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Why does my ex still "hate" me?


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Old 16th October 2011, 7:27 PM   #1
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Why does my ex still "hate" me?

A little background here, my ex and I broke up almost 2 months ago, and we dated for about 4 months prior...and were really good friends for 2 years prior to that. Our breakup was pretty bad, it was basically because I was hard to deal with the last 2 week of the relationship, and really hurt him, which I apologized for, but he started dating someone 4 days after we broke up. So Friday night, my best friend and I (who is also really good friends with my ex boyfriend) went to the bar that he works at..he was not there (i knew he wouldn't be), but I havent been up there since we broke up. Everyone was so excited to see me again, etc. Well, about 2 hours in to us being there, he found out I was there (through facebook or mutual friends that were there), so he strolls in, all dolled up, and I say "Hey, how are you?" all surprised..and all he does is sorta smile and wave. He said nothing to me the rest of the night, but did talk to our friend. He told our friend that he was only there to talk to the bartender (he drove like 45 minutes to get there, and there are cell phones, hello)..and my friend asks my ex if he and I will ever be friends again, to which he replies "i'm not ready...not tonight". And hes basically super awkward with everyone there, didn't look my friend in the eye and was kinda rude to our friend. I guess he sorta has a 19 year old girlfriend (he is 31), but has not changed his facebook status, and has no pictures up of the 2 of them (which isn't a big deal, but it kinda is, you know facebook world)..not to toot my own horn or anything, but he didn't look very happy and was just kinda weird and almost scared. I did catch him looking at me a few times. What is going on with him, and why does he still act like he hates me? I've apologized for everything I did, sincerely, and was super cool and very sweet to him for weeks now, and especially that night. If he had moved on with this new girl, why cant he be decent to me, and want to make things ok between us, at the very least?
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Old 16th October 2011, 10:22 PM   #2
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Ok, he doesn't hate you, he's protecting himself because he obviously still has feelings for you. He didn't show up at the place for no reason, and telling your friend he isn't ready is a clear indicator that he's not over you. If he was then he wouldn't have a problem speaking to you. Although he obviously still wants to see you as he showed up!

Just give him a bit of time. He's having a rebound but it won't last, and maybe he'll come to forgive you for the bad breakup.
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Old 17th October 2011, 2:00 AM   #3
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Who broke up with whom or was it completely mutual?
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Old 17th October 2011, 12:54 PM   #4
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Well, shortly after I posted the original message about why does he hate me, etc...I see this post on his facebook wall....

"I may have mentioned this... but damn I love my girlfriend... i thank God, Buddha, Vishnu, Satan, WHOEVER made this happen... Happy as a goddamn clam."


..So why did he purposefully come to the bar 2 nights ago when he KNEW i was there? And why can he still not talk to me?...riddle me this unless hes just trying to get under my skin...
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Old 17th October 2011, 1:08 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JengleBells83 View Post

..So why did he purposefully come to the bar 2 nights ago when he KNEW i was there? And why can he still not talk to me?...riddle me this unless hes just trying to get under my skin...
Maybe, but you did say you hurt him really bad. How, I don't know, but at least you're woman enough to admit it.

You hurt him. Hurt him bad. So, think of this as some sort of lashing out at you. Trying to get under your skin. And apparently, it's working because you're posting here. He's in a re-bound and it sucks for that girl because she's being used and doesn't even realize it.

Look, I know you WANT to be friends with him, but that's probably not in the cards. And why would you want to? You're broken up! You owe nothing to him, and he owes nothing to you. Sorry if that sounds harsh. But it is what it is.

Plus, I think that you still have feelings for this guy, so "being friends" probably isn't the best route for you to go.
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Old 17th October 2011, 1:27 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JengleBells83 View Post
Well, shortly after I posted the original message about why does he hate me, etc...I see this post on his facebook wall....

"I may have mentioned this... but damn I love my girlfriend... i thank God, Buddha, Vishnu, Satan, WHOEVER made this happen... Happy as a goddamn clam."


..So why did he purposefully come to the bar 2 nights ago when he KNEW i was there? And why can he still not talk to me?...riddle me this unless hes just trying to get under my skin...
He's doing this because he still has feelings for you. Plus maybe he knew you'd look at his Facebook, so this could be to hurt you. But remember, hatred is not the opposite of love, indifference is! Hating you just goes to show he still has feelings!!!
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Old 17th October 2011, 1:43 PM   #7
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He still has feelings ita obvious as day.But he also behaves very childish for a 31 yearold guy
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Old 17th October 2011, 4:44 PM   #8
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I'm not sure if he "hates" me...it just seems that way because he never answered my texts, and he didn't/ couldn't even speak to me the other night. He does have me blocked on facebook still, but we have a ton of mutual friends, but my best friend told me about what his post said. It seemed a bit overkill to me, maybe hoping that it would get back to me...or i feel like something else may have triggered it...and...his facebook status still says single.

I just don't get it. This guy was INSANELY in love with me- we had marriage and life plan talks together...when he broke up with me he cried for 2 HOURS on the phone, basically acting like he didnt want to do it...then blamed me for things (I was going thru a VERY hard time- my grandfather had died, the medication i was on was making me crazy and hormonal), and I said some things I probably shouldnt have said that were hurtful. But he started seeing this 19 year old immediately that he used to work with who had A MONGO crush on him and basically kisses his ass- and because he works at a bar and she cant get in, she waited in her car for 5 HOURS one night he was working till he got done. His friends all still love me, invite me to their parties, and have checked up on me, they've been great and almost taken my side. I just don't know what to think
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Old 17th October 2011, 8:12 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JengleBells83 View Post
A little background here, my ex and I broke up almost 2 months ago, and we dated for about 4 months prior...and were really good friends for 2 years prior to that. Our breakup was pretty bad, it was basically because I was hard to deal with the last 2 week of the relationship, and really hurt him, which I apologized for, but he started dating someone 4 days after we broke up. So Friday night, my best friend and I (who is also really good friends with my ex boyfriend) went to the bar that he works at..he was not there (i knew he wouldn't be), but I havent been up there since we broke up. Everyone was so excited to see me again, etc. Well, about 2 hours in to us being there, he found out I was there (through facebook or mutual friends that were there), so he strolls in, all dolled up, and I say "Hey, how are you?" all surprised..and all he does is sorta smile and wave. He said nothing to me the rest of the night, but did talk to our friend. He told our friend that he was only there to talk to the bartender (he drove like 45 minutes to get there, and there are cell phones, hello)..and my friend asks my ex if he and I will ever be friends again, to which he replies "i'm not ready...not tonight". And hes basically super awkward with everyone there, didn't look my friend in the eye and was kinda rude to our friend. I guess he sorta has a 19 year old girlfriend (he is 31), but has not changed his facebook status, and has no pictures up of the 2 of them (which isn't a big deal, but it kinda is, you know facebook world)..not to toot my own horn or anything, but he didn't look very happy and was just kinda weird and almost scared. I did catch him looking at me a few times. What is going on with him, and why does he still act like he hates me? I've apologized for everything I did, sincerely, and was super cool and very sweet to him for weeks now, and especially that night. If he had moved on with this new girl, why cant he be decent to me, and want to make things ok between us, at the very least?
I know EXACTLY how you feel... literally the same exact thing happened to me. We had a great relationship up until about a week before the breakup which got kind of rocky because I was still recovering from my eating disorder which I had a year before our relationship, and the medicine I was taking for my headaches/migraines gave me short-term memory loss and made me quite moody so things got a little shaky in our relationship, and he proceeded to break up with me because we "were always fighting" and I was "always upset" and he didn't feel the same way about me anymore. This was an odd thing for him to say because he mentioned marriage to me not too long ago before the breakup and said the sweetest things to me even a day before the breakup. The day he broke up with me, I thought we were going to spend a day in town, but as soon as I drove to meet him he said "we need to talk" and you get the rest. But since the breakup, we have not spoken and he COMPLETELY ignores me when ever I try to initiate contact so I stopped contacting him. He won't even look at me when we run into each other. It's like we never met. He was already with a new girl shortly after the breakup, and he asked her to go steady with him 3 DAYS AFTER MEETING HER. He recently posted a fb status saying "life can't get much better right now!" as if rubbing it in my face that his new girl was better than me. Ever since the breakup he's been acting like he hates me, like I don't exist. I know I may have acted out of control the week up the break-up, and I said some nasty things to him during the break-up that I really regret, but I don't get why someone who was SO close to me and loved me more than anything just stopped caring about me and started acting like he's never talked to me a day in my life. It hurts to be thrown away and replaced like that.
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Old 18th October 2011, 12:34 AM   #10
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Well, now he HAS changed his facebook status. i guess seeing me either triggered him to move forward with his girlfriend, or he just doesn't give a damn either way. He said his "anniversary" date with her was 4 days after we broke up. Its funny how he can "move on" so fast, yet the opportunity arose to see me, and he took it...and he STILL can't talk to me or wish me well, or even be on friendly/decent terms.
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Old 18th October 2011, 6:45 AM   #11
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If it was a bad breakup it makes sense. he wants to make you jealous.
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Old 18th October 2011, 12:25 PM   #12
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Wink

My ex is like that...joke is...I ain't arsed anymore! LOL

He put widowed on his status..and is still having people spy on me...I onthe other hand am trying to live my life despite my illness..and getting on with it...but irrespective of all I've been through this year and upset/tiredness or stress always triggers my illness, he still can't let go.

Sometimes though..they have a game plan...from what you say...he sounds like he has felt too exposed and is now trying to contradict those suggestions by putting the opposite. Do you REALLY believe he loves her? COME ON! I don't know HIM or indeed you, but I KNOW he don't

Much love,

Zabs xx
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