grace777 Posted May 18, 2013 Share Posted May 18, 2013 My ex and I have been broken up for 7 months. We were together for over 3 years and friends for years before that. She's in a new relationship now too (the person she left me for), and has been since about a week after we split. It was a devastating process, but I'm moved on. We haven't done hard core NC, but I did block her from my life for a couple of months right after the bu. Since then, we've been in LC. We talk periodically, and have seen each other a handful of times, and lately, we've been friends. At least as much as we can be. There's a whole saga (of course) that's taken place throughout this process. But now, we're friends and are in contact once every 2-3 weeks mostly. Every time we have any sort of contact, though, it seems like she immediately posts something on social media about how she and her new lover are so committed, great and happy. At first I thought this was a coincidence, but it literally happens EVERY time we talk/text/see each other. I'm not exaggerating. Literally every time. Why? It just happened again and that's the reason for this post. Why do you guys think she does this. It doesn't bother me per se, but I'd be lying to tell you it doesn't get under my skin. Just when I feel like, cool, we'll actually be able to be friends, she goes and posts something on social media confirming her undeniable love for the new person in her life. I mean, what's the point? Thoughts? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BustedUpInside Posted May 18, 2013 Share Posted May 18, 2013 This is just me guessing, but she probably still has at least a little bit of residual feelings left for you. When you hang out or speak it reminds her that she no longer gets to be in a relationship with you. This is not to say that she thinks being with you again is a good idea, but it might still sting a little bit that you are no longer together. So, she reminds herself and the world that she has moved on and is happy. If she never seemed like a vindictive person, then she most likely isn't doing this to hurt you, but merely as a coping mechanism for herself. I wouldn't bring it up if I was you, it might come off as kind of weird considering that you are supposed to just be friends. I understand the impulse though. It would definitely get under my skin too if I was in your shoes. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CorridorE Posted May 18, 2013 Share Posted May 18, 2013 Since you say you've moved on I wouldn't even concern yourself with it. But off the top of my head a few scenarios come to mind. If she knows you see her social media posts maybe it's because she wants to make sure she's not leading you on, but doesn't want to actually bring it up to you because then things could get akward? I don't know. Maybe her new boyfriend doesn't like that she talks to you and so when she does, she does something for him publically to show it's nothing serious. Maybe if you two hang out sometimes in public, she wants to let everyone know she loves her bf and you're just casual friends now in case someone saw you too together. Or she could be in denial about her own feelings and is trying to prove something to herself. She could start missing you after you talk and posts things like that to try and push those thoughts away and remind herself that she's happy. Whatever it really is, try not to let it get to you. It could also just be a coincidence. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted May 18, 2013 Share Posted May 18, 2013 My ex and I have been broken up for 7 months. We were together for over 3 years and friends for years before that. She's in a new relationship now too (the person she left me for), and has been since about a week after we split. It was a devastating process, but I'm moved on. We haven't done hard core NC, but I did block her from my life for a couple of months right after the bu. Since then, we've been in LC. We talk periodically, and have seen each other a handful of times, and lately, we've been friends. At least as much as we can be. There's a whole saga (of course) that's taken place throughout this process. But now, we're friends and are in contact once every 2-3 weeks mostly. Every time we have any sort of contact, though, it seems like she immediately posts something on social media about how she and her new lover are so committed, great and happy. At first I thought this was a coincidence, but it literally happens EVERY time we talk/text/see each other. I'm not exaggerating. Literally every time. Why? It just happened again and that's the reason for this post. Why do you guys think she does this. It doesn't bother me per se, but I'd be lying to tell you it doesn't get under my skin. Just when I feel like, cool, we'll actually be able to be friends, she goes and posts something on social media confirming her undeniable love for the new person in her life. I mean, what's the point? Thoughts? do you think she knows how much time you spend stalking her posts and that you aren't really "friends" if things like this are bothering you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author grace777 Posted May 18, 2013 Author Share Posted May 18, 2013 Flitzanu, it's a shame we can't all be as level-headed as you. I'm not "stalking" it shows up in my normal feed. Thanks for the unhelpful post though. Link to post Share on other sites
Ale khun Posted May 18, 2013 Share Posted May 18, 2013 grace777 IMO you should not care , maybe she does that just to let you know that she is really happy and in love with this guy (as a woman i can tell you that sometimes we act really childish) dont let this bother you specially if she has already moved on , next time you talk to her dont go to FB you know that she is going to post something super special about her relationship just dont play her game 1 Link to post Share on other sites
