find out from kids ex has new man living in house

[John83]

Today after picking kids up from school after they spent a few days at their mothers house my son tells me that she has another man sleeping in her bedroom, a whole 1 month and 8 days after our break up (im not daft enough to believe this just came about).

 

Was getting on quite well, but this is just like being knocked for six.

 

Just a few of my feelings.

 

Feel disgusted and sick that she would allow someone staying at house when kids are around so soon.

 

Feel like an absolute mug for being there for her when she cryed, offering financial help, letting her keep every last bit of furniture we bought together, letting her keep rental income from our first home ect ect.

 

And genuinley feel heartbroken as she always left that tiny hint that maybe when she sorted her head we would maybe sort things out. Really did love her and after 7 years and 2 kids felt it was worth at least trying.

 

Also feel absolutley livid with rage.

 

Have decided kids are not going back and seeing solicitor in morning to try and get full custody, i genuinly fear for their safety as she cannot know him well enough to trust around my young kids.

 

I truly cannot get over this

[notthathard]

whoa, that was quick. Yeah they definitely had something going prior to you breaking. Things just don't move that fast unless she is that type.

 

You're still quite early in the breakup and I'd imagine that these feelings are normal so close to parting. Don't block them, acknowledge and accept them out as much as possible.

 

It's quite normal for the dumper in the back of their head to have a backup plan with the dumpee in case their life doesn't go as planned. Don't be that person who is second best.

 

Stay strong, you'll be surprised how quickly you get over someone when you focus on yourself and taking care of your kids.

[John83]

Thanks mate, i think i just need a few days to be able to think straight again. I mostly cant get over how much of a fool ive been made of by always trying to make sure she was ok despite being dumped, i literally walked with not one thing out the house that we bought together, exception being one of the tvs for my son. And offered her financial help to help with her moving, and have had our kids almost every night since breaking up so she could "sort her head" and all the time was being played for a fool.

 

It wouldnt be hard to keep her personal life seperate from kids, one minute they enjoying a wonderfull family christmas, next dad has to move out and they come stay with me and barely see their mother for over a month, and next they go to a stange house and mother makes no secret she is sharing her bed with another man. A bit much for a 4 and 6 year old to take in when they have never known any different to happy family life.

[notthathard]

Thanks mate, i think i just need a few days to be able to think straight again. I mostly cant get over how much of a fool ive been made of by always trying to make sure she was ok despite being dumped, i literally walked with not one thing out the house that we bought together, exception being one of the tvs for my son. And offered her financial help to help with her moving, and have had our kids almost every night since breaking up so she could "sort her head" and all the time was being played for a fool.

 

It wouldnt be hard to keep her personal life seperate from kids, one minute they enjoying a wonderfull family christmas, next dad has to move out and they come stay with me and barely see their mother for over a month, and next they go to a stange house and mother makes no secret she is sharing her bed with another man. A bit much for a 4 and 6 year old to take in when they have never known any different to happy family life.

 

Yeah when the dumper pulls the trigger it's really hard to comprehend in our minds whether it's real or not. The dumpee normally goes into mind shock (whether you can feel it or not) and will do anything to ensure that if there is any potential of making up or even just to take care of that person you have been with for years.

 

It doesn't take long to realize that the stuff you did you really shouldn't have as most dumpers wouldn't do it for the dumpee. They become really selfish and just want to go for what they want (someone else).

 

Don't regret what you did, if anything you brought good vibes towards you. You did a good thing even if she didn't deserve it.

 

You're right, the worst part is on the kids. At that age they can understand these things and it will remain in their subconscious minds. It's one reason I'm happy I never got any of my ex's pregnant. I'm sure it's a beautiful thing to have a child, but I want one with someone where her and I remain around until they are grown up if not until we die (with the average of 50% divorce rate here who knows ever)

[John83]

Yeah when the dumper pulls the trigger it's really hard to comprehend in our minds whether it's real or not. The dumpee normally goes into mind shock (whether you can feel it or not) and will do anything to ensure that if there is any potential of making up or even just to take care of that person you have been with for years.

 

It doesn't take long to realize that the stuff you did you really shouldn't have as most dumpers wouldn't do it for the dumpee. They become really selfish and just want to go for what they want (someone else).

 

Don't regret what you did, if anything you brought good vibes towards you. You did a good thing even if she didn't deserve it.

 

You're right, the worst part is on the kids. At that age they can understand these things and it will remain in their subconscious minds. It's one reason I'm happy I never got any of my ex's pregnant. I'm sure it's a beautiful thing to have a child, but I want one with someone where her and I remain around until they are grown up if not until we die (with the average of 50% divorce rate here who knows ever)

 

i just feel knocked back to square one, back at the contant sick feeling unable to eat when i was doing great and trying to get on with life, its heartless how she did it she could quite easilly have done it in her own time, almost feel like she wanted me to find out in this manner.

I guess we never understand but if shoe was on other foot i could never be so cruel. And had already decided long ago that i would never bring anyone else into the kids life and devote all my time to them as they have already had enough upheaval.

[John83]

Forgot to add i agree 100% about having kids with someone who you will be with at the very least till the kidsare grown if not for life. Its the correct enviroment for them to have a happy secure loving family and my biggest wish in life is that my kids could have had that and biggest regret that they had it cruelly snatched from them.

