After almost 2 years, she ends it

[Sexy Teddy Bear]

Hello, I am new to these forums. My name is Sexy Teddy Bear (my ex would always say "your my sexy teddy bear"), but you can just call me Michael. Honestly, I never imagined in a million years that I would need to post on a forum like this. But a week ago my ex said, "we need to talk, it's important.". My heart immediately dropped. Let me explain the whole thing from the beginning while keeping it as short as I can.

 

So we started dating on June 11th of 2011. We went to a pizza joint for our first date. I know, your thinking, "a pizza joint? really?". But we both love pizza almost as much as our own lives, so it was actually very fitting and great fun for both of us. We are both virgins (even now) and we were both each other's first love. We were both shy, and depressed before we met each other. We both have even had thoughts of suicide (neither one of us actually seriously considered it though). She was worse than me though. She never felt highly of herself, she always considered herself ugly and she never allowed herself to trust anyone. Just to be clear, she is not ugly. She is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen in my life. But after she met me, she said that I saved her. That I made her feel so special and so good about herself. She did the same to me, and I told her that. I told her everything about myself. Every little secret, even the bad ones. Things I am shameful about and regret, cause I trusted her so much. And she never batted an eyelash, she completely accepted me. She told me everything about herself as well, and I accepted her as she did me. She didn't have any bad secrets like I did, but I would have accepted her just the same if she did.

 

After about 6 months, I moved 1,400 miles away to New York. That was the worst decision in my life. But we both loved each other just as much. And we both stayed in a LDR for another year. She was planning on moving up here with me when she finished school. We were even gonna get married. I thought we were perfect. She even showed me a trick with her initials that I never noticed before; AAM = A* And Michael (I'd prefer if I left her name unknown). I was like "yup! That proves we are made for each other!". Everything was fine, or so I thought.

 

Last week she texted me saying that she doesn't love me anymore. She said that she had been thinking about it for a few weeks and she had come to the conclusion that her feeling just aren't there anymore. She wanted to remain friends, however. She said that she doesn't feel the need to text me much anymore, and she doesn't like talking to me on the phone anymore either. I begged and pleaded, trying to figure out what I did wrong just like anybody else. Eventually, I got as much as I could from her. She said that she felt I was too controlling, and too jealous, and that I got mad too much. She always got stressed because she didn't want to tell me anything for fear of starting an argument. In truth, she is right. I was a bit controlling and I started arguments easily. There were more good times than the bad though, or so I thought. I tried pleading more, saying I would stop and I would fix myself. No dice though. What kills me the most is that it was my fault. I had this perfect girl, and I just pushed her away until she no longer felt for me.

 

After a couple days, I told her that she had to give me a second chance, or I can't be in her life at all. In hindsight, horrible choice of word. I was trying to go for the 'no-contact' rule. I read online that this would be the best approach. After this, she disabled her Facebook and stopped contacting me, a couple days later, she re-enabled her Facebook. Still no contact though. I was really confused by this, why not just delete me as a friend? She does have another Facebook that I am not friends with her on. She never used it though. But After she broke up with me, I noticed her other page was updated with a photo of herself that was taken about two weeks ago, so I knew she started using that page again. So why would she disable, then re-enable her Facebook page that I am friended on? I couldn't figure it out. And I still can't, and it's bugging the hell out of me. Am I just over thinking it?

 

So today, I felt like I could contact her again. I felt like my head was leveled enough to talk to her. I recover quickly from emotional pain. So I text her saying that I wanted to remain friends. And that I had to stop contacting her so that I could pull myself together. She flat out rejected me. Saying that I chose not to be friends, so we won't be. And then she said she didn't even want to talk to me. And then she said, "I've decided that I don't want to be in a relationship with you." like it was something she just decided that day. Then she said that she realized that she doesn't want any relationship with me, friends or otherwise, that she is entirely happy without me in her life......That's when my heart was replaced by a black hole. I don't understand. She was madly in love with me for almost 2 years. How can all those feelings she had just disappear completely like that. She doesn't even seem like the same person. She never would have acted like this before.

 

I read the stickied post about 'The Grass Is Greener' syndrome, and that sounded pretty close to how this whole ordeal went. I don't know though. I'm so fricken lost without her. I feel nothing. I just don't know what to do.

 

Well, there is my story. I apologize if it's too lengthy for some of you. But I appreciate anybody that can give me some of their time to help me out. Simply posting all of this actually made me feel a little bit better.

[BarbecueMan666]

Not too lengthy at all sir.

 

I just came out of a 1.5 year relationship, my first true love indeed and it blows.

My partner ended it on new years day, so it's been close to 6 weeks since the breakup.

 

You're gonna feel ****ty for a while. I didn't really get an answer as to why my partner and I broke up besides she felt like it wasn't going to work, distance and that our previous argument/breakup she couldn't really deal with. (She was very intelligent, and we opened up to each other initially very well, beyond well - but towards the end she distanced herself a lot.)

 

You're going to want answers, and you're going to want to ask her questions, all I can tell you is you're not going to get anything out of it.

