GF of 6+ years left me for her "Just Friend"

[Knoxpwns]

So, I have been on this site for about a month, and realized that as much activity I have had on it, I never actually told what happened outside of small bits and pieces.

 

So read away, don't read away, story time. This is more for me than anyone.

 

Sorry in advance, this might be a bit of a doozy.

 

 

Back in 2007 (at this time I was 18, her 19), I just had graduated school and was pretty heavy into a game called World of Warcraft. By heavy, I'm talking up until 9am and sleep until 5pm. I was making a guild, and needed virtual signatures of 10 people to start it. One of those people was an undead mage I met in silvermoon.

 

I opened my charter for them to sign....brief pause. Honestly, I just need this scrubs' signature and they can leave the guild once it's made. I throw a bunch of crap into the trade window to spice up the deal. they sign it. (I later found the brief pause was the process of typing a "thanks but no thanks" message and my crap I traded actually worked.)

 

Either way, the guild starts getting big and everyone is talking. they are in the same zone as me an I offer to play with them. I assume its a dude. low and behold its a girl that will change my life for better and for worse. we really get to know each other through the game. the first night I stayed up until the wee hours of the day just talking. at this point I knew there was something about her.

 

Seasons change, as the weeks become the months, I decide to meet her IRL in spring break of 08 for a week. I was super nervous. I still remember going down the escalator of the airport and seeing her for the first time. she dashed up to me and gave me a jumping hug. Honestly, it was absolutely fantastic. I mustered the courage to kiss her the first night (which she practically dove on me once I went for it), that week we both explored both each other and the town. We were each other's firsts.

 

I return home. the moment I got to the airport my parents said "So, you're moving there, aren't you?" I responded the only way I could. "...yea" (with a **** eating grin on my face)

 

May 13th, 2008. A day I will never forget. It was the day this shy, introverted kid dropped everything he knew, family, friends, home, everything for the girl he loved.

 

the first few years were easily the greatest years of my entire life. we spent every waking moment together, and I never stopped being happy during this time. we shared everything in common, music, entertainment, passions, life choices.. Honestly the thing I loved is that we were like the carbon copy of each other, and we laughed and agreed on everything.

 

As time passed on, I now look back and think once the butterflies died, she thought the love had died. She didn't seem to get that love takes hard work, and that infatuation just falls in your lap. I felt her begin to distance herself from me. sex pretty much dropped off the map (I could probably count the # of times we had sex in the last 2 years on my hands).

 

She always had an excuse, and I always bought it. I loved her, and I was ready to work through anything.

 

It hit the worst point back in mid 2012. She began spending about 14-16 hours a day gaming with a guy I know online. They were "just friends". It hurt me. I began spinning out of control mentally. I would do anything to spend time with her, and she never had time for me. She was chocking it up to me being a "jealous boyfriend." Honestly, I just felt abandoned.

 

It hit a breaking point, and I drove her to her parents house (while they were gone, we intended on staying the weekend) and I then packed up and told her I was leaving her there to think about our relationship, because I wanted my girlfriend, not a roommate. she cried, confessed her undying love for me, and stopped talking to him for a year.

 

It came around again this year, and again I started to get uncomfortable. she would tell me that I "wouldn't let her have friends" (she had tons of people she talked to, this guy was the only one that bothered me). She eventually broke up with me.

 

She went home, and called me about an hour later and we met up and talked. She said she was scared that I was headed nowhere, that I was doing bad in school (dropped out of one class due to problems with the teacher, A's in most all of my classes. ????) and she said she wanted to work on it, that her parents are scaring her into leaving me.

 

She said she wishes when she would get scared, she would just talk to me instead of closing up, because I always knew what to say to make her feel safe. (why would she tell me this with whats coming?)

 

After this discussion, it all changed from bad to worse. She wouldn't even touch me. I got no hugs, no kisses (touching and closeness is really important to me in a relationship. Thats right, a guy that WANTS to cuddle and be close.) She wouldn't lie on my chest while we slept, which was probably one of the best things. It made me feel strong, like I was protecting her.

 

Even worse, she was texting people almost non stop. she always said it was her mom, it was her sister... looking back I'm pretty sure 100% of it was this guy. after our hour-long breakup, he removed me from all social media, games, everything. I realized she talked to him when she left, and it was time.

 

He was finally making his move. his power-play for my girlfriend. he had been going after her for 2 years, and he finally got his pieces in line to checkmate me.

 

I confronted her about it. she said she needed "time." time to think about herself, her direction in life, my direction in life, where we go from here. I had to spend absurd amounts of money to get a ticket home in a matter of about 3 hours (go ahead, go check prices for flights leaving 3 hours from now, 800 miles away. its not cheap.)

 

I realize now she knew her answer before I left. I got home a week later, she immediately broke up with me. queue another 1000+ for Uhaul, getting my car to my home state, moving my life back.

