What do you think of this situation?

[funnyman7878]

To make a really long story short... I broke up with my GF of 2+ years recently and it has been a really tough time for me.

 

Her mom and brother is a fraud and con, about 4 yrs ago they got into some scam and under duress arm-twisted my ex GF into signing a forged real estate document (she was 29 at the time). On the document my ex signed pretending to be the representative of a bank. My ex's defense is that she trusted her mom and that she mis-understood the doc as her mom had told her it was for some other purpose. Now that situation has come to roost and her mom, my ex GF and a few others are being sued for fraud. I was in complete shock when I was told this. The other party is asking upto $80k in damages and my ex GF has very little money. Although a very small possibility at this time there could also be criminal liability in all of this as my ex GF putting her signature on that doc was technically a felony (the real estate documents are filed with the county as public property records).

 

My ex GF still has a rather "too cordial" relationship with her mom that I absolutely resented. I would never ask someone to break off contact with their mom but under these circumstances given the influence I had mentioned that I am very concerned about her mom's and brothers influences and how it may affect the future as they are essentially white collar criminals in my opinion.

 

I had mentioned to her that I want to hold off on marriage and kids until this whole legal situation is resolved. However, when I mentioned this she got extremely angry with me that I was putting conditions on being with her and that I care too much about money and my liability and if I truly loved her then my commitment would be unconditional.

 

I have a squeaky clean record and am extremely nervous about any fallout from the legal aspect of this and rightfully so I don't want to accept liability for something that wasn't my fault to begin with.

 

At the same time I do love my GF as she has treated me well, is very caring and affectionate, has been loyal, is kind and compassionate and we also share a huge number of other things in common. She also has a good job, education and before this has no negative record. Prior to this incident the relationship was going good and I was looking forward to the future with her.

 

I broke it off with her because I don't want marriage until there is an understanding about what is going to happen with this lawsuit and definitely do not want to have kids if there is some kind of huge judgement against her. She on the other hand wants to marry and have kids regardless of what happens. She says the financial penalty is a sacrifice I have to make if I want to be with her. The only way she will get back together is if I commit to stay with her regardless of any outcome and will also marry soon enough and have children...again regardless of any outcome of this case. She says she can't bear losing me again as the first time we broke up she has gone through hell and back.

 

It's been 2 weeks since we broke up with no contact, on the one hand I miss her like crazy, but on the other hand what she is asking of me is incredibly difficult for me to accept and I think it's also incredibly unfair.

 

Opinions? Is this a goner or can this relationship be saved? We tried to meetup after the breakup but the same issues resurfaced and turned into an argument. Then, she said she wanted to work things out but only on her terms... and that I should change my aspect to align with what she wants. I think this is very one sided

Edited April 18, 2014 by funnyman7878

[Strength in Healing]

First off, and I hate to say this, but it's possible if she was raised by her mom and around her brother, she has some of these traits inside her...

 

But if you truly believe she doesn't, then, I would consider working it out. I am in law enforcement, I guarantee you they plead her out. And that party can ask for 80k, but likely will be settling for more like 5.

 

If you love her and she is all those things, make it work then brother. Seriously. I see your point of view and I feel you entirely, but it doesn't outweigh something so special. This is a huge obstacle, but just an obstacle nonetheless...

 

 

IT WASN'T HER FAULT!

[hoping2heal]

This is all very strange. I'm surprised by her behavior. Let's suppose she is totally innocent, okay fine enough.

 

But, it's like I can't tell if she simply doesn't ...understand? The weight of this whole thing or what. I can't imagine why someone would want to rush head first into marriage and children with something like this looming.

 

Maybe she's just in shock herself or some form of denial about the seriousness of it and that's why her behavior is so very off.

 

I don't know how she can't not be angry with her Mother though, that's..puzzling. Also, if she had a good job and was educated I mean this could be such a huge risk to her that again I don't understand the lack of wanting to distance herself (At least temporarily out of anger) from the Mother and why bring kids and marriage into this.

 

It's hard to say OP but this is just so strange.

[Survivor12]

Even if she was not aware that her involvement in the fraud was criminal, she is still guilty of extremely poor judgement. Either way, I think that it would be extremely foolish and risky to marry her regardless of the legal outcome.

 

Having said that, I don't believe that she didn't know what she was involved in. If she had truly been blindsided, she would be freaking out, not minimizing it all. Like h2h said, the fact that she is not angry at her mother for involving her is also very odd and speaks volumes.

 

You have made the right decision. Do not let her pressure or manipulate you. If she tries, it will show that she does not respect your judgment or decision and supports even more that she is a perpetrator, not a victim.

 

RUN!!!

[Million.to.1]

Full on.

 

so your (ex) GF is 33? ... I can kinda understand her pressuring you for the kids/marriage promise, but only because I am mid thirties and yet to start a family, and understand the biological clocks full on power over logic.

Not that that justifies what she is asking of you AT ALL, but she is just seeing her whole life/dreams crumbling down around her as the likelihood of her meeting someone new if you guys BU, with all this legal crap happening as well, time for dating, falling in love, getting engaged, then married and then trying to start a family? She'll be getting into her late 30's before baby number 1... that's IF she meets someone soon! Not really ideal. So she is seeing that she will never have children if she waits around for the outcome of the trial, and you might leave anyway... It's totally emotionally driven and she is acting out of fear.

 

But anyway, that aside. If she has no anger towards her mother for this, then i would seriously doubt her supposed innocence in this whole thing. If her mother tricked her, and now she is facing severe criminal charges because of it, she should be totally livered at her mother and seriously questioning the relationship!

 

This is really tough.

 

Do you believe that she is innocent? If she is, and you trust her, then you should stick by her through this. It's not her values or character that is in question if she isn't guilty ... even if she is convicted.

 

But if you think she played a bigger role than she is letting on, or trying protect the security of your relationship by not fully disclosing her involvement or knowledge of what was happening, then you are right to get out of this.