FoolHeartedMan Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 Hey Guys, Me and my ex girlfriend have been broken up for about 9 months after a 4 year relationship. I was the one who broke it off. After about 3-4 months since the breakup, I started to regret it and felt like I made a mistake. Soon enough, I found myself saying sorry to her and telling her how much I missed her and wanted her back in my life. She wasn't having it and told me she was forced to pick herself back up and move on. Eventually I kept on trying to apologize and was rather dramatic by telling her that I was very sad. She told me that she did not want to hurt me and that she has forgiven me. After that, I thought we were cool and tried to text her casually however, whenever I did, she would never text me back. She finally told me that it was time for me to move on. That was when it finally struck me that it was truly over. Since then, I have been in NC for about 3-4 months. Today, I received a package from her. What I found in it was everything that involved our memories (pictures, movie ticket stubs, brochures, letters, etc.) I was pretty devastated as it felt like she was trying to definitely let me know that I am no longer a part of her life. What's funny is that she didn't send any of the material stuff that I ever bought for her such as a ipad, purse, sunglasses, and any other material goods. She only sent all of the sentimental stuff. Although it's been very difficult, I've been doing a lot better ever since she told me to finally move on. But why did she have to suddenly send this package now after its been quite some time since I last tried to contact her? It feels like a slap in the face. I haven't tried to contact her or reach out to her in anyway. If she has truly moved on, that's fine. She could have tossed it out but why does she have to send this package to me with all of this sentimental stuff in it? Also, if she was going to send all the stuff that reminded her of me why not send all of the other things I ever bought for her as well? I am very confused and disappointed. I feel like there is a motive to what she is trying to do. Could anyone please share their insight as to what they think about this? Link to post Share on other sites
ls819 Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 How long did she keep these things before returning then to you? I think she did do it to hurt you. That doesn't make sense why she would return pictures or sentimental things between you two when it's over. She obviously had to get a box and go to post office and mail it back to you... and what did she think you're going to do with it. Yea my guess is she wanted to rub it in your face she's "over it" but if she took time to send it back to hurt you... she hasn't really moved on. If she was over being hurt herself she should have thrown it out Link to post Share on other sites
Candy_Pants Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 I did this too...when I was 19. Can't say what her motives were, but mine were to hurt his feelings and show how "mature" I was that I could give him his stuff back and be out of his life with no "issues". I returned everything though. Pink engraved iPod and all. My advice? Dump it all. If it hurts to look at it, dump it. Or store it so once you do throw it away it can be a healing thing. My ex would advise you to burn everything . Link to post Share on other sites
Poppyolive Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 what a ****ty move sending the sentimental things to you after so long. I think she did have a hard time with the breakup but grew stronger and when you returned/realized it was in fact too little too late. And this is her way of getting you back, making you hurt. Which is childish. Let it go Mr and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FoolHeartedMan Posted April 19, 2014 Author Share Posted April 19, 2014 How long did she keep these things before returning then to you? I think she did do it to hurt you. That doesn't make sense why she would return pictures or sentimental things between you two when it's over. She obviously had to get a box and go to post office and mail it back to you... and what did she think you're going to do with it. Yea my guess is she wanted to rub it in your face she's "over it" but if she took time to send it back to hurt you... she hasn't really moved on. If she was over being hurt herself she should have thrown it out I feel the same way. She could have simply just thrown the stuff out and moved on without letting me know. But by her doing this it's like shes trying to state something. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FoolHeartedMan Posted April 19, 2014 Author Share Posted April 19, 2014 I did this too...when I was 19. Can't say what her motives were, but mine were to hurt his feelings and show how "mature" I was that I could give him his stuff back and be out of his life with no "issues". I returned everything though. Pink engraved iPod and all. My advice? Dump it all. If it hurts to look at it, dump it. Or store it so once you do throw it away it can be a healing thing. My ex would advise you to burn everything . So in the end...do you think it is actually IMMATURE? Link to post Share on other sites
Candy_Pants Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 So in the end...do you think it is actually IMMATURE? It depends on her true motives. Ask yourself if it really matters either way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Justletgo Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 My ex did something similair, only she just sent me back ONE sentimental object, without a note. Whatever you do don't give her a reaction, they will probably just ignore you and it will satisfy them that it got a reaction out of you. I did this too...when I was 19. Can't say what her motives were, but mine were to hurt his feelings and show how "mature" I was that I could give him his stuff back and be out of his life with no "issues". I returned everything though. Pink engraved iPod and all. You can see that they just do it to hurt you, otherwise they would have sent a message. Completely destructive and immature behavior if you ask me. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 Maybe she were just re organizing her stuff (you do it usualy when you move out), and didnt know what to do with this stuff. She wanted to get rid of it, but felt she doesn't have the right to throw it because it belongs to you too. So why not sending it to you? Well, I read what i have just written, and i dont belive it myself. Because the right way was to ask you if you want it, and not just bluntly sending it to you which is a very rude thing to do. She obviously made a mistake. but maybe not intentionally. