max374 Posted April 25, 2014 Share Posted April 25, 2014 I Thought I was the Good Guy but Screwed up Bigtime After the Breakup After going through my first breakup, which was a relatively bad breakup, I didn't entirely know how to handle it. What I needed was people to talk to and tell what happened, to kind of boost my morale. I did that but looking back on it, to a much larger extent than I should've done. I conversed with too many people about her and the bad things she had done before/after the breakup. She sent nude photos to several people, one of them being my friend, the day after the breakup. I found out a couple days after it happened and found out that my friend who received the message didn't know we had broken up yet he still didn't tell me she sent him nude photos. (Just to let you know were still in high school). I was still really shaken about the breakup and asked the kid what had happened and if they were talking before we broke up, to see if I could salvage the friendship with the kid. Well he apologized and said he had absolutely no desire to get with her. That was about two months ago. Now they're hooking up and my ex makes sure that everybody knows about it. I haven't even made eye contact with my now old friend because I was so hurt that someone who I considered my friend would do this to me. If I was in his situation I would've absolutely told the other person that his girl was sending nude photos to me if I hadn't known they had broken up. But I feel bad now and want to apologize for the way I acted when I found out. It was immature and I regret it. It's not that I want to be friends with him, because I feel like what he did was kind of scummy, but I would like to explain my position and not ask for forgiveness, but just apologize to him for what happened. I also feel awful for bad mouthing my ex to too many people. I liked her so much and was completely heartbroken when she broke up with me (side note: she broke up with me in a very public area). I'm pretty sure that people have told her what I have said and I realize that I probably shouldn't have done it. I'm over her and feel indifferent towards her but I just feel bad for the way I acted, in many regards, after the breakup. I've been NC since the breakup I'm not really sure how to handle the situation Link to post Share on other sites
David87 Posted April 25, 2014 Share Posted April 25, 2014 Never do it again. There's no need to talk 'bad' about your ex to so many people. Remember at one point in your life you loved this girl, respect her and by doing this you'll respect yourself. Let her live her life the way she wants. Continue NC, improve yourself and in a couple of months you'll be good as new . Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted April 25, 2014 Share Posted April 25, 2014 you made a mistake you shouldn't have to ask fr forgiveness anyway its normally a given when you are truly sorry and admit that when its something you have done to be sorry for....the consequences of mistakes are they hurt people often....we all hurt people......so you hurt them admit that i know i hurt you or shamed you or whatever you have done....(shows you are thinking about them ) and not just about yourself and being forgiven...say i was not right to do that to you to cause this(and then say what you think in your heart you have caused to happen loss of friendship trust whatever)....now i woudl like us to be friends again...... or ......can we move past this (more mature) and try again i understand that it may take time...to me this is higher thinking try and put yourselves in their shoes to know how it felt with what you have done..empathising.... i give you this advice as i have had to apologise for being thoughtless and many have apologised to me for very hurtful things(no details).......you know the funny thing when i tell people what i think i may have made them feel ...they normally respond with hey maybe i should lhave done this or said this...because i am sincere and it takes two to fight not one....i have done the same when someone apologises.....apologies are felt by both......especiallyif they are heartfelt..you give peace even if it isnt accepted at that moment......peace comes...apologies are gifts to give and recieve...i wish you well and good luck i really hope it works out for you....deb Link to post Share on other sites
maturityassets Posted April 25, 2014 Share Posted April 25, 2014 You're feeling guilty but only because you feel it changes your outlook from other people. I know it's not easy. I did the same mistakes but I'll say this. You have to move on, that's the only way you forgive yourself. My ex still to this day even after a year still believes i'm not the same person as I use to be. Not that I talk to her or ask people about her but that was the last thing I heard from her last summer it came to how she viewed me. But guess what? You move on and don't have to prove it to anyone. You don't have to prove you are "good". Over time everyone will see you were acting out of emotions and were hurt, no one has the real right to judge you. You're in high school still. You will see as you go throughout your life people are less judgemental of over who is "good" and who is "bad" because most people will be empathetc. