Breaking NC and the cycle

[k100danny]

So I haven't broken my NC i was just reading about attachment styles and I think this explains NC very well.

 

I'm not saying everyone who gets dumped has an anxious attachment style but it is merely activated due to your ex breaking up with you, It had a very easy to understand diagram that basically explains what most people go through after a break up and this is why breaking the cycle is the only way to move forward.

 

 

basically firstly for anxious attached individuals they sense a threat to the relationship but for this example we will use the threat of the relationship ending as this is what has happened and it goes something like this

v

 

break up

v

 

Panic and trying to re-establish contact

v

 

at this point one of two things happen, your ex

Replies to your text ect and you feel slightly better

more relaxed like an addict who got the drug, many of

you will have felt relief if your ex replied even if it wasn't

to say anything nice, the contact is made and this makes

you feel better.

 

Now another thing can happen and they

ignore you, this creatures more anxiety and trying harder

to establish contact again and the cycle continues. This puts

you back to the second step.

 

v

 

Now they state there is only one way out of this cycle, you

either keep trying to get in touch therefore increasing your

anxiety or you give up trying. This WILL eventually happen

But by this time you may have done a lot of damage to yourself

or even to the other person through aggressively trying to get

back in contact or to get a reaction as I know many of us have said

things just to try and get a reaction out of the ex, this is normal too.

 

 

Now I've tried to write this like the diagram I saw but it looks very messy so sorry for that. But all I'm trying to say is people wonder why it buts them back to step one a lot of the time and this shows how your emotions work in times like this. Now you won't always go back to square one, as i say you WILL eventually stop trying and start to admit it's over but the activation of your anxious thoughts can be made easier by you. It seems like not contacting your ex makes you more anxious and you feel a sense of relief contacting them, This is the case, you aren't wrong you do feel a slight relief but it is short lived and continues the cycle, If you can resist the urge and by knowing what is happening see that it is not productive then you can help yourself to move past it. It really does get easier day by day.

 

I thought this was something a few of you might like to read.