 

 

She left me letting me know so many things. That I was headed nowhere, that she needed to focus on her job/school (she had a minimum wage job and already had graduated a year ago with a 2 year degree in psychology. I don't know how she plans on being a psychologist when she can't even deal with her own problems, more or less someone elses'), she needed to "find herself".

 

Honestly, I realized after all this was total bull****. I was an amazing boyfriend to her. I treated her with more respect and love than I treated anyone else. I was headed great places, doing OK in school, had a nice corporate job with Best Buy.

 

When it all came down to brass tax, she gave up on me, and wanted to be with him. she fed me ANY EXCUSE POSSIBLE to just get me to leave. she berated me, made me feel bad about myself, made me feel like I was worthless and going nowhere. Just to be with another guy.

 

 

It's been a month now since that night.

The pain, unimaginable. My mind, scattered. Honestly, my feelings are never changing. It's a constant slew of missing her, loving her, hating her, wishing to be with her again, and hoping I never see her again.

 

I wish looking back, I would have just left the first time. I wish I wouldn't have let her get inside my head and try to convince me I was worthless, that I was bad. It honestly brings tears to my eyes to think this once amazing girl actually tried to get inside my head and pit me against myself.

 

 

What happens now? For her, I don't know. she is no longer a part of my life. I imagine she spends 99% of her time online, not progressing anywhere. She has her minimum wage food job, and he has his third shift minimum wage job at a shipping factory.

 

What happens to me, the kid who apparently is a failure and going nowhere? I'm landing a job making ~$125,000 a year, without a college education. hows that for going nowhere in life, bitch?

 

 

 

If I take anything from this relationship, and if I could offer anything to others, its this; Don't ever change who you are for someone else. Don't ever let someone else convince you that you aren't everything you want to be. The amount of emotional devestation from having someone mentally abuse me and try to make me think less of myself just to get what she wants is something I don't know if I can ever really forgive her for. I wouldn't do that to someone I hate, moreover someone I supposedly cared about.

 

at the end of the day, the only person you have is you. You are the only person you have to answer to, and you alone are the only one who can dictate what you become.

[Chi townD]

Dude, your story almost mirrors mine. Except for the gaming crap. The world is a more interesting place than a made up one on a video screen.

[Knoxpwns]

Dude, your story almost mirrors mine. Except for the gaming crap. The world is a more interesting place than a made up one on a video screen.

 

While I can agree that our world and our universe is infinitely interesting (I love astronomy and physics), a reality created inside that of a video game is no different than that of a movie or a novel. The only difference is that in a video game, my perspective of that reality is not dictated by that of the writer/camera.

 

If you don't like video games, that's fine. To each his own, good sir. But you will have a pretty tough time convincing me that being able to explore the reality that another human being created with the imagination this reality gifted him, isn't equally amazing. It's all once you realize that the interesting world in that game only exists because of how interesting our own world is.

[Chi townD]

I guess we have a difference of opinion. Sorry, but I would rather be out and about rather than sitting inside with a gaming controller. Now, don't get me wrong. I can enjoy a video game just as much as the next guy. As a matter of fact, I have a PS3 and the games I have are sports only ( Madden, EA NHL 2013...stuff like that).

 

You compare video games as being no different than a movie or a novel. I can agree and disagree with that statement. Most movies end in less than two hours. You're talking about gaming from morning till night. That, my friend, is excessive and not healthy. But, just my opinion.

 

Personally, I would rather go have a real adventure than a simulated one. I would rather go see the Great Barrier Reef, than a simulated reef.

[Knoxpwns]

When did this thread invite people's unwarrented, subjective opinions about video games?

 

Look, if you don't like video games that's jim ****ing dandy, but please don't hijack a thread about my relationship to make sweeping generalizations about my career or to make boldly negative judgements of me based on how I spent my free time when I was 18.

[Chi townD]

Yep! it was sweeping and subjective. But, that is only an opinion. However, you seemed to glean over that fact that I stated that your story closely mirrored my own. To which, I should say, was paying you a compliment.

[Knoxpwns]

Yep! it was sweeping and subjective. But, that is only an opinion. However, you seemed to glean over that fact that I stated that your story closely mirrored my own. To which, I should say, was paying you a compliment.

 

And I'm sorry you're dealing with the bull**** too. I have no clue what drives people to do this.

 

For the record, I'll be less likely to glean over a compliment when it's not buried in a direct assault on my hobbies and profession.

[Chi townD]

Dude, I've dealt with the bullsh*t and came out the other end a better man. Just like you. And for the record, I have nothing against video games themselves, just the AMOUNT of time that they spend playing. Just so you have an idea of what my story is and what I went through, I copied my story from someone else's thread to help them along. If you read it, you see that they are somewhat similar.

