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Does "taking a break" EVER work?


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

Old 14th January 2004, 6:44 PM   #1
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Question Does "taking a break" EVER work?

Hi,
I've been lurking here for a week or two, and this is my first post.

A brief summary of my situation:
A little over a month ago, my boyfriend of over two years informed me that he wanted to (get ready) "take a break." This came seemingly out-of-the-blue to me. Just a few days prior to the announcement, he had been telling me how much he enjoyed the time we spent with each other, how much he loved and appreciated me and our relationship. I was absolutely thrown for a loop.
It was fairly crummy timing as well. Just three weeks prior to Christmas, we were scheduled to go out of state to visit his family. I was also at an emotional low point, as I was dealing with a lot of pressure at work, the holidays are hard for me (I lost my mother around Christmas a few years back), and was just coming down with the flu.

He knew this, and was truly unable, or prehaps unwilling, to provide some support. In the past, I have regularly provided unwavering, unconditional support for him in his horrible dark periods. We've gone through a lot of very painful and difficult situations together. I did so willingly, with no expectation or agenda other than to help to ease his pain. He is a very good, very kind, but often very tortured man.

He told me that for the last couple of months, he was having doubts about whether we had a future, but it had only been during the prior two weeks that it became clearer in his head. He hadn't been sleeping well (and had been telling me during that time that he felt it was due to the new anti-depressants he'd started). He needed some time to sort things out.

I cried, and suggested that we take three months with no contact for him to work some things out, and we could re-evaluate after that period.

I fully realize that he needs this time. I feel that there are a lot of issues floating around in his head. He started seeing me almost immediately upon separation from his ex-wife (a troubled marriage of over 25 years). His adult daughters were never especially accepting of me (they thought, incorrectly, that I was the cause of the marriage's demise). He has had a lot of depression and guilt issues that have never really been worked out. The holidays are a great time for long-simmering problems to rear their ugly heads.

It's been very painful, but I have maintained the no-contact provision. He mostly has, with the exception of an email on Christmas Eve, wishing me a good holiday, telling me he thinks of me often and misses me, but he feels that this was the right decision at this point in our relationship.

I love and miss him very much, but have begun to steel myself for the worst. I'm moving on with my life, going out with friends, talking to the excellent circle of supportive friends I am blessed to have, and doing an awful lot of thinking and evaluating.

My question is this: Can these sort of breaks ever work? Do they serve a purpose other than to get used to life without the other person? I'm not planning on putting my life on hold indefinitely in the hopes that it will work out. I'm just curious if anyone has heard a similar situation that ended in a reconciliation.

Thanks for taking the time to read this.
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Old 14th January 2004, 7:40 PM   #2
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My question is this: Can these sort of breaks ever work? Do they serve a purpose other than to get used to life without the other person? I'm not planning on putting my life on hold indefinitely in the hopes that it will work out. I'm just curious if anyone has heard a similar situation that ended in a reconciliation

I'm not sure about in every situation but my best friend and her boyfreind at the time took a 4 month break adn got back and have been togehter for about 7 years now happily married, so i guess in some cases yes it does work, but it also does help getting used to life without the other perosn. good luck
xalysabeth
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