll get back when she gets her feelings back". But I'm just scared she won't. Our relationship was great, we were good friends and loved eachother to death but the last few months were just not that special anymore. I blame myself for that because I took it for granted, It's okay and I admit that I made the mistake. Too bad I didn't realize it on time. I hope she'll get back to me, but knowing her.. I don't think so.

[scobro]

You are right, I don't want to be friends.. ever, I just don't see the point. I know you are right with the "she'll get back when she gets her feelings back". But I'm just scared she won't. Our relationship was great, we were good friends and loved eachother to death but the last few months were just not that special anymore. I blame myself for that because I took it for granted, It's okay and I admit that I made the mistake. Too bad I didn't realize it on time. I hope she'll get back to me, but knowing her.. I don't think so.

 

 

well if thats the case then the best thing you can do is no contact because if she is playing the game lets see what he does when Im gone and is expecting you to go crying back to her etc etc then not contact will make her think"hey why is he no contacting me whats he doing?I need to find out....No contact is almost a mind game as well as a great way to heal

[Axel01]

well if thats the case then the best thing you can do is no contact because if she is playing the game lets see what he does when Im gone and is expecting you to go crying back to her etc etc then not contact will make her think"hey why is he no contacting me whats he doing?I need to find out....No contact is almost a mind game as well as a great way to heal

 

You are right, I do think we are both playing a game because we are both very stubborn and I already broke NC once so she probably thinks I'll do it again, or she is just done, only time can tell.

 

One question, I deleted her from Facebook, Twitter and out of my contacts but she still is in my Snapchat (if you don't know what it is it basically is an app on your cellphone wich you can send "moments (foto's)" of what you are doing to your contacts. Since I added her before I removed her from my contacts she is still in the list and I usually send my moments to everyone including my ex. Is this considered as breaking the rule?

[Moonborn]

You are right, I don't want to be friends.. ever, I just don't see the point. I know you are right with the "she'll get back when she gets her feelings back". But I'm just scared she won't. Our relationship was great, we were good friends and loved eachother to death but the last few months were just not that special anymore. I blame myself for that because I took it for granted, It's okay and I admit that I made the mistake. Too bad I didn't realize it on time. I hope she'll get back to me, but knowing her.. I don't think so.

 

It is never one sided. It is a good thing that you are able to see the mistakes you made, but don't stress too much over it. We are all human, we all make mistakes, I am pretty sure she did too.

 

For what is worth, I am at about 10 days of NC myself. My breakup happened in April, after that I made the mistake of trying to "stay friends", hoping for her to change her mind (in my case she had suggested that possibility herself during the breakup by saying "what if I change my mind in two months?", which of course made things worse for me). It didn't work, and it ended with us fighting. Now we have each other blocked on facebook, skype etc. etc. . And honestly? I feel much better now than I did before.

 

It will take some time for you to accept that she is gone for good, but once you do you will realize that she wasn't The One. She just was one of many. So hang in there, stay strong, and remember that you are not alone in this .

Edited July 12, 2014 by Moonborn

[Axel01]

It is never one sided. It is a good thing that you are able to see the mistakes you made, but don't stress too much over it. We are all human, we all make mistakes, I am pretty sure she did too.

 

For what is worth, I am at about 10 days of NC myself. My breakup happened in April, after that I made the mistake of trying to "stay friends", hoping for her to change her mind (in my case she had suggested that possibility herself during the breakup by saying "what if I change my mind in two months?", which of course made things worse for me). It didn't work, and it ended with us fighting. Now we have each other blocked on facebook, skype etc. etc. . And honestly? I feel much better now than I did before.

 

It will take some time for you to accept that she is gone for good, but once you do you will realize that she wasn't The One. She just was one of many. So hang in there, stay strong, and remember that you are not alone in this .

 

Our situations are very similiar, my ex broke up in March, and we tried just talking as we normally did but it didn't work out, we eventually started fighting too etc. She also told me she didn't know if she wanted to stay with me, i basically just waited for her to make up her mind. I think I pushed her away when she had doubts, I was clingy and needy.. atleast things can only get better from now

[organizedchaos]

You are right, I do think we are both playing a game because we are both very stubborn and I already broke NC once so she probably thinks I'll do it again, or she is just done, only time can tell.

 

One question, I deleted her from Facebook, Twitter and out of my contacts but she still is in my Snapchat (if you don't know what it is it basically is an app on your cellphone wich you can send "moments (foto's)" of what you are doing to your contacts. Since I added her before I removed her from my contacts she is still in the list and I usually send my moments to everyone including my ex. Is this considered as breaking the rule?