 

All you need to know is that right now, this girl doesn't want to be with you. Whether she'll regret it or not is of no importance, you're gonna feel sucky and depressed and probably hopeless. I'm going through the motions where I stalked my ex's fb page, spoke to one of her close friends and even stalked her page too.

 

Every bit of info I got made me sad, every bit of info I didn't get made me sad. The only answer is to not do it. Being curious is way less painful than getting answers you don't want.

 

Heartbreak is like a wound, You're not gonna let it heal if you keep messing with it. You have to accept the pain, accept that things are going to suck for a while, but remember you're going to find someone better off in the longrun.

 

We like to look at our partners as "the most beautiful things ever" in every regard when we're together, so it's normal for you to feel like that. I still feel like that with my ex, it's natural to feel like that for a while.

 

If the future you, was to come back in time 9 months from now and tell you, you're way happier, with a woman you love even more, but things suck for a while, would you feel better off? I'm sure you would.

 

Just take care man, things will suck but you'll get through it.

[Sexy Teddy Bear]

Thanks for the reply BBQ Man, it helps. I can't get over how much she changed though. She seems like a completely different person. I use to understand her, but now I don't know her anymore. She would never do anything like this. And if she did, it would not have been so harsh and sudden.

 

It almost feels as though she hates me now. And the way she replies to my messages, it feels so mean and hurtful. Almost like she is trying to spite me for something I did. But as hard as I think back on all my actions, I can't figure out what I did so wrong to deserve this behavior.

 

And another thing. Why is she still friends with me on Facebook? Like I said in the OP, she disabled her Facebook then re-enabled it a couple days later. She has stopped using this FB and started using and old one of which I am not friends on. I don't understand the thought process behind that. Could she simply be leaving this FB as a line of communication to me in the case she ever need to contact me? That is the only reason I can think of.

 

*sigh* I really am hopeless aren't I? I feel hopeless....and destroyed.

 

If any lady users on these forums have some insight into what these actions mean, please post. It is seriously driving me crazy trying to figure it out.

[Chi townD]

And another thing. Why is she still friends with me on Facebook? Like I said in the OP, she disabled her Facebook then re-enabled it a couple days later. She has stopped using this FB and started using and old one of which I am not friends on. I don't understand the thought process behind that. Could she simply be leaving this FB as a line of communication to me in the case she ever need to contact me? That is the only reason I can think of.

 

 

 

Hmmm... that's odd. You might be completely blocked from the one she currently is using and just keeps the old one there for anyone to see. There might be something on her current one that she doesn't want you to see.

 

Just a thought.

[Sexy Teddy Bear]

I know. It's really odd. Why would she even keep me as a friend on Facebook? why not delete me and then block me? Especially since she said that she "doesn't want to talk to me" and that she "doesn't want to remain friends". Why would she go back to using her old one again? It seems like a lot of trouble to me.

 

Is her behavior normal for a break up? Not just with the fb, but all of her actions. Is there some sort of hidden message she is trying to tell me?

[Sexy Teddy Bear]

So last night I was texting her trying to get some closure out of all this. The conversation didn't include that many texts, but it took hours to finish cause she would ignore me for a while before replying...as I expected she would. Needless to say there was no closure. I tried asking her why she broke up with me, what I did wrong, etc. I got the same answers I got the day she broke up with me she, "doesn't know" and she, "just doesn't love me anymore". I pressed her more on the subject and she finally replied with this, "idk. I just don't. I don't love u and I don't have a reason.... Sorry... Find someone....." And then, shortly after, she replied again with this one, "U were to controlling and acted like u were the boss of me bc u were older and jealous and I like being alone."

 

I fully admit to the controlling part. And I was jealous at first, but I thought I removed that emotion from my self completely, I obviously didn't. I was never trying to control her though. I wasn't on some f***ed up power trip trying to control this girl. The only reason I can think why I was doing that is because I was afraid of losing her. I wanted to keep her close to me. Other times I wanted to protect her, and I don't regret being controlling in those situations. She is oppressed and controlled by her own mother though, and it is very stressful for her. And that only made her dislike my behavior even more.

 

I just feel like such a d**k for doing this to her. Before, I was confused as to why she wouldn't give me a second chance. It's because this behavior of mine has been spread through most of the relationship. A lot of it has been good times, but a fair amount has been this insecure d**kish behavior. I always apologized to her after any issue we had, but 'I'm sorry' only goes so far. I just shouldn't have done it in the first place.

 

I just want her back so bad. I had something amazing and perfect, and i flushed it away. I know that I am a good guy. If it wasn't for those issues, I would have been perfect for her. We would be getting married, have kids and live out our days together. But I f***ed up big time and now she doesn't want anything to do with me. I made mistakes, but in the end I love her more than anyone ever will. I mean, don't people spend their whole life looking for someone that loves them unconditionally and will treat them how they deserve? Why would someone find that person early in their life, and then throw them aside?

 

My words to her, "do you want someone that will take advantage of you sexually and love football more than you? Or do you want someone that has made mistakes, but loves you unconditionally?" I want a second chance with her so bad. I want to prove that I'm not that insecure and controlling man anymore. I want to prove that I am, and always will be that loving, caring, adorable, tall, sexy, brow-eyed Italian (her words, not mine) that she fell in love with in the beginning.