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FoolHeartedMan Posted April 19, 2014 Author Share Posted April 19, 2014 Maybe she were just re organizing her stuff (you do it usualy when you move out), and didnt know what to do with this stuff. She wanted to get rid of it, but felt she doesn't have the right to throw it because it belongs to you too. So why not sending it to you? Well, I read what i have just written, and i dont belive it myself. Because the right way was to ask you if you want it, and not just bluntly sending it to you which is a very rude thing to do. She obviously made a mistake. but maybe not intentionally. The thing is, it's not specifically MY stuff as in MY clothes or MY personal belongings, it's OUR past memories. It really bugs me why she did this. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 The thing is, it's not specifically MY stuff as in MY clothes or MY personal belongings, it's OUR past memories. It really bugs me why she did this. She find it hard to get over you, and she tries theatrical gestures, perhaps these gestures will help her. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 You never know people's true motives. She might have really been trying to cleanse, or she might have been being an *ss. The best course of action is to throw it all away right now. I still have some of my ex's stuff, but I wouldn't send it. We broke up a year ago, so it's best we all move on. I know I would not appreciate a package showing up at my house, so I just keep the stuff in a box in my closet. Don't look too deeply for a motive. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Salvatore85 Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 From what I see here on LS this is complicated process with many steps. A lot of dumpees don't believe they were dumped when they were indeed... dumped. It doesn't seem to matter if the dumpee and dumper no longer speak or see each other. It also doesn't seem to matter when the Dumper is dating or in a relationship with someone else. The dumpee thinks one of 2 things: 1. Its some sort "test" being conducted by the dumper. The dumpee must prove to the dumper that they do indeed love them and after passing this "test" they can be reunited once again. 2. The dumper was merely asking the dumpee for their permission / approval / authorization to dump them. A lot of dumpees require the dumper to dump them several times in a variety of ways before it starts to sink in that the dumper did indeed dump the dumpee (the first, second, third, fourth, etc. time). I haven't quite figured it out yet but that seems to be the process and steps required for someone to be officially dumped these days. He dumped her Link to post Share on other sites
Author FoolHeartedMan Posted April 19, 2014 Author Share Posted April 19, 2014 She find it hard to get over you, and she tries theatrical gestures, perhaps these gestures will help her. Why not just throw it away though? Why did she have to give it to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Salvatore85 Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 She knew you were hurting and it was very petty. She should've tossed the stuff if she wants you to move on instead of mailing it to you. It's very childish. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FoolHeartedMan Posted April 19, 2014 Author Share Posted April 19, 2014 She knew you were hurting and it was very petty. She should've tossed the stuff if she wants you to move on instead of mailing it to you. It's very childish. Therefore, I don't believe she's completely over it. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 Therefore, I don't believe she's completely over it. Of course it's childish and of course she wasn't completely over it. She sent it to you cause she wanted to burn a bridge. I guess she is struggling not to contact you, she finds it hard, and by that gesture she is pushing you away. Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 In my opinion she's trying to hurt you like you hurt her. It's childish, all she had to do was to destroy the stuff. Sure, I would love to stuff my ex in a grinder. F@*&^ Ass@*#* that he is! But truth is.. that's not what he is. That's just me hurting and getting angry. Imo there's not point in keeping this stuff. Sorry that you find yourself in the spot of the dumpee. It will get better though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FoolHeartedMan Posted April 19, 2014 Author Share Posted April 19, 2014 In my opinion she's trying to hurt you like you hurt her. It's childish, all she had to do was to destroy the stuff. Sure, I would love to stuff my ex in a grinder. F@*&^ Ass@*#* that he is! But truth is.. that's not what he is. That's just me hurting and getting angry. Imo there's not point in keeping this stuff. Sorry that you find yourself in the spot of the dumpee. It will get better though. Yeah its ironic because I was the one who actually dumped her in the first place yet I am the one who feels dumped. Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 I would give it some time. Time heals everything, hearts, and sometimes relationships, if they were significant/long enough. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 Why not just throw it away though? Why did she have to give it to me. The point is that it doesn't matter the reason. All of this analyzing is a waste of your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Salvatore85 Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 Therefore, I don't believe she's completely over it. I think she's over it in the sense of wanting to be with you but I think she wants you to hurt the way she did. It's petty and the best way to go about it is ignore it. Don't even let her know it hurt you because if you do she ends up getting what she wants. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FoolHeartedMan Posted April 20, 2014 Author Share Posted April 20, 2014 I think she's over it in the sense of wanting to be with you but I think she wants you to hurt the way she did. It's petty and the best way to go about it is ignore it. Don't even let her know it hurt you because if you do she ends up getting what she wants. Do you think there's any chance that she's trying to evoke some of our past memories and that there's a possibility that she still wants to get back together. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted April 20, 2014 Share Posted April 20, 2014 Do you think there's any chance that she's trying to evoke some of our past memories and that there's a possibility that she still wants to get back together. Yes. 50\50 cahnces. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FoolHeartedMan Posted April 21, 2014 Author Share Posted April 21, 2014 Yes. 50\50 cahnces. It's been so hard for me recently. I felt as though I was doing great by going NC for a couple months. All of a sudden, after I get this package, it's as if I'm back to square one. I feel like I want to contact her and ask her what the meaning of this is however, I think it will cause even more of a setback. I really miss her still and want to know if she's thinking the same. Link to post Share on other sites
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