 

Yes. No contact at all.

[JimmyWeezy]

I'm on my 10th NC day as well.

My bf broke up with me because 'we weren't happy' (half true), because the relationship felt suffocating (because I was blocking him from doing things due to my broken trust) and because he was seeing me as a friend for a while since his feelings decreased with every discussion/argument (translation: he was always the reason and he got tired of me fathering him, since I'm the older and the mature).

HOWEVER when he broke up with me, he said I've been 'the most important person in his life' that I deserve someone better as he realized he's not the right person for me to give my love to, that he needs to figure out who he is, what he wants etc (he's 21) and that he doesn't want me to disappear.

 

Obviously my heart got shattered and I was like 'I was never a friend and I have no interest in becoming one'. Then, he goes 'I know we can't be friends but I want to end what we've been in a pacific way, on good terms'.

 

He said the same thing to a mutual friend a couple days ago, and she told him that I don't hate him but I can't be his friend as long as I love him. She told him that I'm hurting very bad and that I broke down when he said I was just a friend to him for a while. She suggested him to text me and he told her that now it's too late to come back... ?????? And that he will always love me as a friend but that's it, that he can't go back to a relationship because he couldn't make it. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? Makes no sense. He wants to be on good terms yet it's too late to "come back"? As in getting in touch? What. The. Flying. Eff.

 

I never replied when he suggested a pacific end and a meeting, I refused for him to come over and get his stuff, so I gave it to a mutual friend and went NC. I kinda regret it now. I don't know what to do. I would text him to let him know that I'm here if he really needs me for whatever reason, and that I would love for him to text me here and there.

 

I feel like if I don't make this clear I might lose him forever, but at the same time I feel like NC is the right thing since he broke my heart. I really don't know what to do. I don't wanna lose him but I can't be his friend now. I'm ok with texting sometimes, not sure if a) it's a good idea and b) what he would say.

 

Thoughts/advice?

[Elle1975]

Hi, I'm on NC now for about 10 days. My breakup was caused because my ex her feelings had changed. For some reason I still think we can make it work, if her feelings have changed, why can't they change back? right? I know it's unlikely but I'd rather take a small chance than no chance at all. I know I'm in my early stages of NC and that she might still miss me later on. Not talking to my ex is killing me, I want to know how she feels.. if she misses me etc. I'm scared I'll never talk to her again. We don't live close to eachother so if we don't meet I know we'll never see eachother again, and that thought makes me cry.

 

Tell you what, when I break up with someone, I have good reasons. The last thing I want is the guy popping into my life 10 days after the break up. If I am going to regret my decision, and it never happened to me, give me a few months to miss you.

 

A lot of people after a break up feel that the ex is still in love. The relationship can be salvaged. I am not saying this is not true, but it will ruin all your chances if you start chasing her after 10 days.

 

I'd personally would give it at least 3 months.

[scobro]

After a breakup the 1% hope you have is the main reason you can’t accept what happened and it’s the main reason you are feeling bad.Thats why its easier to get over a death than a breakup in some cases.With a death the hope is gone and its easier to begin the healing process.If there is a little splinter of hope its harder to begin the healing

[Axel01]

After a breakup the 1% hope you have is the main reason you can’t accept what happened and it’s the main reason you are feeling bad.Thats why its easier to get over a death than a breakup in some cases.With a death the hope is gone and its easier to begin the healing process.If there is a little splinter of hope its harder to begin the healing

 

Especially with some things she said. Another day passed and I get the feeling she doesn't even care anymore. It's not a good feeling, but atleast im keeping up NC

[Axel01]

I'm on my 10th NC day as well.

My bf broke up with me because 'we weren't happy' (half true), because the relationship felt suffocating (because I was blocking him from doing things due to my broken trust) and because he was seeing me as a friend for a while since his feelings decreased with every discussion/argument (translation: he was always the reason and he got tired of me fathering him, since I'm the older and the mature).

HOWEVER when he broke up with me, he said I've been 'the most important person in his life' that I deserve someone better as he realized he's not the right person for me to give my love to, that he needs to figure out who he is, what he wants etc (he's 21) and that he doesn't want me to disappear.

 

Obviously my heart got shattered and I was like 'I was never a friend and I have no interest in becoming one'. Then, he goes 'I know we can't be friends but I want to end what we've been in a pacific way, on good terms'.

