he kissed me, said it was a mistake..

[chaychay]

Heres my long story short. I was with my ex for just over two years. We broke up 9 months ago. But I just couldn't stop missing him. I realised ill never love the same way again. So I got back in contact as friends. I thought having his presence in my life would make me feela little better. And allow me to get on with my life at the same time.

But one thing led to another. He had something of mine he wanted to give back so I went to see him. And I feel stupid for it. For that whole day we met up, it was like we were a couple again. He held my hand, hugged me and kissed me. At first I pulled back. But it didnt feel like it was a kiss out of lust. I felt his smile during it. He didn't try to touch me or anything. He was asking about my life and how ive been. We told each other everything that happened eversince we went our seperate ways. He didnt want me to go home. He told me to stay for ten more minutes but that eventually became hours.

 

When I left. I was so happy I hadnt been that happy in a long time. I thought we were back together. But when I came home I started thinking straight. I waited hours for him to text me then at midnight I sent him a text. Asking what we were because I was confused. Were we together or what?

He replied with im confused. It was a mistake.

 

He told me he either had to choose love or himself and he chad to choose himself. He asked me to forgive him and told me to expect nothing more than friends. He told me I could contact him if I ever needed him on his other number. He said were going to keep going round in circles. That hes finally got the ball rolling and he doesn't want to ruin it.

 

He blocked me from whatsapp and hasnt replied to my texts.

 

Im more hurt than ive ever been. I feel dumb and stupidfpr letting him kiss me and hold my hand. It felt like I gained andlost the love of my life all in one day.

I dont know what to do anymore. Im back where I started whenwe first broke up. But it hurts. Way more. How can he do that? How did he feel nothing atall. When I was walking off I looked back to see him smiling at me as he was walking off. I couldn't help but think hes still inlove with me. :/

Edited June 19, 2013 by chaychay

[hoping2heal]

Whether he is in love with you or not, or what the extent of his feelings for you are irrelevant given that he has made it clear he will not be in a relationship with you.

 

You can go back and forth in your head from day to night trying to interpret, decipher, and solve the mystery but the outcome remains the same; he doesn't want to date you again.

 

I can certainly understand why all of that would hurt so much and both open an old wound and compound the hurt. I would be feeling very angry towards him if it were me.

[chaychay]

Whether he is in love with you or not, or what the extent of his feelings for you are irrelevant given that he has made it clear he will not be in a relationship with you.

 

You can go back and forth in your head from day to night trying to interpret, decipher, and solve the mystery but the outcome remains the same; he doesn't want to date you again.

 

I can certainly understand why all of that would hurt so much and both open an old wound and compound the hurt. I would be feeling very angry towards him if it were me.

 

 

 

Iam angry. I understand he doesn't want me back I just dont understand how Iam supposed to move on again when I barely moved on the first time.

[hoping2heal]

Iam angry. I understand he doesn't want me back I just dont understand how Iam supposed to move on again when I barely moved on the first time.

 

I think the moving on part happens when we come to accept that the relationship is over and more importantly why it is over. In your original post you referred to him as the love of your life. Tell me something, do you envision the love of your life as someone who leaves you? Do you envision the love of your life as someone who did what he just did to you? Certainly, I hope you have higher expectations for the love of your life than this.

 

Take some time to think about why the two of you didn't work out in your relationship. That doesn't mean hating him or going on a smear campaign about him, but rather being subjective to the reasons why you are both culpable for the ending of your relationship. Rather than focusing on why it couldn't work or why he doesn't want to be with you, try and understand why it did not work and why it ended.

[chaychay]

I think the moving on part happens when we come to accept that the relationship is over and more importantly why it is over. In your original post you referred to him as the love of your life. Tell me something, do you envision the love of your life as someone who leaves you? Do you envision the love of your life as someone who did what he just did to you? Certainly, I hope you have higher expectations for the love of your life than this.

 

Take some time to think about why the two of you didn't work out in your relationship. That doesn't mean hating him or going on a smear campaign about him, but rather being subjective to the reasons why you are both culpable for the ending of your relationship. Rather than focusing on why it couldn't work or why he doesn't want to be with you, try and understand why it did not work and why it ended.

 

 

No Its come to the point where I just feel like it was all my fault , whenever I try thinking about why it ended all I can find myself doing is thinking about the good things. I just dont understand how one person can hurt while the others fine when they shared the same experience s together. I just feel like he led me on, everything reminds me of the good memories.

