Lost? 7 years gone!

[hardup]

To save a life time a reading, I will cut this down to the basics. I met my boyfriend when I was 16 years old. We fell hard fast, he was my first and only serious boyfriend. I become pregnant very soon into our relationship, we were obviously scared but welcomed our son into the world with loving arms. We moved out on our own before our son arrived. We had a great family. We loved eachother, our son, we were financially getting by, and were happy! He proposed to me 3 years into our relationship. I, of course said yes!

 

Fast forward 7 and a half years, the stress of life come down on us. We've become an 'old boring married' couple, became too comfortable with everything, lost the romance, and drifted away from many of our friends. I can honestly say we were both unhappy with the way things were. But I personally never stopped loving him.

 

One night out of the COMPLETE blue, he came home very late. I questioned his where abouts, and BOOM he broke up with me. I felt completely blindsided by this, so naturally went into hysterics and didn't believe what he was telling me. He said he couldn't believe how I was so blindsided, I should have seen this coming for a long time. He also said it was something he has been thinking about for a long time. In the spur of my **** emotions I begged and pleaded with him to give us another chance. But he wasn't having any of it.

 

We stayed civil, I clung to hope. A week later he moved to his mothers house, taking only a couple of pairs of clothes with him. He was letting me stay here with our son, because I had no where else to go, and honestly he felt bad by more or less dumping me.

 

I went through so many emotions, between feeling lost, being pissed off, sad, that now I'm just completely numb.

 

We have been broken up for 2 months now. I still love him with all my heart, and have a little hope in me that he will come around. What I can't take is the head games. We 'hooked up' twice since the breakup. He is constantly texting me. When he comes to pick up our son he lingers around wayy longer than he needs to. He is always asking me if I'm seeing anyone else. He also still hasn't taking any of his belongings out of our house yet.

 

I couldn't take the playing anymore, so today I just bluntly asked him if he saw any hope for us in the future. I told him I understand we would need to take it extremely slow and work on our problems. He gave me confusing answers. But then said no, there is no more hope, he doesn't want us to hate eachother. I will be much happier with someone else. But then tells me he doesn't want to start over with someone new. He invested too much time into our relationship and cares about me??????

 

I think since he hasn't went out in such a long time, he is really enjoying being single. I know there has been another girl he hooked up with, but he tells me there is no one he is dating.

 

ANYWAY. I'm not sure what to do anymore. I just want to be happy. I don't want to play these childish games. How do I move on from someone who I have to see and contact for my sons sake? What if I start to move on and he comes crawling back. My heart has been broken so many time these past few weeks, I don't think I can handle anymore.

 

Advice please?

[Mike_d]

he's young and immature. you'll need to figure out what your boundaries are and then work your ass off to enforce them. think seriously if this kind of guy is the man you want. try to think past the physical side and all the history and look at his actions.

 

accept that you are not going to be happy for awhile, you can be happy within but realize honestly what you are dealing with here. get a lawyer, keep taking care of your child, be an awesome mom. try not to be there if you can when he picks your son so he has no reason to linger. he's wanting his cake and to be able to eat it too. he's being a selfish little ****, and as a guy this pisses me off, needs to grow the hell up. when he said no, then you have your answer. I know its not what you want to hear at all, but you did get your question answered. set your boundaries, get your lawyer to help you setup a custody and support payment schedule. be fair but firm, and keep posting here, it'll help

[Calico]

You didn't lose seven years. You still have the memories, you still have experienced the good times, you have a child that is living evidence of the fantastic years you had (something many, many people never experience), you've learned a lot, you're now growing from this experience. You've won a lot and you still have all of it.

 

I don't think your man is playing mind games with you. I believe you play them with yourself. You asked him if there is hope and he said no, there is none. That's it. You can keep asking him the same question in different ways, and you'll get slightly different answers, which you can then interpret like tea leaves until you find one that fuels your hope, but that doesn't really change the base fact here: He doesn't want to be with you and you pressure him.

 

I know that this is a little blunt, but I feel you torture yourself by clinging to something that no longer is and that currently doesn't have a chance of being again. Likely, there won't even be a chance unless you genuinely let go, and once you really do let go, you may not want it anymore. It's a bit of a paradox, but it works in your favor.

 

You have to take the first step, though. No one can do it for you.

[Stanza]

Yes, you will need to grow and learn to love yourself and be yourself on your own again and become stronger. When he sees that he may see you in a different way.

 

My heart goes out to you.