 

He said the same thing to a mutual friend a couple days ago, and she told him that I don't hate him but I can't be his friend as long as I love him. She told him that I'm hurting very bad and that I broke down when he said I was just a friend to him for a while. She suggested him to text me and he told her that now it's too late to come back... ?????? And that he will always love me as a friend but that's it, that he can't go back to a relationship because he couldn't make it. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? Makes no sense. He wants to be on good terms yet it's too late to "come back"? As in getting in touch? What. The. Flying. Eff.

 

I never replied when he suggested a pacific end and a meeting, I refused for him to come over and get his stuff, so I gave it to a mutual friend and went NC. I kinda regret it now. I don't know what to do. I would text him to let him know that I'm here if he really needs me for whatever reason, and that I would love for him to text me here and there.

 

I feel like if I don't make this clear I might lose him forever, but at the same time I feel like NC is the right thing since he broke my heart. I really don't know what to do. I don't wanna lose him but I can't be his friend now. I'm ok with texting sometimes, not sure if a) it's a good idea and b) what he would say.

 

Thoughts/advice?

 

 

I know how you feel, you feel like your ex doesn't care anymore and if you won't take any action they'll soon be gone for good. I have the exact same feeling. Another day passed and I keep telling myself everyday "She won't come back, in a few months it'll be just like we never met, not thinking about her and she not thinking about me". It's hard, but I think it's better than telling myself that she might come back someday

[Jord11]

Congrats on 10 days! I'm over a year nc probably like 400 and some days I've stopped counting and you know what we haven't said a thing to each other, sometimes they don't come back, do I miss her still yes sometimes but I can handle it, I loved that girl with all my heart and she shattered it, you'll get to this point keep strong!

[Axel01]

So me and my ex broke up a while ago, in the beginning it was difficult for us both, maybe a little bit harder for me since I was the dumpee. We were best friends and she always wanted to be around me. She broke up out of the blue really. The same day that she broke up she had even told me howmutch she loves me and wants to be with me forever. The reason because she broke up was because she saw us more like a brother and sister. At the moment I have the feeling that she doesn't really care anymore, We have done NC but it only was for two weeks. There is no other guy in the picture, I have asked her that and she said there was not, she has always been really fair to me and she promised to tell me if she had found another guy (i promised to tell her when I find another girl too).

 

I would love to get her back but I'm not desperate to get her back, if another girl came in my life I would not be like "No I'm not ready to date because I'm still hurt from the breakup". I respect her opinnion for breaking up and I think I know why she got that brother and sister feeling, I started feeling comfortable and taking things for granted (big mistake).

 

So what would be best in my situation? Just forgetting about her and if she comes back she'll come back or should I just be friends with her and try to work my way up, just see where it goes (she told me she would love to be friends).

[Ordinaryday]

So me and my ex broke up a while ago, in the beginning it was difficult for us both, maybe a little bit harder for me since I was the dumpee. We were best friends and she always wanted to be around me. She broke up out of the blue really. The same day that she broke up she had even told me howmutch she loves me and wants to be with me forever. The reason because she broke up was because she saw us more like a brother and sister. At the moment I have the feeling that she doesn't really care anymore, We have done NC but it only was for two weeks. There is no other guy in the picture, I have asked her that and she said there was not, she has always been really fair to me and she promised to tell me if she had found another guy (i promised to tell her when I find another girl too).

 

I would love to get her back but I'm not desperate to get her back, if another girl came in my life I would not be like "No I'm not ready to date because I'm still hurt from the breakup". I respect her opinnion for breaking up and I think I know why she got that brother and sister feeling, I started feeling comfortable and taking things for granted (big mistake).

 

So what would be best in my situation? Just forgetting about her and if she comes back she'll come back or should I just be friends with her and try to work my way up, just see where it goes (she told me she would love to be friends).

 

being just friends never works!

 

for one, no matter how much you deny, there will always be a tiny hope that she will come back to you - and when she doesnt you will feel hurt and rejected again!

 

for two, women typically dont mean it when they say they want to stay friends ! it is just a polite way of saying "have a nice life". on the offchance a woman does mean it she means friends more in the facebook sense of the word (someone you exchange an email with once every six months) that the actual sense of friends (someone you chat to on a regular basis, hang out with and catch up with all the time, support, text regularly, etc)

 

for three, can you honestly say that if you were her friend you would be genuinely happy for her if she met a new guy and fell in love with him and told you how great he is and how she wants to marry him? would you support her in that? because that is what friends do! if you cant do that you are not ready to be friends!

 

what I would do is send a brief text saying "thanks, but being just friends isnt gonna work for me. please dont contact me unless it is about us getting back together"

 

I KNOW you dont want to do this cos you dont want to lose her but .... YOU ALREADY HAVE LOST HER! You lost her the moment she dumped you.