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted April 25, 2014 Share Posted April 25, 2014 Personally, forgive yourself and let it go. You're young and you were angry. You didn't handle it correctly. However, neither did they. She breaks up with you and less than 24 hours later she's sending nude photo's? No mourning the loss of you or the relationship. Kinda tells you where you stood with her. And your "good friend" telling you that he would never hook up with her only to find out that he lied and has been sleeping with her. You just don't do that to your friends. Therefore, now you know he truly wasn't your friend. He put more value on a piece of ass then your friendship. So, forgive yourself and move on. No reason to apologize to people that were treating you just as badly. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted April 25, 2014 Share Posted April 25, 2014 I Thought I was the Good Guy but Screwed up Bigtime After the Breakup After going through my first breakup, which was a relatively bad breakup, I didn't entirely know how to handle it. What I needed was people to talk to and tell what happened, to kind of boost my morale. I did that but looking back on it, to a much larger extent than I should've done. I conversed with too many people about her and the bad things she had done before/after the breakup. She sent nude photos to several people, one of them being my friend, the day after the breakup. I found out a couple days after it happened and found out that my friend who received the message didn't know we had broken up yet he still didn't tell me she sent him nude photos. (Just to let you know were still in high school). I was still really shaken about the breakup and asked the kid what had happened and if they were talking before we broke up, to see if I could salvage the friendship with the kid. Well he apologized and said he had absolutely no desire to get with her. That was about two months ago. Now they're hooking up and my ex makes sure that everybody knows about it. I haven't even made eye contact with my now old friend because I was so hurt that someone who I considered my friend would do this to me. If I was in his situation I would've absolutely told the other person that his girl was sending nude photos to me if I hadn't known they had broken up. But I feel bad now and want to apologize for the way I acted when I found out. It was immature and I regret it. It's not that I want to be friends with him, because I feel like what he did was kind of scummy, but I would like to explain my position and not ask for forgiveness, but just apologize to him for what happened. I also feel awful for bad mouthing my ex to too many people. I liked her so much and was completely heartbroken when she broke up with me (side note: she broke up with me in a very public area). I'm pretty sure that people have told her what I have said and I realize that I probably shouldn't have done it. I'm over her and feel indifferent towards her but I just feel bad for the way I acted, in many regards, after the breakup. I've been NC since the breakup I'm not really sure how to handle the situation Ask him if he has a moment to talk, and apologize. That's up to him to accept or not. By apologizing sincerely, you're rinsing out all the dirt off of you. You'll feel better. You're still in high school.. Reading your post, I believe you have the foundations to become a beautiful soul. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted April 25, 2014 Share Posted April 25, 2014 No offense but while your behavior wasn't the best, hers was simpyly awful. What in the world makes girls send nude photos of themselves around? Why do some girls feel the need to sell themselves so cheaply? Be glad you're rid of her. Now she's his problem. Link to post Share on other sites
Chatmonkey Posted April 25, 2014 Share Posted April 25, 2014 She sounds like a bitch. And your friend? what an *******. Don't apologize - it will just encourage them to continue their ways. just know your mistakes and move forward. Link to post Share on other sites
Manu25 Posted April 25, 2014 Share Posted April 25, 2014 (edited) What are you apologizing for? I don't understand the people who replied that you should learn from your mistakes. You regret not having been perfect, you regret not having been an angel. They have both behaved like total a*******. It is completely normal that you felt the need to ventilate your negative and bitter feelings. They both trated you with zero respect. Don't behave like a doormat by giving them an apology. You could have limited your circle of confidence so you wouldn't have come out so negative to people. That's the thing you need to learn for yourself. But again, don't apologize. Forgive yourself and know that you are not a saint, but a good person with a human and honest although not completely diplomatic reaction to some nasty events that happened to you. They sound like they deserve each other. Good luck. Edited April 25, 2014 by Manu25 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts