Got Dumped, how do I react and get her back the right way? !

[Steve199]

just got dumped, how do I get her back?

This is my complicated story!

 

I'm 25 and met a girl who was 21 and we were in what seemed like a serious relationship for 3 months. We met online and live about 30 minutes apart. We hit it off great and both agreed that we were looking for a serious relationship and weren't trying to play games. She said that she had given up on dating before and it was like perfect how we found each other. We had literally everything in common, and she texted me all day everyday for the entire 3 months. We communicated great and could talk about everything like if the sex was good/bad, issues, goals, even our future plans together and we both said we loved each other at the 2 month mark. This girl also has personal problems with her DAD, she suffers chronic migraines, takes ambien to sleep, and Xanax for anxiety, so naturally I was a little concerned when I noticed all the meds she takes from the beginning.

 

I graduated college about 1 year ago and don't currently have a career job but I have two part time jobs and this girl was about to start a career at 21. When we first met, she was already trying to get a career...she had failed her Nursing test but was planning on taking it again, which ironically ended up being 3 months later and she passed it. Our plan was that she would pass her test get a job and i would then find a career job and we could possibly get an apartment together.

 

Everything was going great the first 2 months and we would see each other like 3 days a week, we met each other's parents(we both live at home)and we were always laughing and had sex a lot. Then the third month I started seeing her less and less because she had to study for her test that she was retaking. I only saw her twice the last 3 weeks we were together. I would always make myself available to hangout but then she would have an excuse or(legit reason) not too. The excuses would vary from a bad migraine so she couldn't do anything or she had to really study hard, or she had to work her part time job. She just seemed to not make and effort to fit me into her schedule even for a few hours. So naturally, I got disappointed and annoyed I couldn't see her, but obviously she had a lot going on.

 

So good news is she passed her test so she was happy! Everything was supposed to be good. But then she suddenly slips into a depression!! So now I can't see her because she is so depressed that she has so much going on in her life, she has to study for a new HIPPA test, get Botox for her migraines, and get a career job going. Our last week together, she stopped saying she loved me, questioned where I was heading with my career and why I wasn't trying hard enough to find a job, she got less affectionate, didn't answer some calls, but ALWAYS constantly still texted me.

 

4 days ago she dropped a text saying: we need to talk..so I had a feeling something was up, however she only talked to me about a fight between her dad her and...then she told me that she was so depressed that she didn't want to be a burden to me. I told her I was here for her and she could talk to me and I'd see her when she had time.

 

So Now I'm wondering if this depression is real or just a plot to dump me because she lost interest in me. So I specifically arranged Thursday as a movie date and she agreed to it, but then Thursday comes around and she says she has a psychiatrist appointment and we could go after possibly.. We texted in the morning like normal and she replied but then suddenly stopped responding and didn't answer my call before her appointment. Then after the appointment, I got the text can we talk again...I said ok and she called me and said:

 

She struggled in the beginning to spit out what she was going to say...but was like first I don't see where this is going....I have so much going on in my life right now I don't have time for a relationship, I'm focused on being a grown up and getting my career going. I said I could tell you've been less affectionate towards me and I understand you have so much going on. If a breakup is what you want then that's okay. I said good luck with everything and hung up. I am stunned but felt this was coming.

 

I'm wondering if she is being truthful about everything and really just needs a break to focus on her, or if she really just lost feelings/ interest in me and is disappointed I haven't got a career going.

 

I mean who strings a guy a long for 3 months between a failed and passed test, changes his wardrobe, makes future plans and just drops him when things are good.

 

What do I do? Should I just go no contact and wait for her to sort out her issues or contact her after a certain amount if time? Is this just a test to see if I'm actually going to get a career job and she's trying to light a fire under my ass? I feel like she dragged out dumping me for 4 days because she really was questioning it.

 

How do I get her back? What is the appropriate steps? Do I unfriend her on Facebook?

 

I haven't made contact since the phone call it's only been a day. (She immediately changed her FB status to single after the call) we never fought/argued and we texted literally the entire 3 months every day.

[KaliLove]

just got dumped, how do I get her back?

This is my complicated story!

