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Blindsided not once but twice


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 17th May 2013, 7:13 PM   #1
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Blindsided not once but twice

I been lurking for about a week. This site has helped me alot and here is my story and I need criticism and advice. This is my therapy letting it out and writing it down. Im going to lay it out, may make me look bad but i have to put it on the table to get some kind of feedback.

I been in a relationship with the same girl for 3 months shy of 3 years. Little background on how we started. I was her manager and she was the employee. She asked for my number and me i gave it to her. While we was talking she had a boyfriend that she lived with and said they havent been talking or they havent had sex in 3 months, because she thinks he is cheating on her. He always smokes blunts and get angry when she doesnt have sex with him. She would send me photos of her nude.

First time she came over we had sex, no dates, no cuddling just sex. One week later she moved in. I told her she can stay bill free for a few months until she got on her feet, bought her a car, clothes, jewelry to make her feel like a lady.

We went camping, shooting, we met each other parents. I called her dad pops and she and my mom were best friends. I come home from work from working 3rd shift and she would have breakfast ready for me when i came in, she would tell me she loved me then goto work.

I was there when she was sick. I helped her find her long lost mother because she always had a issue with starting a family with no answers from the past. Anything she needed she got no questions asked. We cuddled, went to the movies regular, hung out everyday.

Life was perfect for a year and 9 months then she had a family reunion i did not attend. I noticed on facebook that she added 2 guys that use to work with and she started communicating with them. We had a discussion not a argument i dont believe in yelling or cursing in anger. I told her actions does not make me happy. I goto work and she sends me a text message saying im done, im moving out. She packed and moved out in less then one shift at work.
I was a wreck, crying, begging pleading. Told me to stop texting her, she never wants to see me again and she would be happier if had a family somewhere else. All the stuff i wish i didnt do but did. It did not work. UNTIL i told her im not going to be 2nd place in her life to anyone i am to important and theres always a woman that needs a good man. She came back 2 days later.
Life was better then ever, I was hanging out with her extended family even more, now she is talking about marriage, and her father keeps asking about kids. She was getting ready to go to community college and i was thinking about finding a second job to help with books etc.
Me and one of her cousins that is single and living in goverment housing got into a big arguement. I got into a accident it was my fault. The cousin makes the joke that if she didnt like us she would get a lawyer to get money. She tells my ex girl she was busy all week, im on the phone with a lawyer and he gets a fax from her cousin. WE BOTH felt betrayed.

My girl has no friends, all my female friends that i attempted to hook her up with failed. So im thinking this ties in with her cousin, with this statement. "Its going to be a hot summer and im not going to be sitting around the house with no friends". She said it like it was my fault! Her SINGLE cousins go clubbing every weekend and sorry to say they are hoodrats. Here is the 2nd statement about cousin. "she is my family i forgive her" I give respect so i would like it in return im still in court over the issue and she acts like our financial security is not at risk? Everyone knows the girl is faking, she walks 2 miles to the doctor because her foot is bad what a joke.

She send me a text 3 days ago saying she not ready for kids until she makes things right with her mother, and i dont know what it feels to be in foster homes. I said i know where this is going I rather talk about it like adults in person. She still wanted to pursue over text and 6 texts later she wanted to be co habitat in the same apartment for 7 months until the lease is up.

Confused and no one to talk to i went and did a google search on "live in girlfriends breaks up and still wants to live together" and this site pops up. The researching came to the conclusion that living together would be to tough and no contact is necessary. At this point i still did not tell her NO.

So now she is home headset in her ear ignoring me. I asked what has changed to break us up? We just told each other we love each other. She as cold as ice told me, im not feeling you anymore. I said feeling me? Im no longer attracted to you anymore. We can ride this lease out, I can cook for you, wash your clothes but as far as being intimate that is out the door. HOLY CRAP, i never heard someone say something to another human like that EVER.

I said fine but im giving you 30 days to leave, and my cars are not to leave unless your going to work(her car is broke). Your brother can stay until your father(he is a excon and keeps losing his arented houses) gets back on his feet. She goes outside comes back and said she will be gone by the morning she moving in with the cousin that BETRAYED US.

