lalalandman Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 (edited) Can't believe I have to be here again! Lol. I just want to rant so bear with. I dated a girl for 5 years. Broke up in May last year. Very heartbroken. She stayed in contact up until, probably June of this year. Never got anywhere. July 21, I ran into this girl on the way out of a club. We locked up and she initiated to kiss me, within about 10 minutes. Her sister was there too. Anyways we go out about a week later and have the best date. More dates come and I eventually start driving to see her about 4-5 times a week. Meet her family. Oh, and we have the SAME bday. Earlier this week. I'll get to that. So then there's the age difference. 10 years exactly. I'm a working professional in west LA, and she works at Taco Bell in east side. WHATEVER. I really didn't give a crap. Just stating some surface differences. She had mentioned her ex a few times. How it took her ages to get over him after he left. They dated 5 short months. In any case, I told her about my ex too. But by this time I was over her for good. The first day I went to surprise her at work, she was really happy to see me. We sat down and she mentioned she had a feeling I would come. But she told me an hour before I showed up, so did her ex. I figured, oh, whatever. Douche lost his chance. I think a couple weeks ago, I went to see her one night, and as we were walking to grab food, she all of a sudden pulled me and said walk fast! We go inside, get food, and she tells me we just walked past her ex. He was waiting at a bus station. She mentioned how it was 'weird' and maybe said it was a sign. I said Yea, so he can see what he gave up and to see that his ex is now happy. So whatever. Thursday I call her, she picks up, and I swear I hear her say hello, then she starts talking with a friend in the background and I hear her say well if he comes I don't want any drama. Phone call ends. I figure, uh weird. I don't mention this later. Anyways, she decides to take ME out to dinner that night. It was so awesome. We really click. This older couple sitting next to us starts chatting, taking our pics, telling us we're cute, blah blah. I figured ok, old drunk weirdos. The check comes, and as she goes for it, the old dude snaps it and pays it! I mean, for me, I don't turn down kind gestures. I give a little pushback for humbleness, but thats it. I figured maybe he saw her going for the check and wanted to pay cause he felt bad. Or he really liked us, knew our bday was coming up. Whatever, my girl and I were stoked! Lol. Nice people. Anyways, we drive home, and we're in my car. I look over at her, look her in the eyes and say I think I love you. Yea I do. She seemed really happy but didn't reciprocate the words. Which is no big deal at that moment. I say what I feel when I'm good and ready. Anyways she goes inside. Calls me baby. Goodnight. Next day Friday, I call to wake her up. Yes, I had gotten into the habit of sending her wake up calls. So later I'mtexting her and tell her I'm coming over. Which is normal. She said no don't, seriously I'm really busy. I figured strange, but whatever. Ok. Next day I call her. She picks up and is weird. I said hey so, I'm coming to your party tonight. She says maybe you shouldn't come, I know how you don't like new people. Ok backstory. I told her before I get warmed up to people. But at this point I've alreadt met her whole family, friends, been to parties. Cousins. There was one of her parties I missed, because I went out with friends. In any case, I figured, what a weird comment. So she says hold on, puts me on hold for 5 minutes. I hang up. She texts about 20 mins later and says ok come by. So I dont get there till midnight of our birthday. I'm with friends. I text and call her and tell her hey it's almost midnight, our birthday, pickup! As soon as I get there, I get this text from her saying I hope you have a wonderful bday and I wish you the best. I'm like, huh? I'm in your hood. Just parked. Drama. I go in to her house, mingle with a few people, chat with her sis. Let me tell you. She sees me and avoids me. The ENTIRE time. I find out her ex texted her happy birthday. Eventually I leave without saying goodbye. I had enough. She texted about 3 hours later asking where I am. Lol. Next day Sunday. Our birthday. We break up. Can you believe it. We were supposed to go to disneyland. I call her before noon. She picks up wishes me happy bday, oh was gonna call you later. I gave her heat for the night before. She mentioned it won't happen again, I think. She asked what I was doing. Got awkward. I dont remember how it got to this point, but She mentioned she is too young, basically wants to date around. I told her I'm prepared to breakup today. She said ok. Crap! Sends me a goodbye text. I don't know if this is correct, but I immediately feel dumpers remorse, maybe? I call back and say Do you want another shot? She says no, of course, and says maybe later, or something. She texts sorry for ruining your birthday, and sorry for making you feel that way. Then later that night sends one last text saying I am sorry about everything. So there it is. I have no idea why we broke up. I can assume it's the ex. Maybe some disagreements. Just seemed like a 180. Do you think I should've just buried it and said screw it, it's our birthday, I'm coming to see you. After she asked what I was doing. Did I come off douchey? Too Angry? Or was this just inevitable. Was she trying to apologize for her actions for forgiveness, or saying goodbye. I mean, if I haven't heard from her since Sunday, I can assume it's over. Yes? Ugh. Again. I really liked her. Took her to an Aerosmith concert too. She loves them to death and always asks me to sing their songs. So crap. Seriously. Tomorrow would be our 2 month. This is so dumb. What happened. Total 180. Where did I screw it up. I guess it's all perspective. Nothing is as it seems. Why am I so upset over something shortlived. Stupid exes. I'm not positive he's the reason, but oh well. Thanks to whomever made it to the end of my story. Edited September 21, 2012 by lalalandman Link to post Share on other sites
