Is there such thing as "right person, wrong time"

[sydneylovesyou123]

Seriously just need to vent because I'm beyond frustrated at this point.

 

I've made many posts before: here's a quick sumup...

 

Dated my ex, or whatever you want to call him for 5 months, almost 6...LDR. Before he went to school, we had a really strong connection. Then being in pharmacy school is just awful for him. I'm undergrad, he's grad. He took all his stress out on me first semester and I told him I wasn't dealing with it any longer if it continued.

 

We saw each other over break; things were good. We didn't really decide what to do, he said we would go with the flow of things. He's back at school, and has returned to the same person...self-centered, stressed about his grades (he's not doing so well), lack of interest in my life. I expected this.

 

I brought up a conversation last night and said that I was feeling back to myself, I lost myself last semester because I was too busy dealing with his stressful life, as if it was my own. He said that was fine and that he understood. And I said something like "seems like you could care less if you lost me" He said "i don't know, I just need to get my grades up" Either way, I want a straightforward answer. I want to hear "i wouldn't care if I lost you" or "I would care" none of these excuses. This is him to a T when he is in school. It's like talking to an emotionless wall...I get NOTHING in return. He's always studying and when he goes out it's to "escape reality" no real interest in my life, until he isn't stressed anymore. Over break there was a big change, we are fine when together, but when we are apart I cannot deal with it. My life is just as important as his, so then why doesn't he ask about mine? I asked him straight up, if you want me to move on then say so, and let me do it. He said I don't know what to say or do because I don't know what I want. It's up to you. I want you to be happy. I don't want you to think differently of me because of the situation I am in. I just cannot catch a break when it comes to school. I get it; pharmacy school is hard. but seriously, can't you act interested in my life for ONE MINUTE when you are at school? He said there isn't anyone else; it's just him. It's what he is going through now and can't handle it all and give me what I deserve. He said he doesn't wanna take away from my college experience and for me to have fun. If hooking up with other guys is fun then to do it because he doesn't know what he wants and doesn't know if it will hurt him.

 

It irks me because I feel like he totally forgets about when we actually see each other. It's like he forgets about me and doesn't give a crap. I'm passed the point of crying and being upset. It's more like I'm so mad. He said he gets this way with school. I asked him if he thought that this was the wrong time for me and him and he seemed to agree with me. When he was his normal self, everything was fine. We didn't fight or argue or anything. But now that he is in school, it's like I would get better conversation from a brick wall than him.

 

Sorry for this rant, but I just want to know if this just seems worthless to try. Should I just move on? I feel taken for granted. He clearly doesn't appreciate me or know what he has in front of him regardless of whatever circumstances he is going through. Since things are so good when we are together, could it just be the wrong time? What should I do?

[Phoe]

You should move on.

 

A man who is interested in your life will show that, and make a noticeable effort to be a part of your life.

 

A man who is not interested will do all this "meh" business listed above. Yes, I consolidated all of his actions into one simple word: meh.

 

[Balzac]

Wrong time AND wrong guy. Nobody struggles that much in a PharmD program early on. Not sure why he's choking but at this rate he's best to get a PlanB.

 

You're supposed to be enjoying your undergrad experience. He's dousing your fire w his problems. Wrong time.

[Million.to.1]

I'm familiar with your story as i remember your posts from a wee while back.

 

to answer you question, i think the answer is yes.

but it depends greatly on how things are dealt with.

 

This guy clearly is useless at LDR and isn't making you happy.

You said he is your Ex now? ....

Fact is that you are not happy. Another fact is that his behaviour won't change while he is away and focused on school. You've reached a stale mate.

He doesn't want a GF who is unhappy. No one does.

 

My suggestion to you would be to end the relationship. Tell him that you can't continue with the long distance and where you both are at, and you can't see a solution at this time.

Tell him you care deeply and maybe when school has finished and you are both living in the same city, you can reconnect if you are both single.

 

If there is ANY hope for a future for you two, you have to be strong enough to walk away from this now. Your relationship isn't working the way it is, and if you continue to carry on as you are, it will fail, and for good.

 

Leave the door open, but don't look back. Focus on yourt life and school and meet new people. If he is the "right person" and it's the "wrong time" then you will be drawn back to each other again.. You cannot control this. You have to be strong enough to let go for now.

 

You know the saying "if you love something, set it free?.... " well it's true, and it applies to your situation.

 

I know this because i did meet the "right person" 2.5 years ago. Distance was why we couldn't have a relationship. I didn't try to hold on to him/it, because i saw no point at the time. I got on with my life and acceptaed that we couldn't be together. It's only recently that we were drawn back to each other and now we are closing the distance gap. I know i have a future with him. I know we will make a great team in love and life.

[Samilia]

I think so, however in your case I think he's just not interested in prolonging the relationship. LDR are tough, I'd stay away from them.

[stevie_23]

I believe there is, yes, a right person wrong time scenario that often happens.

 

I believe I am my ex’s right person wrong time, but I also believe that NO time is really an immovable obstacle if the person really IS the right person and you are both truly willing to be together above all other things.

[NoMoreJerks]

No one is too stressed and busy to think about you and your needs for a few minutes a day, OK? NEVER NEVER tell yourself that anyone is too busy for that. Who is he, the president of the United States? Come on. My ex gave me the same line. He even told me he didn't want to think about me every day. A few months later, he sent an even clearer mssg: "I don't love you, I am not attracted to you." It's not about bad timing. It's about a self-centred assh*le who is emotionally unavailable and isn't looking for a relationship, just an occasional companion.

[LostOne1]

You should move on.

 

A man who is interested in your life will show that, and make a noticeable effort to be a part of your life.

 

A man who is not interested will do all this "meh" business listed above. Yes, I consolidated all of his actions into one simple word: meh.

 

 

That depends.. I mean people forget it's hard to juggle it all. I found it really hard to juggle time for my ex and school. It's like both sides wanted more and more of what time I barley had already. Which is why I TRY to do special things once in awhile for my ex. Because it shows I care.. but right now school is tying me down too. If school was over I could see myself doing much more and want to do much more.

 

I just wish some girls saw that too. it's not easy at all I know for me, I have to help my family, go to school and had an ex who constantly wanted to talk to me late at night for hours every night. It was hard to keep up and I have no idea how she does it. Maybe she has less family responsibilities since she's the youngest in her family. I'm the oldest so it's a lot different for her to see that side.

 

I guess what I am saying is if the guy IS showing SOME effort give him a break too. If he does have lots of the table it doesn't mean he doesn't want to give his girl some time. I always felt my ex left me without even understanding what I was going through. And as a guy I rarley spoke my feelings inside. I lost my grandma then, had to leave school for that semester then my ex left me. It's like she never once looked at me and said hey he lost his grandma and he's in pain. Maybe I should give him a break rather than be mad at him for not giving me more time and BU.

 

Hate to say it but for my ex her anger took over and it just ripped us apart. Sadly my anger which I don't normally have came out too and ripped us apart too.

 

So before you judge anything.. SEE what he's going through.. he might not be showing his true feelings if he's struggling inside with something.