 

I'm 25 and met a girl who was 21 and we were in what seemed like a serious relationship for 3 months. We met online and live about 30 minutes apart. We hit it off great and both agreed that we were looking for a serious relationship and weren't trying to play games. She said that she had given up on dating before and it was like perfect how we found each other. We had literally everything in common, and she texted me all day everyday for the entire 3 months. We communicated great and could talk about everything like if the sex was good/bad, issues, goals, even our future plans together and we both said we loved each other at the 2 month mark. This girl also has personal problems with her DAD, she suffers chronic migraines, takes ambien to sleep, and Xanax for anxiety, so naturally I was a little concerned when I noticed all the meds she takes from the beginning.

 

I graduated college about 1 year ago and don't currently have a career job but I have two part time jobs and this girl was about to start a career at 21. When we first met, she was already trying to get a career...she had failed her Nursing test but was planning on taking it again, which ironically ended up being 3 months later and she passed it. Our plan was that she would pass her test get a job and i would then find a career job and we could possibly get an apartment together.

 

Everything was going great the first 2 months and we would see each other like 3 days a week, we met each other's parents(we both live at home)and we were always laughing and had sex a lot. Then the third month I started seeing her less and less because she had to study for her test that she was retaking. I only saw her twice the last 3 weeks we were together. I would always make myself available to hangout but then she would have an excuse or(legit reason) not too. The excuses would vary from a bad migraine so she couldn't do anything or she had to really study hard, or she had to work her part time job. She just seemed to not make and effort to fit me into her schedule even for a few hours. So naturally, I got disappointed and annoyed I couldn't see her, but obviously she had a lot going on.

 

So good news is she passed her test so she was happy! Everything was supposed to be good. But then she suddenly slips into a depression!! So now I can't see her because she is so depressed that she has so much going on in her life, she has to study for a new HIPPA test, get Botox for her migraines, and get a career job going. Our last week together, she stopped saying she loved me, questioned where I was heading with my career and why I wasn't trying hard enough to find a job, she got less affectionate, didn't answer some calls, but ALWAYS constantly still texted me.

 

4 days ago she dropped a text saying: we need to talk..so I had a feeling something was up, however she only talked to me about a fight between her dad her and...then she told me that she was so depressed that she didn't want to be a burden to me. I told her I was here for her and she could talk to me and I'd see her when she had time.

 

So Now I'm wondering if this depression is real or just a plot to dump me because she lost interest in me. So I specifically arranged Thursday as a movie date and she agreed to it, but then Thursday comes around and she says she has a psychiatrist appointment and we could go after possibly.. We texted in the morning like normal and she replied but then suddenly stopped responding and didn't answer my call before her appointment. Then after the appointment, I got the text can we talk again...I said ok and she called me and said:

 

She struggled in the beginning to spit out what she was going to say...but was like first I don't see where this is going....I have so much going on in my life right now I don't have time for a relationship, I'm focused on being a grown up and getting my career going. I said I could tell you've been less affectionate towards me and I understand you have so much going on. If a breakup is what you want then that's okay. I said good luck with everything and hung up. I am stunned but felt this was coming.

 

I'm wondering if she is being truthful about everything and really just needs a break to focus on her, or if she really just lost feelings/ interest in me and is disappointed I haven't got a career going.

 

I mean who strings a guy a long for 3 months between a failed and passed test, changes his wardrobe, makes future plans and just drops him when things are good.

 

What do I do? Should I just go no contact and wait for her to sort out her issues or contact her after a certain amount if time? Is this just a test to see if I'm actually going to get a career job and she's trying to light a fire under my ass? I feel like she dragged out dumping me for 4 days because she really was questioning it.

 

How do I get her back? What is the appropriate steps? Do I unfriend her on Facebook?

 

I haven't made contact since the phone call it's only been a day. (She immediately changed her FB status to single after the call) we never fought/argued and we texted literally the entire 3 months every day.

 

You don't. You were only together for 3 months before she dumped you. She's just not that into you.

[STM206]

Yeah, 3 months is a lot different than LTR. It sucks getting rejected but be thankful you didn't invest years!

[johnson_j]

Add +10 to the year and sounds like my ex.

 

 

Anyways I doubt you did anything wrong. I also don't buy the excuse that "she's not into him". Obviously, she was. If anything, she got swept up in the honeymoon phase and then freaked out that she was getting feelings.

 

 

I'm guessing it's ex issues. Or she could have met someone else who interested her. But I highly doubt it's anything the OP did.

 

 

OP - Just go N/C on her.