CptSaveAho Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 (edited) 2 months... breakup? Move along, nothing new here. Neither one of you are over your ex. Lets create a new relationship to cover up our last one. Instead of healing, moving forward and focus on yourself. Lets project a relationship to bandaid over someone I know isnt going to work out because you dont have standards, boundaries and self love. Dating a girl that works at taco bell and talks about an ex of 5 months... LOL doomed to fail from the beginning Edited September 21, 2012 by CptSaveAho 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lalalandman Posted September 21, 2012 Author Share Posted September 21, 2012 No honestly. Really. I'm over my ex. I am completely indifferent. I don't have any reason for throwing it in there other than to provide my previous history with LS. But thanks for your comment. I can assure you, this girl was in no shape or form a rebound. This honestly felt completely fresh for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lalalandman Posted September 21, 2012 Author Share Posted September 21, 2012 Lol I shouldn't have mentioned Taco Bell! I was just trying to show that I felt unconditionally. That I didn't care. Hell at least she had a job. She's in school for psychology. I actually helped her discover different branches of psychology and urged her to eventually start volunteer work and go to graduate school if she wants a serious career. Why am I telling all this to a person called CaptSaveAHo??? Irony!!! Link to post Share on other sites
CptSaveAho Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 (edited) I dated a girl for 5 years. Broke up in May last year. Very heartbroken. She stayed in contact up until, probably June of this year. Never got anywhere. July 21, I ran into this girl on the way out of a club. People that are over their ex dont mention them or point out their feelings towards them Quickly rebounding after you stopped talking to her... HMMM The rest of the story to anyone that uses their brain is a story of RED FLAGS, job, age gap, quick meeting of parents, quick physical contact, where you met her. When I read this, I read a person that is lying to themselves, painting a black picture white. Maybe someone else has a different opinion. Seriously 2 months? You are living up to my screen name. Can you not see how SILLY this is? Edited September 21, 2012 by CptSaveAho Link to post Share on other sites
Author lalalandman Posted September 21, 2012 Author Share Posted September 21, 2012 (edited) Dude, May of 2011 with the previous ex. Sorry I mentioned it. Before June of this year we hadn't spoken for months. K? And why is everything a red flag? Like we have to be equally matched in all superficial facets of life to feel anything genuine for one another? How is quick physical contact a red flag? Meeting parents? What? The only red flag was her ex. That's good enough for me. Probably will kick her to the curb again. Oh well. I won't speculate. Not my business. I appreciate you chiming in but everything truly felt like it fell into place with her. Just crappy circumstances. Edited September 21, 2012 by lalalandman Link to post Share on other sites
Million.to.1 Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 this was clearly a re-bound relationship.. maybe for her more than you, but i agree, destined to fail. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 I'm sorry you're back on here again but at least this was a short encounter and it saved you from what could have been an even more painful situation. She's not over her ex. When I read that statement, "It took her ages to get over her ex" and only 5 months of dating, it was a red flag. True enough, her actions are telling in that the ex is still in the picture. If I am with my boyfriend or a guy I am dating and saw an ex, I would not scurry away. She didn't want him to see her with you. That should tell you something. There is nothing wrong with you dating a girl that works at Taco Bell. It doesn't define who she is but emotionally I believe both of you are on a different level. A side note, I believe CptSaveAHo is Wilson. I may be wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 2 months... breakup? Move along, nothing new here. Neither one of you are over your ex. Lets create a new relationship to cover up our last one. Instead of healing, moving forward and focus on yourself. Lets project a relationship to bandaid over someone I know isnt going to work out because you dont have standards, boundaries and self love. Dating a girl that works at taco bell and talks about an ex of 5 months... LOL doomed to fail from the beginning Yeah seriously... agree with this, AND have to say that it's only a relationship of 2 months and you call her to TELL her you're coming over? Maybe you were just a bit overbearing. That sounds really pushy to me. "Hey babe good morning. I'm coming over." Wait what? You already had a trip planned to Disneyland too? Relationships that start out so intensely don't really last. We're programmed to think that these intense feelings and this whirlwind is true love. It's not. As quick as it starts, is as fast as it will be over. I don't think there was a lot of foundation to this relationship... you let A LOT of things fly under your radar... I think she's hung up on the ex too. Link to post Share on other sites
