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Why do they act like they care about you but then do things to hurt you?


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

Old 24th May 2011, 11:19 PM   #1
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Why do they act like they care about you but then do things to hurt you?

My ex claims to care a lot about me. I am the best thing that has happened to him in his life thus far. Even his friends have told me that and they've seen a change in him for the better. But then he breaks up with me, lies, dates others, but still says he cares for me. WHY DO THEY DO THIS!?!?!?! There is nothing else he could possibly want, I am a very good catch. Why do guys not see this? Or why do they realize it later? They are so stupid!
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Old 24th May 2011, 11:27 PM   #2
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People change.
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Old 25th May 2011, 12:33 AM   #3
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Partially because some men do not know what they want. They say one thing but mean another. Like EgoJoe said people change. Ya it sucks but what can you do......
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Old 25th May 2011, 1:28 AM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sweetblubrry View Post
My ex claims to care a lot about me. I am the best thing that has happened to him in his life thus far. Even his friends have told me that and they've seen a change in him for the better. But then he breaks up with me, lies, dates others, but still says he cares for me. WHY DO THEY DO THIS!?!?!?! There is nothing else he could possibly want, I am a very good catch. Why do guys not see this? Or why do they realize it later? They are so stupid!
It is wellknown THAT guys do this, it is just simply UNKNOWN why they do it.
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Old 25th May 2011, 2:38 AM   #5
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Ha, it's not just guys that do this. Women do it too.

I've always put this down to guilt. They feel somewhat guilty over their treatment of you (us) and to get past those feelings they say all these nice things. It's not to make you feel better, but to make them feel better. Afterall, if they did care about your feelings, they wouldn't be leaving or hurting you in this way.

Plus, sometimes we all never realise what we've got until we lose it. We get used to something being there that we take it for granted. It's only once it's gone for good that we miss it, but by then it's too late.
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Old 25th May 2011, 2:47 AM   #6
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Ha, it's not just guys that do this. Women do it too.

I've always put this down to guilt. They feel somewhat guilty over their treatment of you (us) and to get past those feelings they say all these nice things. It's not to make you feel better, but to make them feel better. Afterall, if they did care about your feelings, they wouldn't be leaving or hurting you in this way.

Plus, sometimes we all never realise what we've got until we lose it. We get used to something being there that we take it for granted. It's only once it's gone for good that we miss it, but by then it's too late.
Hehe its easy to generalize things huh? But I think what you're sayings true in a lot of cases (men and women). Thank God for the people who don't act like this and thank God that not everone (even the ones that act this mean) has bad intentions!

I have to admit, I hate being mean to ppl therefore I'll sometimes say things I dont really mean. I'm working on that though, I don't want to be the person you're describing right now!
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Old 25th May 2011, 2:53 AM   #7
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Sometimes people we love do bad things. I'm sure he cares about. I care about you. What matters is how you feel overall. If, overall, you get upset when you're with him - and texts and emails and Facebook and what not contact are all ways of being with him - you have three main choices:

1. Put up with it - do nothing, hope he or you will change
2. Do something about it - stop contacting and being in contact with him
3. Ask him to do something about it - tell him what hurts you and what you'd like him to do about it

It's your choice, and you may well end up doing all three eventually.
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Old 25th May 2011, 10:16 AM   #8
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Originally Posted by betterdeal View Post
Sometimes people we love do bad things. I'm sure he cares about. I care about you. What matters is how you feel overall. If, overall, you get upset when you're with him - and texts and emails and Facebook and what not contact are all ways of being with him - you have three main choices:

1. Put up with it - do nothing, hope he or you will change
2. Do something about it - stop contacting and being in contact with him
3. Ask him to do something about it - tell him what hurts you and what you'd like him to do about it

It's your choice, and you may well end up doing all three eventually.
i went through the same thing with my ex. and after doing all of the above as betterdeal outlined above i completely gave up and went NC. whether he was doing it out of guilt or not, it was still making me miserable i don't want to be someone's charity case.

what really hit me hard is when i did #3 and told him how much it hurt to be treated that way, he turned it around on me saying i was trying to change him and made him feel like he couldn't be himself around me! whatever. as much as i love him and still miss him i don't miss the mind games!
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Old 25th May 2011, 11:48 PM   #9
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i went through the same thing with my ex. and after doing all of the above as betterdeal outlined above i completely gave up and went NC. whether he was doing it out of guilt or not, it was still making me miserable i don't want to be someone's charity case.

what really hit me hard is when i did #3 and told him how much it hurt to be treated that way, he turned it around on me saying i was trying to change him and made him feel like he couldn't be himself around me! whatever. as much as i love him and still miss him i don't miss the mind games!

I'm going to go with about every poster on here and say they do it out of guilt. They don't care about us, they care about themselves and how they look and feel. They will say anything to make themselves feel better. Clearly, when actions do not match words is when we should realize they aren't worth our time.

Radiodarcy, it's interesting you say that is because my ex did the same thing when he broke up with me -freaked out and said I never told him what he did bothered me (which was a lie) and then said that I was trying to change him and couldn't have faith in him enough to talk to him...men are stupid
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Old 26th May 2011, 8:01 AM   #10
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Originally Posted by MissMoni View Post
I'm going to go with about every poster on here and say they do it out of guilt. They don't care about us, they care about themselves and how they look and feel. They will say anything to make themselves feel better. Clearly, when actions do not match words is when we should realize they aren't worth our time.

Radiodarcy, it's interesting you say that is because my ex did the same thing when he broke up with me -freaked out and said I never told him what he did bothered me (which was a lie) and then said that I was trying to change him and couldn't have faith in him enough to talk to him...men are stupid
yeah, my ex drove me nuts. i told him several times how much it bothered me to hear him talk about other girls - - whether it was waxing poetic about his ex wife (right after we had sex!) or talking about how some girl gave him his phone number the other night. each time he would apologize, saying he wanted to respect my feelings; then he would turn around and do it again - - which clearly showed that he didn't! and as for him accusing me of trying to change him that's a load of bull! all i did was tell him how i felt -- which he encouraged me to do in the first place, saying it wasn't good to keep things inside. so i did and he made me feel guilty over it saying i made him uncomfortable and he didn't feel like he could be himself around me anymore. mind you this is the same man who said that in his experience, most women are liars .

it's like you said when their actions don't meet their words that's when we need to realize that they're not worth our time...
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Old 26th May 2011, 9:06 AM   #11
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Originally Posted by sweetblubrry View Post
My ex claims to care a lot about me. I am the best thing that has happened to him in his life thus far. Even his friends have told me that and they've seen a change in him for the better. But then he breaks up with me, lies, dates others, but still says he cares for me. WHY DO THEY DO THIS!?!?!?! There is nothing else he could possibly want, I am a very good catch. Why do guys not see this? Or why do they realize it later? They are so stupid!
immaturity or deeper level issue IE borderline personality disorder
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Old 26th May 2011, 2:33 PM   #12
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Better deal I can totally relate to the number 1. I expected him to change I hoped he would change and did he? No of course not I really,really wish I would of did 2. I think quite honestly if I had followed your advice and pretty much everyone who pretty much said the same thing that you said maybe I wouldn't of gotten so hurt and maybe just maybe if I had dumped him I could of easily gotten over him and not keep thinking about him but of course he never changed he kept being the same person he always was and he finally just left and left me in the cold. God how stupid am I.....
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Old 26th May 2011, 5:21 PM   #13
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No at all. You may have been burnt but every fire is a lesson learnt.
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Old 26th May 2011, 5:25 PM   #14
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Good perspective.
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