Cam116 Posted February 4, 2013 Share Posted February 4, 2013 I let my temper get out of control. Found out that he slept with a girl that he had been chatting to before our break up, and I was convinced that he left me for her. Got super pissed, called him up and confronted him about it last night. Still denies that the break up had anything to do with her or any other girl, but didn't deny sleeping with her. I feel like such an ass. Why did I have to call him? Why didn't I just let it go? I ended the convo in an apology.....I've been having such a rough couple of days. I don't know where my head is at. Our apartment lease is up in 2 weeks and the thought of moving out of what used to be our apartment is really stressing me out and getting me down. Now I feel like our progress is back to square one Today is going to suck....... Link to post Share on other sites
Heartfail Posted February 4, 2013 Share Posted February 4, 2013 Eugh. I understand exactly how you feel- I sent awful volatile messages to my ex when I found out he was sleeping with someone new after just 2 weeks of being apart. I of course ended up grovelling and apologising which only diminished my dignity further it also made it easier fro him to label me a 'mental' ex and basically made moving on from me even easier. If you can you have to give NC a go. It had been working great for me and last weeK i was getting to the point that I was able to think of him without my stomach flipping over- it was only when he inconsiderately came to my house at the weekend that he sent me spinning back to step 1. Moving out is going to be awful but hopefully it can help you draw a line under him and start thinking about moving on Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cam116 Posted February 4, 2013 Author Share Posted February 4, 2013 I was more upset at the fact that I thought he lied to me and was being deceitful about the whole reason for the BU. I already knew he was out sleeping with girls, and didn't care, but HER! Why did it have to be her....I was more angry at the thought of him lying to me. I felt betrayed. Now I just feel like an ass. I don't know where to go from here..... The trouble with NC right now is #1 the apartment and #2 a mutual friend is getting married, we are both going to his bachelor party and his reception in April. Bachelor party is in 3 weeks. I may just not go to that....I don't know what to do Link to post Share on other sites
Toddbt12y1 Posted February 4, 2013 Share Posted February 4, 2013 Sometimes you have to release that energy. I wouldn't let it bother you, all too much. Just control yourself better next time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Toddbt12y1 Posted February 4, 2013 Share Posted February 4, 2013 I was more upset at the fact that I thought he lied to me and was being deceitful about the whole reason for the BU. I already knew he was out sleeping with girls, and didn't care, but HER! Why did it have to be her....I was more angry at the thought of him lying to me. I felt betrayed. Now I just feel like an ass. I don't know where to go from here..... The trouble with NC right now is #1 the apartment and #2 a mutual friend is getting married, we are both going to his bachelor party and his reception in April. Bachelor party is in 3 weeks. I may just not go to that....I don't know what to do Just endure through the upcoming mess. After it ends, NC can be made easier. It can be hard to restrain yourself...especially when seeing them with a person you believe they cheated on you with. Perfectly understandable. The wound is fresh...and with him still around, festering. As of the Bacholer party, perfectly up to you on whether to go or not; if you feel like he will ruin your time, do not go. If you can handle it, go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cam116 Posted February 4, 2013 Author Share Posted February 4, 2013 I'm so angry right now, I'm seeing red. I guess I'm in the anger stage of grief now. I emailed and apologized for waking him and screaming on the phone, that wasn't right of me. I'm half tempted to email this girl and try and get her side of the story, in a nice friendly way, but....I don't know if that will solve anything, and I am TRYING to be the bigger person here. I'm curious what she has to say about it. He is allowed to sleep with whomever he wants, and it's none of my business I understand that much, but it just bothers me so much that he was confiding in her before our BU, and now I find out he banged her. He insists that she, nor any other female, were the reason behind the break up. And that he is not seeing anyone, has no connection with anyone, or any kind of romantic interest in anyone. I believe him, he IS an honest guy and has never lied to me. Why would he lie now anyway? I really do truly believe him, I'm sure she was just a rebound screw. Should I ask her? He did not cheat on me with her. Physically. In my mind, he emotionally did. I'm so confused right now. I want to be his friend, but right now I'm so blinded with anger I want nothing to do with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cam116 Posted February 4, 2013 Author Share Posted February 4, 2013 I don't even know if I should respond to his email....I want nothing to do with him right now. I'm so conflicted. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted February 4, 2013 Share Posted February 4, 2013 He insists that she, nor any other female, were the reason behind the break up. He did not cheat on me with her. Physically. In my mind, he emotionally did. I'm so confused right now. I want to be his friend, but right now I'm so blinded with anger I want nothing to do with him. They ALL say that once they're caught out. Doesn't matter if it's a guy or a girl. You find something like that out and you call them out on the carpet, that is the FIRST thing out of their mouths, " He/she isn't the reason why we broke up." It's text book. The fact is, he was working her while he was still in the relationship with you. So, yeah. HE did cheat on you. It's called an Emotional Affair. Once he was out of the relationship, he didn't waste any time to get her into bed. That was his goal. THAT'S how much he valued your relationship. He didn't even mourn the loss of the relationship. No point in contacting her. She didn't give a damn about you while you were in a relationship with him, why should she care about what you have to say to her now? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cam116 Posted February 4, 2013 Author Share Posted February 4, 2013 I really don't see the point in him lying now. I've confronted him so many times about this, and our mutual friend, who TOLD me about him sleeping with her, said that they are unrelated incidences. He told me that my ex is not dating anyone etc, she was just rebound sex. My head is literally spinning. I don't think he would keep a lie going this long, I really do believe him.....and if he was seeing her exclusively or whatever, I will find out sooner or later. I know guys lie when they're "caught", but he already knew that I caught him in the emotional affair before, Wouldn't he just own up to it? Still debating on getting her side of the story.... Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted February 4, 2013 Share Posted February 4, 2013 What do you need her side of the story for? There isn't a story. You're the ex. He is free to have sex with whomever he wants. Whether he was into her or left you for her is completely irrelevant. At the end of the day you're still the ex. He isn't cheating on you so there's no story for you to "find out." It hurts and it sucks and it's painful that he's sleeping with someone so soon but this is what MOST dumpers do. They were done with the relationship before pulling the plug, he was interested in her, and it's natural he'd be with her. This is why we all say NC for a reason. To prevent days like this. If he was blocked, and you just removed him on FB and hung out with YOUR friends and not mutual ones, you wouldn't be around this s.hit and you'd be none the wiser. Ignorance is truly bliss. Do not e-mail her at all. You're already embarrassed at your behavior and now you want to do something which will make you look even more nuts? Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted February 4, 2013 Share Posted February 4, 2013 I really don't see the point in him lying now. I've confronted him so many times about this, and our mutual friend, who TOLD me about him sleeping with her, said that they are unrelated incidences. He told me that my ex is not dating anyone etc, she was just rebound sex. My head is literally spinning. I don't think he would keep a lie going this long, I really do believe him.....and if he was seeing her exclusively or whatever, I will find out sooner or later. I know guys lie when they're "caught", but he already knew that I caught him in the emotional affair before, Wouldn't he just own up to it? Still debating on getting her side of the story.... What's the point? What's done is done. What could she possibly add? It's just adding drama to a situation that's already dramatic. It sucks that you are going through this, but I don't get the point of involving her in the conversation. She has nothing to do with it -- it's between you and him. There's nothing she will say that will make you feel better. Instead, you'll come off as a psycho. You aren't a psycho. Link to post Share on other sites
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