TheDovic Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 Just curious. Has anyone ever been a dumper and thrown breadcrumbs to their ex? If not, any other thoughts are very welcome!!! Link to post Share on other sites
lonelynyc Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 Not a dumper, but I feel like I have a pretty good grasp on why they do it. I'm convinced that throwing breadcrumbs is, most of the time, an ego boost or comfort thing for them. When they do it, they could give a **** about the effect it has on you. I'm not sure if I completely remember the details of your story, but you posted that your ex showed up to your door in tears saying she missed you. Well, sorry to be harsh, but if she missed you (and not just the feeling of having someone) she would have tried to get you back. Same here. My ex was ALWAYS the one to initiate contact with me during my multiple attempts at NC. She would give me that little of glimmer of hope only to renege when she got what she wanted. A breadcrumb isn't a sign of lingering feelings, it's something they throw us to feel the extent of their power over us. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lovesickpuppy Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 In my opinion it's because they're feeling needy and lonely, don't eat the breadcrumb, spit on it and move on! Our exes are feeling empowered right now, so should WE!!! F*CK your breadcrumbs I say, we're better off without you 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SoulFinger Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 Ok my take on it.I think that some dumpers could be obsessive and expect you to bury your feelings and be their friend.Of course this is very selfish and incredible inconsiderate of your needs. I also think that some dumpers aren't completely sure that they want to lose you and they want to keep you close in case they decide they want to reconnect with you.They don't really want you,but they do if that makes sense. They are very selfish,inconsiderate and therefore throwing you breadcrumbs. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Viv Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 Whenever I've split up with someone, I've always told them that I would like to be friends in the future and then left them alone, because I don't want to give them the wrong idea and hurt them again. It seems quite selfish to expect the friendship right away. Link to post Share on other sites
lonelynyc Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 They are very selfish,inconsiderate and therefore throwing you breadcrumbs. You hit the nail on the head. It's a horrible horrible thing to do to someone if your intentions are not to reconcile. Some people are completely indifferent to your suffering, but hey, you live and you learn. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamila Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 Just curious. Has anyone ever been a dumper and thrown breadcrumbs to their ex? If not, any other thoughts are very welcome!!! I was the dumper, but never feed my ex bf breadcrumbs. Instead he has been feeding me breadcrumbs ever since we split. I got messages from him asking me how i was doing, if i were okay, if we should meet for a drink, happy b-day, happy new year, bleh bleh, ... I never ever saw more than breadcrumbs in them, but yeah, they made me feel good. Last time i had my portion of breadcrumbs was 2/3 months ago. Mmmm.... i miss those munchies. But it's true that exes throwing you breadcrumbs are being selfish and inconsiderate. And that they don't want to lose you. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 Just curious. Has anyone ever been a dumper and thrown breadcrumbs to their ex? If not, any other thoughts are very welcome!!! i'm usually the dumper and i never contact or see the ex again unless its by random chance Link to post Share on other sites
eleanorhurting Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 sometimes i think karma is getting me for my past actions. i fed an old boyfriend breadcrumbs for almost 2 years because i couldnt let go of having him around. he was my first real boyfriend and i couldnt let go. of Course that was a horrible thing to do and i can gladly say he is now in a great relationship and im single and in serious need of therapy. Link to post Share on other sites
Surfer Girl Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 She hasn't come to terms that you and her are truelly broken up... she is used to communicating her life to you... unless she truelly wants you back.. she may want the friend zone... Don't go there... she needs to realize it not about her anymore... She may continue feeding you breadcrumbs as long as you let her... She needs to realize.. A break up means letting go completely... and unless she really wants you back and you want her back she needs to know her feeding you breadcrumbs is not enough Link to post Share on other sites
M2155 Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 (edited) I don't know if this counts but I have an ex from a few years ago (we were not exclusive) who chose to settle down with the other girl. Ok fine, I always knew this was a possibility and left on a good note. But after he moved on, he really missed me and tried a couple times to get back involved with me- I am not sure that in any of these instances despite claiming he wasn't happy, that he had broken up with the other girl so I resisted. Anyway, I will totally admit from time to time I contact him just to jog his memory and remind him of the one that got away. He eats it up and tries to talk to me but I stay distant. It's totally ego! (I didn't realize this until I started reading on this forum) and makes me feel better about being dumped back then. Also, I am curious to know how things work out in his current relationship because I like to know how people are doing in general. On another note though, I would genuinely love to be friends with him as there are no feelings on my end, but over the years he's always tries to "get too close" when I do contact him so I guess being friends is out:cool: Edited October 8, 2011 by M2155 Link to post Share on other sites
mike588 Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 I was dumped 2 months ago and so far no breadcrumbs,,, maybe it's out of guilt for how she ended it?? Link to post Share on other sites
M2155 Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 I was dumped 2 months ago and so far no breadcrumbs,,, maybe it's out of guilt for how she ended it?? Put yourself in their shoes Mike, yes for our situation no good can come of breadcrumbs:confused:. They knew exactly what they were doing and the consequences. Link to post Share on other sites
PropertyChaser Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 I think everyone hit it on the head here, it's to ease their guilt, to to have access to you. Whatever. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 I was dumped 2 months ago and so far no breadcrumbs,,, maybe it's out of guilt for how she ended it?? don't flatter yourself, its most likely because she doesn't want to see you again and/or she's with someone else Link to post Share on other sites
mike588 Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 don't flatter yourself, its most likely because she doesn't want to see you again and/or she's with someone else Yea she went back to her ex for the 3rd time,,, I'm jealous, I want some breadcrumbs to!!!!!ha. Link to post Share on other sites
mike588 Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 You don't want breadcrumbs. It's only going to hurt you & give you false hope and prolong the healing. Be grateful that you don't get any breadcrumbs. I know the damage it will cause but for some odd reason it would make me feel like she still cared,, or there was something truely there for me in her heart. Just being dumped and not getting any breadcrumbs makes me feel she never gave a crap,,,, there was nothing ever there. Link to post Share on other sites
sweetypielovely Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 My BF and i just broke up and he told me to give him some time to cool off because he was mad. Now i feel like im waiting for him and he has control. Im keeping busy and i feel everything he said was a lie. I feel foolish myself like he never cared. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 I want some breadcrumbs to!!!!!ha. go to the grocery store, you can buy a tin of breadcrumbs Link to post Share on other sites
mike588 Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 go to the grocery store, you can buy a tin of breadcrumbs Ha, it's good to laugh again! Thanx Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 It makes them feel powerful and they get off on it. Link to post Share on other sites
Marianis Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 my dad told me.. WHY SHOULD YOU LET SOMEONE DECIDE YOUR FUTURE?! .. TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE AND DECIDE YOURSELF.. so **** the breadcrumbs ... who needs that ... really.. we are worth more than that!! ... and if they dont see it then whatever.... ahhh!! .. stupid people that think they can control us.. and leave a door open just in case.. we should close that door and then a window will open!! ... dont you think!? Link to post Share on other sites
leoc1973 Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 I have been on both sides dumper and dumpee. Both 6 year relationships. When I broke up with my ex I cut her off completely. I missed her every day and thought about getting back with her numerous times because I did love her I just knew that I would never have anything with her. She was a compulsive spender! Bills never mattered as long as she got a new 800 dollar purse. We were both middle class and could have easily afforded an 800 dollar purse once in a great while but then next payday would come and she needed a 2000 dollar watch. It went on and on. I loved her to death but she refused to change or get help. I was dying to call her all the time and I never did because it was time to man up and let her move on. Who the hell am I to keep a girl hanging