Ex is miserable

[Jeremyh55]

Hey everyone! So heres my story. My girlfriend Catherine broke up with me 2 months ago, it totally broke my heart. I have been feeling better about it lately and so i asked my friend (they work together) how Catherine was doing lately, my friend said that she has been miserable ever since the break up. i am so confused!! She broke up with me! Why is she so miserable over the break up?

[will1988]

Hey everyone! So heres my story. My girlfriend Catherine broke up with me 2 months ago, it totally broke my heart. I have been feeling better about it lately and so i asked my friend (they work together) how Catherine was doing lately, my friend said that she has been miserable ever since the break up. i am so confused!! She broke up with me! Why is she so miserable over the break up?

 

who cares? She left you. That was her choice, and if she feels bad about it, oh well, that is here problem. Move on and don't care about how your ex is feeling, IMO.

[Damsel in Distress]

I don't know if you are taking her misery as a sign that she regrets it and wants you back, but if she did, she would be letting you know that. Maybe it's possible in the future, who knows, but I would guess since she's not begging for you back, she's just doing her own grieving of the loss of the relationship (even though she knows it was the right thing to leave it).

 

It makes sense to me that dumpers are miserable even though they were the ones who ended it. They have given up a relationship, a person that they had strong feelings for and devoted a huge amount of time to - they have lost something they had thought would last. It makes sense that it's hard and they are also grieving. Plus, they are the ones who ended it, so surely they would feel a lot of angst. And they know you didn't agree that it should be ended, so they should also feel bad about hurting you. That's a lot to handle.

 

This makes much more sense than these other kinds of dumpers who are relieved, no longer care at all, glad to be free, and looking forward without looking back- acting like the relationship never happened. (Yes, my bitterness about my silent dumper is showing I know, lol).

 

So I think her misery shows that she is a caring person and even though it didn't work out, she valued the time she had with you and has to grieve the loss of you (even though for whatever reason she doesn't want to continue it).

[Sexy Teddy Bear]

who cares?

 

Exactly. Why should you care? Don't answer that, I know how you feel. I was going through these feelings 2 months ago. So I know exactly why you are affected by her actions - no matter what they are. The truth is that it doesn't matter one bit. Do you want to know why she is acting miserable? It's not because she is sad about breaking up with you, that's for sure.

 

Her behavior is normal for a dumper. They become depressed because there normal routine has been broken. They are all of a sudden alone, and even if they have been preparing for the break up for a while, it usually shocks them and they don't know what to do. She knows that she doesn't want to be with you, but she doesn't like the feeling of being alone.

 

Give her a week or two. She will have a rebound by then. That will last for a day, a week, a year. After she leaves that relationship she will do one of two things. She will either move on with her life with no regret, considering everything so far just a learning experience. Or she will become very depressed and very guilty for leaving you in the first place and coming groveling back at your feet for forgiveness and a second chance. By then though, you will have moved on and you won't want her back anymore.

 

So yeah dude. There is less than a 1% chance that her behavior has anything to do with you and she actually regrets leaving you. Chances are, what I said above is more or less spot on. So go do something, get your mind off her. You will be fine.

[Cogee]

Now Jeremy, imagine if your friend told you your ex was very happy and engaged to be married next month with someone else. Would that be painful to you? That's the danger of asking a friend how your ex is doing.