 

remaining in contact with her now will just give you false hope and delay your healing. I, as a general rule, refuse to associate with any girl who dumped me.

 

that includes on even the most basic level: I once had a girl who dumped me text me with a very brief and nice message and I rudely responded back that she is to never contact me again.

 

I didnt hang out with her and kiss her with the endgame of being her friend. dont fall into that trap.

[Axel01]

being just friends never works!

 

for one, no matter how much you deny, there will always be a tiny hope that she will come back to you - and when she doesnt you will feel hurt and rejected again!

 

for two, women typically dont mean it when they say they want to stay friends ! it is just a polite way of saying "have a nice life". on the offchance a woman does mean it she means friends more in the facebook sense of the word (someone you exchange an email with once every six months) that the actual sense of friends (someone you chat to on a regular basis, hang out with and catch up with all the time, support, text regularly, etc)

 

for three, can you honestly say that if you were her friend you would be genuinely happy for her if she met a new guy and fell in love with him and told you how great he is and how she wants to marry him? would you support her in that? because that is what friends do! if you cant do that you are not ready to be friends!

 

what I would do is send a brief text saying "thanks, but being just friends isnt gonna work for me. please dont contact me unless it is about us getting back together"

 

I KNOW you dont want to do this cos you dont want to lose her but .... YOU ALREADY HAVE LOST HER! You lost her the moment she dumped you.

 

remaining in contact with her now will just give you false hope and delay your healing. I, as a general rule, refuse to associate with any girl who dumped me.

 

that includes on even the most basic level: I once had a girl who dumped me text me with a very brief and nice message and I rudely responded back that she is to never contact me again.

 

I didnt hang out with her and kiss her with the endgame of being her friend. dont fall into that trap.

 

True, but if she started dating someone else I would cut off all contact, because that means it's final. For now I see it like this, she is out on the market and still available. I already attracted her once so maybe I can do it a second time.

[BC1980]

True, but if she started dating someone else I would cut off all contact, because that means it's final. For now I see it like this, she is out on the market and still available. I already attracted her once so maybe I can do it a second time.

 

It's final whether or not she finds someone else. In fact, it's more final because she would currently rather be single than be with you.

[Axel01]

I feel fine in a way and I don't really care anymore about my ex but I still want her back? I stopped crying a long time ago and since a while I stopped checking everything, when she was last seen on whatsapp (i know creepy right) and checking her Facebook etc. So I guess I'm somewhat fine but another part of me wants to contact her and see how she is going, maybe catch up and drink something. I know I shouldn't but I'm confused at the moment. I think things are going in the right direction for me but I can't tell how far I'm really over her.

[Jalo1548]

This is kind of vague. How long ago was the break-up? How long was you dating? What made you break it off?

 

If it has been sufficient time for both of you, contacting them to see how stuff is going is fine. Not trying to spark a relationship can be hard if you are not seriously over her, and can easily push her further away. If she tells you that she is seeing somebody else how will you take it? If you are going to be upset like you was at the beggining then its not worth contacting her just yet.

 

Maybe test the water with a little hey text, see how long she takes to reply and how she does. You might not even get anything in return, but you will never know if you dont ask I guess.

 

Good luck, be honest with how you feel and I have faith in you to make the right decision.

[Axel01]

We were dating for 18 months, we are both 19 and we were each others first love. She broke up with me 3 months ago and I have been on NC for about a week now, I did NC before but I wasn't fully committed like I am now. I broke off contact because I felt like I was ruining my chances and she was slowly slipping, she told me we had more like a brother sister relationship and she thought we couldn't fix our relationship. We loved each other like crazy and I was shocked she wanted to break up.

[Griesfootball]

Wow I can connect to you, 3 months since I was broken up with relationship was only 13 months but both college students. What I've learned is that if you contact them it has to be the right way. Like I went through no contact 2 times each time was 21 days. Every time I broke it it was making it worse because I was pushing at a relationship or bringing up those things they didn't want to bring up.

My advice would be to if you have contacted her recently start over do no contact for 30 days. Even if you want her back just make small talk if you decide to break contact. Like how are you doing, how's work, talk about things you can talk about but things that don't clue her into thinking you want her back. Make it short 5-10 minutes then leave her be she will get curious. She might text you or a few days later or you could then say do you want to get a drink or something. It's hard not knowing specifics like what happened in your relationship or what changed for her, but this is all you can really do. They feel suffocated if you try to force them to love you.