just in case I changed my mind. She is happy now with a really nice guy and I still think of her time to time and wonder what it would be like. But I digress. Ex number 2. She still calls me about once a month and tells me how much she loves me and misses me. What does this do? Well it keeps me thinking that we can work. But then its a month without hearing from her again. Its like every time I am moving on... random text. This last time I didn't tell her I missed her or ask her to hang out. I am done! Sure I still love her but I think I am over the hump! I guess the reason for bread crumbs is only one thing. Not to feed their ego or self esteem or even because they are lonely. In my opinion its all about having a plan B. And no one deserves to be plan B. I mean who could live with themselves knowing that their significant other settled for you! NOT I! Link to post Share on other sites
yzyzyz325 Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 I was the dumper, but never feed my ex bf breadcrumbs. Instead he has been feeding me breadcrumbs ever since we split. I got messages from him asking me how i was doing, if i were okay, if we should meet for a drink, happy b-day, happy new year, bleh bleh, ... I never ever saw more than breadcrumbs in them, but yeah, they made me feel good. Last time i had my portion of breadcrumbs was 2/3 months ago. Mmmm.... i miss those munchies. But it's true that exes throwing you breadcrumbs are being selfish and inconsiderate. And that they don't want to lose you. Hi Kamila, I think you are quite lucky that ur ex is very friendly and nice. May i know why you broke up with him? and what do you feel about ur ex now? annoying? Link to post Share on other sites
Mack05 Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 (edited) Dovic, I haven't read the other replies but here is my opinion. I think one of three things go through a dumpers mind after a break-up.. 1) For one reason or another they are glad it's over. They have wanted the breakup for awhile and there is a sense of relief now that the relationship is over. The probably have no interest in being friends (some do as they have completely emotionally detached). 2) You have a big fight and in the heat of the moment you break-up. After a few days reflection the Dumper realises they have made a HUGE mistake. This is one of my own personal biggest flaws (reacting without thinking in a big fight). Sometimes the dumpee forgives you when you beg them to take you back, sometimes they say enough is enough as you have pushed them too far (the dumpee will ask to be left alone). Either way Dovic (if given the opportunity) the dumper will make it VERY VERY clear that they made a mistake and they will have no problem begging for another chance. 3) The dumper will be in a confused state after the breakup. Facing the word alone sucks. They have to face what's called the 'Fear'. Many people in their 30's after a breakup/time apart will get back together and try make a relationship work, because they are afraid of being alone. They are afraid they will never meet a person like their ex. The thing is, many times their ex is actually not the right person for them. People kid themselves, I will change, my ex will change, anything to avoid this 'fear' of being alone. These relationships tend to fail in the long run. Right now your ex is in a confused state. She is not happy in her own life. When you are not happy it's impossible to be in a relationship with anybody (I wish this point would sink in with you). Not only that, when you are alone and unhappy you reach out to your safety net. A person that makes you feel safe and secure. This is what is called 'The breadcrumb'. You don't know if you want to get back with your ex. What you know is that you miss them, you turn to them because you are sad and lonely. Would she turn to you if she was out having fun with her mates, if her job was going well and was happy overall in her life? Hell no!!!The ex's that give out breadcrumbs are not happy in their own lives, but are not sure if they ever want to get back together. They will yoyo and flip/flop day to day. One minute they think they might want to get back together, the next day they are sure they made the right choice. That is why getting back with an ex who is clearly in a confused state ends up being heartbreaking 99% of the time. I have said it over and over again to you but it's just not sinking in to you mate. Explain to your ex, the relationship is over and that you cannot be friends with her and that you do not want to hear from her again. Tell her you are sorry if that is hurtful, but you have to take yourself now. I promise you mate after 2 months on her own she will figure out what she wants and you can then get out of limbo! If it turns out to be that she wants to get back together, then you can talk to her about how crucial it is she gets her own happiness back, before you to get involved again seriously. When is all this going to sink in mate? Edited October 9, 2011 by Mack05 Link to post Share on other sites
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