That night was the worst. We slept in the same bed, she let me pour my heart out i look under the cover and she is playing a computer game on her tablet i bought for vday.

Its been 3 days and the only contact i had was to drop off the money for a bill she pays and give her a blanket. I did write a long letter about me moving on and i have a silver dollar with the quote at the end of the letter. "all the silver and gold does not equal a happy a life". She made the statement that she wish i would let her use one of my cars cause she is tired of asking for rides, and ignored it.

Im hurt but not crying and bailing like i was before. I guess i got to get use to doing things alone and for myself which is the hardest thing to adjust too. My body even feels different my libido is zero.

My head just cant get around to certain questions. My barber is about to lose a 11 year relationship with 3 kids cause his wife wants to go clubbing, really!

My ex girl, deleted me off her friends list and put a picture of her in a club from years back.

What is it about women and clubbing? Is clubbing some kind of why to get unconnected sex? If so why didnt she ask me about a break or open relationship? I would have said no but isnt that the more logical approach?

Why run from a person you said u love but not attracted to, to go live in run down housing with a bunch of kids? People change, i dont expect to date a model and she be a model for the rest of her life.

Why delete from facebook only to ask me to use my car? I blocked her but screwed up and unblocked her to send her a positive message.
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Old 17th May 2013, 7:36 PM   #2
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Why do you like this girl?
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Old 17th May 2013, 7:42 PM   #3
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Because deep down i know she cares about me. She said she does things like cook for me before i walk thru the door and looks forward to the calls while im at work before she gotos bed because she loves me. When the relationship is good it greats. We took family photos of me and her, goto the zoo etc. The good and the bad seemed to be in balance.
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Old 17th May 2013, 7:53 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by s.a.i.n.t. View Post
Because deep down i know she cares about me. She said she does things like cook for me before i walk thru the door and looks forward to the calls while im at work before she gotos bed because she loves me. When the relationship is good it greats. We took family photos of me and her, goto the zoo etc. The good and the bad seemed to be in balance.
All well and good, but still doesn't answer my question.

Can I be honest? It sounds like you provided the world to her, and she didn't appreciate you as much as you would like to have her in your life. She's all about herself, not the relationship.

A very hard lesson I learned in a previous relationship was to not take care of their every need, whim, etc. When you give them everything, they just keep taking.

Then you're left empty when they move on to the next schmuck.

Remove her from your life. And proceed cautiously in your next relationship.
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Old 17th May 2013, 8:01 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by s.a.i.n.t. View Post
Because deep down i know she cares about me. She said she does things like cook for me before i walk thru the door and looks forward to the calls while im at work before she gotos bed because she loves me. When the relationship is good it greats. We took family photos of me and her, goto the zoo etc. The good and the bad seemed to be in balance.
the good and the bad are not in balance at all, she has been cold and distant, and you have been supportive and loving, she doesnt care about you, many of the things you have stated in your above post point to that fact.



i have my ex living at my house sleeping on my couch, he has trouble maintaining accomodation as he has major issues.....it was only ever temporary till he got on his feet.....it never works out that way, i have real problems kicking people out onto the streets......i just cant do it...it isnt in me...i will probably be the one who moves out....soon hopefully.....to a farm ......ill let him keep this place......



it isnt right how she has treated you, she is not invested and sounds immature...that is....the clubbing and partying, not sitting at home friendless.......the relationship with her cousin, all a bit juvenile......cooking and cleaning for someone isnt showing love in every circumstance...its just something you do......to show appreciation, and she should be showing you appreciation you helped her out when she needed it.....



in a lot of ways...she sounds selfish.......and unappreciative......i dont feel any warmth in your words about her, because she isnt showing warmth towards you.......can you honestly imagine living a decade with this........or two or three.......to me, that would be a shame...a shame for you......the hurt you feel....will not end until she is out of your life......i wish you well...you deserve happiness.....i dont think you will find it with this woman......deb
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Old 25th May 2013, 9:10 AM   #6
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I can attest to not breaking NC. 1st text message tells me life is perfect, so much better cause she dont have to cook and clean. 2nd text 2 days later she tells me she going to black bike fest in myrtle beach. Now i cant stop thinking about all the ratchetness that goes on down there. If i would have just left it alone i would have never known where she was going.
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