Mixed signals

[Sgt. Pepper]

Two weeks ago my LDR and I had a big huge traumatic fight wherein she almost broke up with me. I convinced her to stay. But in the two weeks since I acted very guilty and smothering and it annoyed her. Now she's giving me mixed signals.

 

At times she will say she loves me and affectionate things, but it's only in text. She still calls me pet names, but when we talk on the phone or skype she is very distant, cold and casual like I'm nothing but a friend. Yet in text it's different. It's driving me crazy. I had a mini nervous breakdown yesterday.

 

Me: 'Bubsy to be honest with you I've just felt really really really stressed the last few days. I just get a lot of mixed signals coming from you ever since that fight and it's confusing and I don't know how to handle it sometimes. You get so short with me at times. I'm making mistakes even right now. I'm not being insecure or childish I just am stressed. And yet I'm sure me talking like this is pushing you away'

 

Her: 'You're not making mistakes. Stop overthinking EVERY SINGLE THING. If I'm still freaking here then I'm still with you. I would have left by now'

 

I left her alone and an hour or two later she texted me:

 

Her: 'I love you and you are doin great at work today boo. I miss you'

 

Then today, she texted me when she first woke up:

 

Her: 'I love that little letter. Hope work is going well. '

 

Then later today when she was mad at me for not doing something she asked me:

 

Me: 'You are right and it was irresponsible of me. To be fair it was 4am and I was tired. I am honestly sorry, I wasn't disrespecting you. I love you and hope you don't stay sore at me and I give you a rinkie that nothing like that will happen again and before I see your face I will pay Luke back fully. I am honestly sorry'

 

Her: 'it's ok boobear'

 

But then when we just on the phone she was very cold, distant and casual. Like a friend. She didn't say I love you at the end of the call.

 

A mutual fried said how I was freaking out and asked her what's what and she said 'I was under the impression everything is fine he just overthinks everything and if I don't reply to him in ten minutes he thinks I'm leaving him' (that is how I was acting)

 

What is going on? Is she still just mad? Is it over? Is she unsure? Is sh just trying to heeal? She has stated over and over she is not going to leave me. That our fight was very emotionally traumatizing. That she just needs time. That her feelings for me are the same as they always were. I've given her opportunities to leave and she has each time decided to stay. Does she just need space to recuperate?

 

She just called me to let me know she's going dress shopping with her mom and that she'll take a pic for me of her in anything cute.

[sooshi]

Does she need to tell you all the time that she loves you? If she doesn't say it, you get insecure and have doubts.

 

Saying things like that gets so automatic and that people say it out of habit. Maybe she just says it when she feels it in the moment. Just because she doesn't say it, doesn't mean she doesn't care about you.

 

In any case, I don't think you really listen to anyone on here when they don't tell you what you want to hear. But I need to say some things anyway. You're not fit to be in a relationship. Someone who forces themselves to not eat and to become severely dehydrated because someone might leave them is not healthy. It is also not love. It is obsession, and it's deep-seated issues with insecurity. Before you got with this girl, you were engaged to another one who PUNCHED YOU IN THE NECK and you still begged fought for her to be with you. And within two weeks of that relationship, you were talking about marriage.

 

You go way, way, WAY too fast in relationships, and you need to really contemplate why that is. You really need to develop some self-respect. WHY would you be okay with being put on "probation" by your partner? This relationship isn't going to work out. It's already suffocating, on both ends. Eventually there will be no oxygen left. I'm sad that you're "okay with the dysfunction" because it says that this is the best you've known... but trust me, Sgt. Pepper, this is not love, and is so far from it. This relationship is entirely about filling a void, one that will never be filled by another person, because it's only you who can fill it up.

 

I hope that you won't continue to make choices that continue to hurt you. I hope that someday you will be in a healthy, stable, loving relationship.