rainmayker Posted May 19, 2013 Share Posted May 19, 2013 My ex does the same exact thing. Literally every time we talk, she messages him on FB or something. It used to bother me, but now I don't even see why she has to do that. The other posters are probably right, she may be coping with still having feelings for me. I think this is also because she knows that she's "downgrading" from me to him. Also, she checks up on me through my FB, Skype, and video games that we used to play together. I don't think she's happy that I am happier without her now. I also figured out that she wanted to keep me around as backup in case her new rebound didn't work out. I'm just really indifferent to her games right now, mostly because I have many cute girls chasing me anyhow - younger, cuter girls, at that, with better personalities. Anyhow. Just let it be. She's regretting leaving you and that's how she copes with it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author grace777 Posted May 19, 2013 Author Share Posted May 19, 2013 Thanks for the insight everyone. I tend to agree and think it's one of three things - one, she's trying to prove to me that she's over me (because in actuality, she's not). Two, she's wanting to ensure that I don't misunderstand our conversations as her wanting to get back together. Or three, that she is proving to her new gf that our friendship is not a threat to their current relationship. It all seems so stupid to me though. And yes, I know it could be coincidence, but coincidences don't happen this frequently. Regardless, I'm trying not to think too much about it. Thanks for your feedback though. I'm happy that she's found what I couldn't give her. It is just shocking to me, seven months later, how many layers there still are in this past relationship/current breakup situation. One day, I really hope that we stabilize and can be friends without any games. Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted May 19, 2013 Share Posted May 19, 2013 People, especially GIRLS who do this, are generally losers who are not happy enough with their OWN lives, hence why they feel the need to tell everyone about how happy they are. Truly happy people do not need to go around telling everyone how in love they are. I have only met ONE happy couple, where they posted about their love on facebook, and they were genuinely madly in love and happy people. Most people who gush about their relationship are just losers in my opinion sorry! The fact she does it every time she talks to you could either me a thing she is conscious of, or a thing she just does because you make her feel so happy with her new boyfriend. She is either trying to show off the fact she is happier with her new guy to make you feel jealous, or bad about the way you treated her, or she does not care if you see it and TALKING to you just.. made he realise how happy she is with him. Either way, WHY do you have her on facebook!? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author grace777 Posted May 19, 2013 Author Share Posted May 19, 2013 She is either trying to show off the fact she is happier with her new guy to make you feel jealous, or bad about the way you treated her, or she does not care if you see it and TALKING to you just.. made he realise how happy she is with him. Either way, WHY do you have her on facebook!? Hahha, good question. Well, we are friends in real life, and there doesn't seem to be a need to delete her. The news that she's with someone else is not new news. It's just strange to me that she posts these updates right after we communicate. And I should add, she really only posts any updates at all after we communicate. Plus it's not just facebook, there are a few other sites as well. I don't think it would be about how I treated her. I was great to her and she has made it clear that I was a great gf to her (we're both women). She was in love with me and we had a great time together. The circumstances to our breakup aren't because of lack of love or mistreatment at all. It mostly had to do with us being at different stages in our lives, a large age gap, and geographical distance that happened during the last year of our RS. If it's the jealously thing, that doesn't make sense to me either. She's the one that ended it. Why would she want me to be jealous? Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted May 19, 2013 Share Posted May 19, 2013 Well it is just my opinion, but I think when people need to talk about how happy they are with their new partner, it means: - they may just be really happy with their partner and want to show it off. Nothing wrong with that - they need to over compensate and convince themselves of something that they are not entirely convinced of! - they are making their ex jealous because they still have feelings for them and may want them back (but do not have the balls or strength of character to just TELL their ex how they feel, and would rather pretend to be happy in their new relationship) Whatever the reason, do you still have feelings for her? I would be gutted if my ex wrote that crap about a new partner on facebook! Even months after the break up I would not be able to handle it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author grace777 Posted May 19, 2013 Author Share Posted May 19, 2013 Whatever the reason, do you still have feelings for her? I would be gutted if my ex wrote that crap about a new partner on facebook! Even months after the break up I would not be able to handle it. Do I still have feelings for her? Yes. I think I always will. I've come to just accept this as a fact. I'll always love her and have piece of my heart for her. However, I have moved on. I'm talking to someone new now too and I've gotten through the breakup. And I am sincerely happy for her that she found someone who can give her what I couldn't (a relationship that's both publicly open and in the same city). For this time in our lives, it's best that we're friends. I don't feel gutted when I see these posts. I did feel that way during the first few months of the breakup, but not now. I am just really confused as to why she continues to do it. Like I said earlier, yes, it bothers me. However, it doesn't upset me or devastate me anymore. I want her to be happy. It's just weird that she only posts her happiness to the world right after we communicate. Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted May 19, 2013 Share Posted May 19, 2013 It is weird that she does that with her posts just after she talks to you each time. What I want to know is, HOW did you manage to have her on fb during the first couple of months, when you knew she was with another guy, who she posted about? Seriously. That would have killed me to know my ex was, well.. already with someone else. Do you think it would have hurt you less if you just blocked her facebook and had no idea what she was saying and doing? Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted May 19, 2013 Share Posted May 19, 2013 Why dont you just ask her? Tell her what you have obseved have a laugh about it and find out whats up. I mean you are "sorta" friends or at least friendly. Lol Cav Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 Flitzanu, it's a shame we can't all be as level-headed as you. I'm not "stalking" it shows up in my normal feed. Thanks for the unhelpful post though. i know. people wouldn't be asking these questions if they were as level headed. you're playing into drama by even being friends with your ex on facebook. block them and your problems will be solved. otherwise, you're going to have to ask your ex why they are doing it, because no one else can answer that except her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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