Thought I was making progress - after seeing his new gf, Im back to square one!

[JustJulie]

It's been 2 months since I broke up with the love of my life (who I work with), after I found out he was seeing another woman. It's been 2 months of hell but I am slowly coming out of my shell and feeling better about myself and life without him.

 

Then last week we all went for drinks after work and "she" came by to pick him up afterwards. She is tall, tanned and beautiful - everything I'm not. I can't tell you how horrible I felt seeing her and him together, walking happily away as I sat there alone. He rushes off after work every day and I know it's to go home to her, while I walk back to an empty house and an empty heart.

 

Please help. I thought I was getting over it but after seeing his new woman, I can't stop imagining them together and the pain is unbearable. Has anyone been through a similiar experience, how do I deal with this??

[uriel]

Yes -- I've been through it. It /is/ awful. I'm sorry you had to experience that. Only time and your only life moving forward will remove this pain. You can dull the edge of it by doing some of the following:

 

1) avoid socializing with him at all -- even if it means avoiding the work crew's social scene altogether for awhile

 

2) ask anyone who talks to you about him to stop

 

3) look for a new job (radical, but worth considering if this hurts too much -- you say he was the love of your life)

 

4) get a makeover, start to work out, etc. so you feel like you look your best

 

5) invest time and money in what makes you genuinely happy -- not just in consuming things, but in creating life experiences and expressing yourself

 

6) remember that he may have a good looking woman to enjoy, but he doesn't have you -- you are more than a body with a certain appearance; you have a heart and mind, a particular personality, qualities, experiences, that he won't have in his life again. Maybe he doesn't value them as he should, but, if he doesn't, then he's not the right one for you. You thought and hoped he was, but you were mistaken. The real love of your life is still out there. You haven't met him yet. When you do, he will recognize all that's special in you and respond to it equally.

 

Take care.

 

-- uriel