Birthday card from my ex

[norm28]

So, I haven't posted in a few years, but after what happened last week I was hoping to get some insight. My ex and I dated for 7 months. It was the best relationship I ever had. I'm 40, so I've been around the block a few times. Anyway, after losing my job in Oct I became very insecure and needy, and slowly pushed her away until we split in Dec. it took about 3 weeks to unravel, and it was very difficult for her to end things.

 

Anyway, we went through the usual stages of a breakup. Constant contact for 3 weeks, including one more night together. Then we started drifting apart, I got angry and lashed out twice. We've run into each other twice since, and she always goes out of her way to come over and not just say hi, but spend time talking with me. Once we hung out for a few hours, the next an hour before I had to leave.

 

 

So anyway, I texted her here and there (not anymore), and she would always take a day or so to respond. But here's the thing. After not speaking for a few weeks (the last time we bumped into each other), it was my birthday. I really didn't expect to hear from her, maybe a text. Turns out she got me a card (theme was an inside joke), and hand delivered it to my mailbox (she lives 6 miles away). I can understand just being nice, but she always goes above and beyond just 'being nice'. For my part I'm giving her all the space she needs, it's just confusing.

[orionboxing]

She's a keeper, but take your time and figure out what you want to do.

 

Don't smother her or be needy. Be strong.

[Ajax]

For my part I'm giving her all the space she needs, it's just confusing.

 

Wow. You're a trooper. Giving the person who dumped you all the space she needs. What about your space? What about your feelings?

 

Here's my take.

 

She may have had good reason to dump you. You may have become completely intolerable after you lost your job. You may have been a real jerk to her. Maybe.

 

But maybe it's not all your fault. Maybe she didn't have the patience or tenacity to stick with you in your time of need. Three weeks to unravel? Jeez Louise! People lose their jobs, it happens. And it takes some time to line up a new one. It's a mentally and emotionally traumatic event to lose a job, and here she is a few weeks later bailing on the relationship.

 

What would she do if the relationship were tested by something even more trying, illness or death? It sounds like she's either incapable or unwilling to stick with you (or possibly anyone) through life's ups and downs.

 

The bottom line is that job or no job, you deserve someone who will be with you when you need her.

 

As for "being nice" and the birthday card? It might just be the typical ex maneuvering to keep you as a safety net or to feel less guilty for dumping you. Honestly it seems pretty condescending to me though. As if she feels sorry for you. I wouldn't put much stock in it.

 

I think considering the circumstances, you should follow the advice that 95% of the people on here will give you... no contact.