Update and I almost contacted but didn't

[MyHeartHurtsOuch]

So for those of you who have followed my story here is an update.

 

Remember that I had written my ex's best friend to basically apologize and to make peace with him...well my friend read the message and she said that it could be taken as though i am hitting on him....i was like WTF really. So I re-read it and i guess i mean telling someone nice things about themselves may come across as hitting on them. But A- i would never in my wildest dreams hit on that guy B- i would never hit on an ex's friends

 

so it kinda threw me off being that he (the friend) never responded.

 

so i messages him again (I know I know) and i was like hey i was pretty emotional when i wrote that and i just wanted to make sure it made sense all i meant was "sorry for being closed off and best of luck"

 

so he still didnt write back...no clue why not and honestly i find it kinda rude. my ex isnt the type of guy to tell someone not to write back to me or etc. so i know this guy probably told my ex about the message but decided for himself not to reply.

 

anyway-i'm going to leave it alone now. I wanted to write my ex an email and be like look this wasnt meant to be anything but to have it all out in open this is what i wrote etc. b/c i had a fear that maybe my ex thought i was hitting on his friend and then he would never ever come back to me...but then i thought about it this way...if my ex thinks i would ever do that then he doesnt know me..and that means he's not for me anyway

 

 

okay next, as i was driving home from church i see my ex driving. i wanted to slow down so he could see my car and think of me...but then i didn't cause i didn't want to A- see him and B- see a girl in the car (if that were the case) so i didn't but it did throw me off cause then i started with the where is he going? i wish he were with me and etc

 

i then later got on my fb and his sister had posted av video and everyone commented on it. i never get on my fb anymore on the actual computer, only via phone to avoid seeing my ex's comments etc but i ended up seeing his comment and picture.

 

his picture was of him at a volleyball tournament (to remind you guys during the break up he started playing vball 5 times a week and saying how much he loves his freedom and doesnt have to worry about anything and gets to play all day and night without having to worry about me getting mad or upset that he's not spending time with me)

 

so anyway....his comment on her video got me thinking...he said 'OMFG that's funny'...now to other people this may just be whatever...but to me it says much more. I'm a very religious person, a Christian...and before he and i dated he was an atheist...this is the main reason why I think we didn't work out. The incompatible beliefs....and while together he was very open to learn about Christianity (he grew up Catholic) and we even prayed together a few times a day....well him saying OMFG showed me that he went right back to who he really is...who he was before.

 

It makes me realize that although he now knows how offensive a simple thing like that is, he wrote it anyway (not that he knows i would have seen it) what i mean is that religion is the last thing on his mind again.

 

So anyway, i hope that will help me see things better.

 

I wanted to write him a letter yesterday..a two part letter. one part about how much i have changed and worked on myself (all the mistakes i made in the relationship and second part kinda saying that hey you hurt me and your actions during the break up were very painful...

 

and i was going to text him and say hey i wrote you a letter should i a- email it b-mail it -c- keep it d-leave it on my door

 

 

and whatever...and i did want to see which option he chose

 

But i didnt write the letter NOR did i text him

 

i keep having this thing where i cant seem to understand how he doesnt miss me...but then i realize how constricted he felt in what we had cause i have standards and well rules to live be and he wants none of that. So he has GIGS...

 

i keep counting the days..like for instance by tues it will be exactly one month since we stopped talking and hadnt seen each other...and i need to realize that he's not sitting there counting..he's just living.

[geegirl]

And you need to start living too. Leave the friend alone. Leave him alone. Stop writing letters to rewrite and explain wrongs from your last letter. You'll never stop trying to rewrite every wrong step, wrong word, wrong intent that comes to mind. Stop digging the hole deeper and deeper for yourself.

 

It's not a question of GIGS. It may just mean that both of you want different things in life. It's not because the grass is greener but just that his priorities and needs in life are changing and he's moving on to what fulfills his life. He doesn't miss you because his feelings have changed. Just because we miss them, we can project wondering why they can't miss us. They just don't or may still do but not as invested as we are.

Edited May 22, 2011 by geegirl

[PelicanPete]

Well, I think you're handling it fine!

 

Your ex's friend probably doesn't want to get involved with the break up which is why he isn't responding, especially if its a guy. He's kind of just obeying the "guy code" so don't worry too much about that.

 

 

I can relate to your ex's change in vocabulary. When my ex and I were together I asked her not to swear because she used it every other sentence and it's not very attractive to me, so she stopped swearing. When she broke up with me though, she not only started swearing, but swearing at me just because she knew it bothered me . It hurts at first, but I guess frowning upon it helps you realize they aren't the right person for you.

 

As for writing your ex letters, if you have the urge to write something about the break up please write it. It's important to get those thoughts and emotions out of your head on paper.It caused me to see things from different perspectives and move on faster. I wrote out tons about my feelings towards the break up, but never sent any to my ex. NEVER send any to your ex either. If you want the satisfaction of sending it to someone, you can post it in this thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t117844/

[MyHeartHurtsOuch]

I agree and i am just going to leave it all alone. i do miss him and i'm sad about it all but i know that right now hes having a blast being single and not answering to anyone.

 

I live in an area with like tons of beautiful single girls all around. I don't know but if i were a young single guy I would love it here.

 

BUT they are all younger...its a college place...so like these girls he's with are all about 22-26

 

I don't think he'll ever come back to me. I think he realized what we had and living the way we did was just super not for him.