[hoping2heal]

No Its come to the point where I just feel like it was all my fault.

 

Okay, so let's talk about that. List the reasons you broke up and how they are your fault and/or things you feel are your fault?

[Leigh 87]

Feelings change. It sounds like he once had strong feelings for you, but does not want to be with you. It would have been hard for him to break out of your usual habits (hugging, kissing and etc)

 

It does not mean he is in love with you, or that he wants to be with you in a relationship.

 

A lot of times, men who leave tend to be upset about it, and therefore they may cling on a bit too hard initially. Not because they are in love with you and want to be WITH you; it is just hard for them to move on from a girl they have been very close to.

 

I know it sucks.

 

I have been in your position. My ex even had sex with me twice after, held my hand, wanted to hang out without sex at all, told me he had never met anyone like me and he wanted to get back together with me in the future.

 

It does not mean anything. It is hard to see at he time; they seem into you still, so wtf are they doing?

 

It just means they miss you and it is hard for them to just let go of a woman they were once close to.

 

I wish you luck, I hope you just accept that time will heal you, and only No Contact will give you the closure that you need (While allowing you to move on and not interfere with him again and possibly hurting yourself)

[chaychay]

Okay, so let's talk about that. List the reasons you broke up and how they are your fault and/or things you feel are your fault?

 

Him cheating on me makes me feel like I wasnt good enough. And before we broke up it was almost as if he didnt want to talk to me. Said he was busy all the time.

[chaychay]

Feelings change. It sounds like he once had strong feelings for you, but does not want to be with you. It would have been hard for him to break out of your usual habits (hugging, kissing and etc)

 

It does not mean he is in love with you, or that he wants to be with you in a relationship.

 

A lot of times, men who leave tend to be upset about it, and therefore they may cling on a bit too hard initially. Not because they are in love with you and want to be WITH you; it is just hard for them to move on from a girl they have been very close to.

 

I know it sucks.

 

I have been in your position. My ex even had sex with me twice after, held my hand, wanted to hang out without sex at all, told me he had never met anyone like me and he wanted to get back together with me in the future.

 

It does not mean anything. It is hard to see at he time; they seem into you still, so wtf are they doing?

 

It just means they miss you and it is hard for them to just let go of a woman they were once close to.

 

I wish you luck, I hope you just accept that time will heal you, and only No Contact will give you the closure that you need (While allowing you to move on and not interfere with him again and possibly hurting yourself)

 

Thanks. I know it does. Hurts

[hoping2heal]

Him cheating on me makes me feel like I wasnt good enough. And before we broke up it was almost as if he didnt want to talk to me. Said he was busy all the time.

 

If you're going to take to that line of thinking, better go back to the womb. Time to start blaming your parents for creating you on the night they did, and then perhaps start picking apart each and every one of your individual experiences that you had in a lifetime which contributed to the person you are today. It's what is necessary in order to blame yourself for not being a different you. Wait..that sounds kind of silly doesn't it?

 

He could have chose to end his relationship with you but instead he didn't, he chose to cheat on you. How is that your fault? Oh, because you're not good enough? What on earth about you makes it so that he doesn't have to do the right thing? I'll answer that for you : nothing. He was unfaithful and that was his own doing. It wasn't about you. It was about him wanting what he wanted and when he wanted it, with little to no consideration for you.

 

You can point all of the fingers at yourself and find someone to blame but it wouldn't be the right person. You are not at fault for this guy's despicable actions.

[chaychay]

If you're going to take to that line of thinking, better go back to the womb. Time to start blaming your parents for creating you on the night they did, and then perhaps start picking apart each and every one of your individual experiences that you had in a lifetime which contributed to the person you are today. It's what is necessary in order to blame yourself for not being a different you. Wait..that sounds kind of silly doesn't it?

 

He could have chose to end his relationship with you but instead he didn't, he chose to cheat on you. How is that your fault? Oh, because you're not good enough? What on earth about you makes it so that he doesn't have to do the right thing? I'll answer that for you : nothing. He was unfaithful and that was his own doing. It wasn't about you. It was about him wanting what he wanted and when he wanted it, with little to no consideration for you.

 

You can point all of the fingers at yourself and find someone to blame but it wouldn't be the right person. You are not at fault for this guy's despicable actions.

 

Yeah I guess I understand what youre trying to say,