 

" I was dating this girl and I loved her to death. I even saved up for a ring and bought it. Then, one day. I caught her cheating on me. When I confronted her. She just got mad and called me a loser, that I was never going to college and I was just content with working dead end jobs. She was going with someone that had a future. Thus, I got cheated on and dumped.

 

Yep! major depression hit! I was hold up in my studio apartment and not coming out for nothing! Friends tried and failed. Until one day, a buddy of mine busted in and literally kidnapped me. It was a Friday and he dial my work number and told my boss that I was sick and he was taking me to the Doctors. Next thing I know, we're at the train station and we were on our way to St. Louis. When we arrived a couple hours later, we checked into the hotel (Sheridan I think) and we went exploring for a while. I've never been to St. Louis, so we saw the sights. Leaned up against the Arch, toured the Brewery and had a couple of beers at the end! THAT'S FRESH BEER! Then, we caught a Cardinals game (my friend loves baseball, more of a football fan myself). That night, we hit the Clubs and I even danced with a few girls!

 

That weekend away was a way for me to decompress and reset. My friend took me out of the norm and showed me that there was more to life other than my Ex. And when I got back, I was determined to PROVE MY EX WRONG! That she was wrong about me. I had okay grades in high school. They weren't bad, but definitely not good enough for Harvard. But, I did find a University that would take me on a probationary status. Well, after my first semester with a 3.82 GPA, that didn't last long. I was good to go.

 

But, after that weekend, I caught the bug to travel. I have to pick up and go every so often or else it drives me nuts! Therefore, I told you what I did in College to scratch my travel itch. Plus, I found out that I liked the challenge of school and I went through a LOT of it. After about a year or so into my mission to prove my Ex wrong. A funny thing happened. It didn't matter about her anymore. She wasn't the one writing the papers, she wasn't the one taking the tests. It was me! I was doing it. So, it became about me and my future, because she was no longer a part of it.

 

When I FINALLY finished school, I started my career and I did extremely well. With a good job I was able to save up for bigger adventures. I met my wife and she has a heart of gold and is 10x better than my Ex EVER was. And thank God she understands my need for travel. Sometimes she goes with me, sometimes she doesn't. It depends on what I'm doing. For instance, my last trip was to cycle the Camino de Santiago. So, the idea of her riding a bike through France and Spain wasn't a great idea. But, I think my next trip will be to Melborne Australia. She'll probably go with me on that.

 

So, I got my revenge! I proved my Ex wrong. But, I proved to myself that I wasn't a loser, that I could better myself for me! In a way, I would have to thank her. She's the reason my life is so great now. "

 

 

So, what happened to my Ex? She married the guy she was cheating on me with. He was going to University as well. But, he had to drop out and attended the University of I'm pregnant and you need to get a job. The last I heard is that he's an ambulance driver or something.

 

So, you see. Just like you. I took the negative and made it a positive.

Edited August 21, 2013 by Chi townD

[flitzanu]

gamer girls always want the next level 50 with purple gear.

 

seriously, i gamed as much as you, but with UO. it drove away my girl because i spent more time in a fake world than in the real world. its great to love games, but i can only tell you 16 hour a day gaming is never going to make you an ideal boyfriend. i had to break that addiction to realize it myself.

 

as for your ex, it sucks, but honestly i doubt you coulda prevented it. who's to say she didnt have countless other warlocks lined up to woo her while you were gaming with her too? WoW is as dangerous in the jealousy dept as Facebook.

[Knoxpwns]

gamer girls always want the next level 50 with purple gear.

 

seriously, i gamed as much as you, but with UO. it drove away my girl because i spent more time in a fake world than in the real world. its great to love games, but i can only tell you 16 hour a day gaming is never going to make you an ideal boyfriend. i had to break that addiction to realize it myself.

 

as for your ex, it sucks, but honestly i doubt you coulda prevented it. who's to say she didnt have countless other warlocks lined up to woo her while you were gaming with her too? WoW is as dangerous in the jealousy dept as Facebook.

 

Please note I do not game nearly as much as I did then. I have a job and ****...

 

In fact, SHE was the one gaming 16 hours a day with the other guy. She gamed heavier than I did.

[Omei]

This guys hurting and yall are just making comments on what he likes to do in his free time.

 

Take note she didn't leave him because he played she left for someone else within the SAME game, So him being addicted has nothing to do with it, who are we to say when his gaming is too much anyway we don't know his daily routine at all! His post sounds very honest in terms of just how much time he would of rather spent with her over the game.

[flitzanu]

This guys hurting and yall are just making comments on what he likes to do in his free time.

 

Take note she didn't leave him because he played she left for someone else within the SAME game, So him being addicted has nothing to do with it, who are we to say when his gaming is too much anyway we don't know his daily routine at all! His post sounds very honest in terms of just how much time he would of rather spent with her over the game.

 

 

that's not what i said, read my post again.

[Omei]

that's not what i said, read my post again.

 

Read my post I did not quote you.