Is anyone here really qualified to give

[k100danny]

Now this might seem like I am saying everyone is wrong or that people shouldn't listen to the advice people post on this forum but that isn't the case.

 

What i'm saying is we are ALL here for a reason, if you say you are here just to post advice because you like it that's BS. we are all dealing with or have dealt with a break up that is still affecting us, if we weren't you wouldn't be here posting about it or bitter. You would be off enjoying your life after healthily moving on and getting past the break up.

 

There are a few rules that seem to pop up on this forum and number 1 is NO CONTACT. While I do agree that keeping in contact can stop you moving on and if you do truly want to move on then this is the way. also you don't want to be someone who harrasses the ex as this would make you look pathetic. Number 2 seems to be people basically saying get over it (if you were over your relationship you wouldn't be here)

 

Now don't get me wrong this is a great place to vent and there is a lot of great advice out there from people who relate to you but i've seen too many posts on here of people basically talking down to someone and lets be honest you are in no position too, most of us here are single, trying to deal with life and understand ourselves and others more on a journey to find someone who matches us as best we can. Some of the people on here are so jaded and cleary have anger issues toward their ex's which isn't really healthy at all. Please bear this in mind next time someone chooses to claim to have all the relationship knowledge needed for a happy life but is sat behind their computer replying to posts on the internet instead of spending time in a happy relationship.

[Sav]

Hmm, what I feel is that people on this forum are not really here to give advice to others. Instead, they are here to reinforce those advice that we already know so well.

 

As you have stated, dealing with a breakup is pretty simple in theory. Time + NC = A happy dumpee However, even though EVERYONE knows this, people still choose to do otherwise.

 

And that comes back to my point. LS I believe is a place for people who have chosen to do otherwise. This place exist for them to WARN others of the pitfalls and consequences of not following the universal rule of NC. Of course NC isn't all-powerful. Some people have broken NC and gotten favorable results. But as a rule of the thumb, NC is one of the most effective ways to get that rotten ex out of your head.

 

So I would like to say that LS isn't a place for people to be giving advice to others. I agree. We are here for a reason. But I would like to think LS as a place for people to SHARE their personal experience and stories so others would know what they're getting into.

 

Just my two cents

[Calico]

It's a peer-to-peer self-help community, basically.

 

Most, if not all, of us go through similar situations, or have done so in the past. You don't need to have a degree of a specific kind in order to share your experiences and offer others a shoulder or an ear. Being in pain is one of those times when people are compassionate and understanding, because they can relate. There is a lot of value in that.

 

Personally, I find peer advice far more useful than "professional advice" (which isn't really different anyway), because it's more hands-on and comes from people who really do understand how you feel, and not those who have read about the feelings and emotions in books. As Sav said, nothing we go through is particularly complex or new, so the advice (here and elsewhere) is equally as simple and same-y.

 

Few people here are very dogmatic, though. I generally am all for people trying what they want to try, because if they don't try it, they will just forever wonder if it was a mistake. But when someone repeats he same actions and expects different results, and always rips open their wound again, then it's good to be a little more blunt about what they're doing to themselves. Is any advice absolute? Nope. But that is also true for any kind of advice, no matter where you get it.

[k100danny]

I understand what you are saying. I wasn't asking if anyone had an actual qualification just that sometimes people seem very preachy on this site and almost put others down for doing something that is deemed "wrong" for helping you heal. When in fact it seems the people saying this have been here the longest, have the most posts and obviously seem to have the least luck in achieving that happiness that most of us seem to be searching for.

 

I agree that it is a great forum and the support you can get here while feeling comfortable enough to say anything can be priceless. It has been a great place for me to come when I don't have an ear to bend or people are sick of hearing during and after my last two relationships and I don't know what i would have done without it.

 

My concern is that when we heal we tend to move away from this forum, which is understandable, we are no longer seeking reassurance and advice of others and we are generally happy in ourselves. I know when I was happy and in love I wasn't posting on here. so what I am trying to say is some people on here are clearly trying to be helpful but don't judge everyone for how they react to their situation, you will never live my reality and I will never live yours. no two people see the world the same way. So by all means try and offer your advice but don't preach at people like you have your **** together, you're talking to people on the internet about your broken heart, we're all in the same boat just at different distances into our journey.

[carhill]

LoveShack is a mixed bag, as are most discussion forums.

 

Most posters are transitory. Some of us are not. I noticed a member who's been here for years just posted that she gave birth to she and her H's second child. I remember when she divorced her cheating first H. Like others in the non-transitory group, she processed her issues and remained to share with others.

 

Most of we 'old-timers' are like that. Life is a continuum which we happen to enjoy discussing and sharing with others. Something for everyone.

[k100danny]

I think you are missing what i'm saying and i have said many times there is great advice on here and it is very helpful. I'm not speaking about everyone who post's here just a few I wouldn't really want to name that have posted things that aren't so nice in reply to some peoples posts.

 

No I don't expect people to lie to you and tell you things that will cause you more pain at all. I appreciate the advice I have been given on here but from time to time I have seen a few people be very short with certain people complaining about them posting and as you said "if you don't like it don't read it"

 

I totally agree with what you say about respecting your ex, 100%. During my last relationship ending the first night we talked it through, I never asked her to come back, begged pleaded or anything and apart from a couple of texts, her to me also out of the blue we cut ties. I did not bother her when she had someone else and if a place or a person makes her happier than I did I would rather she be in that place or with that person. I expect respect in return also.