AintGotNothin Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 Why is the fact that she worked at Taco Bell an issue to anyone? Seems like some people here say it would never work w/ him and her cause age, rebound and the fact that she works at Taco Bell. To me that seems kind of shallow. What does it matter if she works at Taco Bell? If she worked at Ruth's Chris would that make her a more suitable mate or a better person? At least she has a job and isn't collecting money from Uncle Sam. She's already better off than about 10% of the country that are sitting around unemployed and probably wished they could have her work. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 There's only one person that mentioned Taco Bell being an issue. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lalalandman Posted September 21, 2012 Author Share Posted September 21, 2012 Well it wasn't that I was being pushy. It's more like things became a routine. Quickly. I think I probably was just a little blind to certain issues. Probably set expectations too high too soon. What's annoying is that you'd figure I've been through enough to understand these basic issues. But I had strong feelings for her, and string emotional feelings tend to blind us from certain realities. But to be fair, she was going along with the whole thing. She was the one who suggested Disneyland on our birthday. She took me to dinner. I think mostly she wasn't over her ex and was most likely manipulated by him. I'm only speculating. If communication was the issue, I wish we could have just agreed to take things a little slower. Maybe I just let negative emotions take the best of me. She did apologize and asked what I was doing on Sunday. At this point, I think, it's too late. However she did avoid me at that party. Weird. And she did send that weird text. So I still think her ex got involved. It was just a quick 180, so I'm a tad more suspicious. That's life Link to post Share on other sites
Author lalalandman Posted September 21, 2012 Author Share Posted September 21, 2012 Got it dude Link to post Share on other sites
Mike_d Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 Got it dude Gibson is spot on with his dissection. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lalalandman Posted September 21, 2012 Author Share Posted September 21, 2012 Not entirely. You have to understand that for the past 2 months, she reciprocated everything, even suggested most. She brought me to her parents. Invited me to a casino with her family. Her family asked me to go. It was this weekend when things flipped a 180. And yes, she originally invited me to come to the party before the weekend. I did not just invite myself. Yes I should have noticed the red flags with the ex. But I chose to ignore. Link to post Share on other sites
Mike_d Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 the weekend was the result of the actions of the previous few weeks Link to post Share on other sites
Dblock10 Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 how old is she? or you? and gibson, ripping you a new one lool. yeah man, gotta roll with the punches and just look at this rationally tbh Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 You're not a match. You are a professional who is ten years older than her. She works at Taco Bell. She's also not over her ex, which is why she keeps talking about him. When there is this much of an age gap, it often leads to the older man trying to control the younger woman, and from the sound of your first post, you come across as very controlling. You seem to be ordering her around a lot, telling her "I'm coming over" rather than asking. I'm guessing the combination of not being over her ex, the age difference, and you coming across as too controlling is what got her to think your relationship should end. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliBabe Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 I agree with all the previous posters. But on the bright side you can get back out there and find someone more suitable for you. Goodluck man! Link to post Share on other sites
Author lalalandman Posted September 21, 2012 Author Share Posted September 21, 2012 She mentioned the exclusivity issue. She said well I just assumed we're together. How do I come off as controlling from a single comment. It was our birthday weekend and we had planned to be together. When she said don't come over, I just said ok. That was it. The next day we also planned to be together. Then she basically gave me the signals not to come. Just because I'm 10 years older doesn't automatically put me in this position of a controlling individual. Her age and our jobs don't really dictate wether or not we're a match. I don't agree. It's not like I forced her to take me to dinnner, meet her family, go to parties, hang with her and go out. Like I said she was the one who expected me to come over during the weekdays. After school and work. She expected my calls in the morning. I didn't force any of this. It felt natural and she made ut seem that way Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 If my reading comprehension can be trusted, you mentioned she is a student. One may infer then that she is a FT undergraduate. Is she living at home? Shared apt with other students? I see no issue with the age difference. It's not that unusual actually. Link to post Share on other sites
love does not exist Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 Taco Bell lol. You had some balls laying that info out there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lalalandman Posted September 21, 2012 Author Share Posted September 21, 2012 yes she is undergrad, luving at home with brother, 3 sisters. We were a great match and had great chemistry. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lalalandman Posted September 21, 2012 Author Share Posted September 21, 2012 I know it was my fault for bringing it up lol. Link to post Share on other sites
love does not exist Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 yes she is undergrad, luving at home with brother, 3 sisters. We were a great match and had great chemistry. What are you sweating this for anyways. Your a professional, she is a little girl. Two different worlds you guys are living in. Add on to that the relationship was not even a year long. Forget about it, and move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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