[notthathard]

i just feel knocked back to square one, back at the contant sick feeling unable to eat when i was doing great and trying to get on with life, its heartless how she did it she could quite easilly have done it in her own time, almost feel like she wanted me to find out in this manner.

I guess we never understand but if shoe was on other foot i could never be so cruel. And had already decided long ago that i would never bring anyone else into the kids life and devote all my time to them as they have already had enough upheaval.

 

Yeah dude, I had the same on the second month. Don't remember why (and dont want to) but something she did or said set me back. Appetite stopped, anxiety kicked in, couldn't sleep and had anger that I couldn't let out.

 

It felt as if the person who I thought I knew the most.. I didn't really know at all after being together for over 6 years. No doubt you feel the same.

 

The worst part is that love is blind and there are normally so many signs which we neglected to see, but they were there. Normally they become clear with time, but it changes nothing and it's best to just let it go.

 

Take care of yourself and your kids. No doubt someone special will come into your life when you least expect it.

[No Limit]

I'm so endlessly sorry for you.

 

H̶o̶p̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶d̶o̶e̶s̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶s̶o̶u̶n̶d̶ ̶t̶o̶o̶ ̶w̶e̶i̶r̶d̶ ̶b̶u̶t̶ ̶r̶i̶g̶h̶t̶ ̶n̶o̶w̶ ̶I̶ ̶f̶e̶e̶l̶ ̶l̶i̶k̶e̶ ̶s̶l̶e̶e̶p̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶o̶v̶e̶r̶ ̶a̶t̶̶

y̶o̶u̶r̶ ̶h̶o̶u̶s̶e̶ ̶o̶n̶l̶y̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶g̶e̶t̶ ̶h̶e̶r̶ ̶j̶e̶a̶l̶o̶u̶s̶.̶

 

Get the kids. And ignore her hints, she's trying to bait you.

Find a real woman.

[John83]

Yeah dude, I had the same on the second month. Don't remember why (and dont want to) but something she did or said set me back. Appetite stopped, anxiety kicked in, couldn't sleep and had anger that I couldn't let out.

 

It felt as if the person who I thought I knew the most.. I didn't really know at all after being together for over 6 years. No doubt you feel the same.

 

The worst part is that love is blind and there are normally so many signs which we neglected to see, but they were there. Normally they become clear with time, but it changes nothing and it's best to just let it go.

 

Take care of yourself and your kids. No doubt someone special will come into your life when you least expect it.

Thanks for all your great advice and kind words,i can relate to everything you have said, you describe the feelings.

 

Re. The someone special i really hope so mate, it would be nice to experience somone who gives back love equally and dosent think so little of you that she can move on at the drop of a hat.

[John83]

I'm so endlessly sorry for you.

 

H̶o̶p̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶d̶o̶e̶s̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶s̶o̶u̶n̶d̶ ̶t̶o̶o̶ ̶w̶e̶i̶r̶d̶ ̶b̶u̶t̶ ̶r̶i̶g̶h̶t̶ ̶n̶o̶w̶ ̶I̶ ̶f̶e̶e̶l̶ ̶l̶i̶k̶e̶ ̶s̶l̶e̶e̶p̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶o̶v̶e̶r̶ ̶a̶t̶̶

y̶o̶u̶r̶ ̶h̶o̶u̶s̶e̶ ̶o̶n̶l̶y̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶g̶e̶t̶ ̶h̶e̶r̶ ̶j̶e̶a̶l̶o̶u̶s̶.̶

 

Get the kids. And ignore her hints, she's trying to bait you.

Find a real woman.

 

Lol a nice idea,but she would have to care about me for to get jelous, think she has proved not only to not care but to be quite downright nasty.

 

You are 100% right i do need to move on, stillat the mourning of loss of my family stage.

1 thing that has come of this is at least i know for sure there is no going back and fixing it. What she has done truly repulses me.

[No Limit]

Lol a nice idea,but she would have to care about me for to get jelous, think she has proved not only to not care but to be quite downright nasty.

 

You are 100% right i do need to move on, stillat the mourning of loss of my family stage.

1 thing that has come of this is at least i know for sure there is no going back and fixing it. What she has done truly repulses me.

 

Don't be so sure about that. There are plenty of ex's who've become stalkers as soon as someone got into 'their territory'.

 

And you do have family, you have your kids. Mourn for your wife, she lost her family over hormones. Doesn't matter whether she sees it or not.

Plus once you're "at the bottom of the barrel" there are more opportunities for you. Like finding a partner who's really set up for family life.

[John83]

Don't be so sure about that. There are plenty of ex's who've become stalkers as soon as someone got into 'their territory'.

 

And you do have family, you have your kids. Mourn for your wife, she lost her family over hormones. Doesn't matter whether she sees it or not.

Plus once you're "at the bottom of the barrel" there are more opportunities for you. Like finding a partner who's really set up for family life.

 

 

Thank you.

You have a really great outlook.

Like you say at the bottom of the barrell at least no more can go wrong. Last painfull thing to do is pick up the last of my tools ect out the garage of the home we shared after that it can only get better.