[KaliLove]

Add +10 to the year and sounds like my ex.

 

 

Anyways I doubt you did anything wrong. I also don't buy the excuse that "she's not into him". Obviously, she was. If anything, she got swept up in the honeymoon phase and then freaked out that she was getting feelings.

 

 

I'm guessing it's ex issues. Or she could have met someone else who interested her. But I highly doubt it's anything the OP did.

 

 

OP - Just go N/C on her.

 

I said she's not currently into him, not that she never was. I agree, I think she enjoyed the honeymoon phase, but I think once that initial high faded (and three months is a VERY short honeymoon phase), she realized that she just didn't care enough to continue past it.

[Steve199]

I'm just confused that if she really was not interested why she continued to constantly text me ALL day and FaceTime and we always got along and had fun and laughed, it's like the initial high was still going strong until the few days before her psychiatrist appointment (she was really depressed about her life)then dumped me,does anybody thing she could just really have some issues going on that she needs to sort out right now?

[Strength in Healing]

She could have worked out her issues with you.

 

She chose not to.

 

It's that simple. Sorry brother. Lots of fish in the sea. Snag one without a ton of mental disorders next time in my opinion.

Edited April 18, 2014 by Strength in Healing

[lovelogic]

Cut contact and move on. If she wants to see you, she will make contact. It is out of your hands now, so you should assume that she doesn't want to see you again. If she reaches out, great. If not, you'll find someone else out there.

 

Three months isn't that long, especially when you are only seeing each other a few times a week. If it ended this early, it probably wouldn't have worked out in the long run anyway.

[Steve199]

So it's been 3 days and haven't heard from her, and I haven't tried to contact her. She never said she wanted to just be friends. I'm just having a hard time letting someone go that I care a lot about and I didn't really know what went wrong. I feel like if I just go no contact I'll lose her for good.

 

Is there an appropriate time to text/call her? And what could I text/call her? I feel like I should make and effort and if she's uninterested then go no contact.

Edited April 20, 2014 by Steve199

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

So it's been 3 days and haven't heard from her, and I haven't tried to contact her. She never said she wanted to just be friends. I'm just having a hard time letting someone go that I care a lot about and I didn't really know what went wrong. I feel like if I just go no contact I'll lose her for good.

 

Is there an appropriate time to text/call her? And what could I text/call her? I feel like I should make and effort and if she's uninterested then go no contact.

 

No, No, and NO.

 

She dumped you man. If you contact her now with anything, you look weak and needy. The sad thing is you already lost her. Again, she dumped you which means she was okay leaving. Think of this way, there is nothing you can do to get her back, but there are LOADS of things you can do to keep her from ever coming back. Talking to her is one one of those things. Silence is golden. If she wants to get back together, she will tell you flat out. The silence from the past three days should speak to you as well.

 

It sucks I know, but you have to let it go.

[Steve199]

If no contact is the way to go should I be deleting her from social media like Facebook/twitter?

[Survivor12]

If no contact is the way to go should I be deleting her from social media like Facebook/twitter?

 

Yes....and inform your friends that you do not want to hear anything about what's going on in her life.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

If no contact is the way to go should I be deleting her from social media like Facebook/twitter?

 

Yes, very much so. I have a STRONG feeling all you will be doing is checking them every minute of the day seeing what she is doing. Also, reading into EVERYTHING she is saying. Such as: "She wrote a status with a movie quote. Is it about me? Does she have a new guy she is talking about? Is she GOING to the movies? What is she doing right now?"....see where I'm going with this?

 

This is what she wanted. The only thing you can do is give it to her. Respect her decision. If she feels like she wants to try again, I assure you she will tell you exactly what she wants. With that said, it doesnt happen a lot. Just keep your distance and keep moving forward. Time heals wounds.

[bubbaganoosh]

Do nothing. It seems like once a week there's a thread about a nice guy who meets a girl and at the end of the thread he lists so many things wrong with her and you can see that their dysfunctional, young and still trying to find their own way and he wants to continue.

 

Three months isn't a long time and you can't be the hero with the cape and a big S on your chest.

 

My advice, try to find a girl with less problems or her problems will become yours.

 

I'm not trying to step on your toes, it's just that you need right now to get your self on a career path. Get that done so you have some security and then good hunting.

 

Having a job and a good source of income can make a world of difference.