Anna86 Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 Hi guys!! So, tonight I will go on my first serious date with a guy since I broke up with my ex a couple of months ago. I have not been in contact with ex for a couple of weeks and we are no longer friends. He is seeing some new girl now. I am no longer in love with him but I still have some leftover feelings for him (they are fading slowly). Thing is, I don't FEEL ready to date even though I want to date! I like the idea of getting dressed up, meeting a nice guy, flirting and just getting out there but I am terrified of getting into a relationship. I have met many nice guys since break up, and gone for a coffee with some guys. But, I was so wrapped up in my ex and in contact with him that I wasn't even nervous or worried about how the date went. I feel so weird going on this date tonight. I am scared of what his intentions are. I don't want to be romantically/physically involved with anyone yet. But, I would be happy for something to develop overtime. Like, maybe become friends and see where it goes. I can't explain or understand why I am so freaked out to meet him again. I met him in a bar (usually big no no, but he seemed nice). Honestly, I want to just take the easy option and chill out with the girls and watch a movie, not go on a date. But I feel under pressure to do this as I need to move on fully from ex. He is seeing someone now so maybe I should try do the same. Maybe I could like this guy if I get to know him. I know this might sound immature. I guess this should be on the dating section but I am still so caught up with the break up that it feels better here..... Anyone else feel the same?? Link to post Share on other sites
LoveHurts89 Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 I don't have a date lined up or anything, but I know I'd feel the same. I'm completely hung up at the moment, holding on to every morsel of hope. Building hope for something that isn't even there. For me, it's about trust. I don't feel like I can ever trust anybody again. I gave my all to him, and he has hurt me more than I ever imagined I could hurt. I don't think I could trust anybody with my heart again only to repeat this pain. Link to post Share on other sites
Kodo Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 I know I'd feel exactly the same. It's easy to ignore those little things when you have a partner who won't care or notice them. But with someone new, it's hard to appreciate yourself. I sincerely wish you a good date. I hope you enjoy it and even if it doesn't lead to knew things I hope it diverts your attention to dating in general. Be honest, admit you're a little nervous if you have to. Don't say why of course, but enjoy yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 Well, you need to be honest and upfront with this guy at the beginning of the date. That you're not looking for a relationship right now; however, you would enjoy his company and are looking forward to having a good time going out. There you have it! The guy knows where he stands and you're being honest and fair with him. By doing this, in my opinion, takes a lot of the stress off the evening. If you go out and you are stressed and not relaxed because you don't know what his expectations are, he's gonna feel it and it's going to stress him out too. Don't worry, you'll be fine and enjoy yourself! Link to post Share on other sites
JasonRules Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 Actually don't exclude anything. Don't say that you're not looking for a relationship right now. Maybe in 3 weeks you'll change your mind. Just go out, relax, have fun, and most of all laugh and smile. Don't you miss those times? No drama, just having fun, new opportunities, no more agony and crying? Live life...it's passing right before your eyes. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 Just go out and have a fun night. Don't have any expectations. Enjoy his company and don't talk about the past or the ex. No heavy topics or speaking of the future and what you want...just the "now". Keep it light! Let us know how it goes! Girl, get that cute dress on and don't forget the shoes! Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 Yes! Shoes! Apparently they're important to women...hee...hee... Sorry, just funnin. You just go have fun! Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 I believe sometimes they're important to men too wink*wink*! Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 What's wrong with my Chuck Taylor's? Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 What's wrong with my Chuck Taylor's? Nothing wrong! All it needs is a little bit of imagination and those Chuckies can do wonders too! Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 Bejewel them? I'm on it! LOL! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Anna86 Posted May 9, 2011 Author Share Posted May 9, 2011 Hey guys!!! THANK YOU for your AWESOME replies:) I was already on the date as you replied...It went well.....However, one minute I was attracted to him, the next I wasn't as I was thinking about my ex. He was really nice but I am very very wary of men since break up. I felt he was too touchy for me and it freaked me out. He noticed and asked me why I pulled away every time he touched (I mean non pervy, like touching arm or hand, nothing too personal)...he said he noticed how distant I act and how I move away if he moves closer.....Honestly, it is soooo hard to feel close to someone else if you are getting over someone. I am not ready for dating even though I am well able to flirt and act cool, I think it will surface that I am not happy and am uncomfortable after an hour or two. Its weird, he called me the same pet name as my ex did (its random, I have no idea how he picked up on it, its not common) and flirted with me the same way. He complimented me the same way and told me why he liked me. The exact same things as my e....Kind of makes me sad as maybe this is how men flirt with all girls and my ex and him are like every other guy. I thought my ex saw something different in me. Turns out this guy sees the same....Hmmm......Oh well!! Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 Hey guys!!! THANK YOU for your AWESOME replies:) I was already on the date as you replied...It went well.....However, one minute I was attracted to him, the next I wasn't as I was thinking about my ex. He was really nice but I am very very wary of men since break up. I felt he was too touchy for me and it freaked me out. He noticed and asked me why I pulled away every time he touched (I mean non pervy, like touching arm or hand, nothing too personal)...he said he noticed how distant I act and how I move away if he moves closer.....Honestly, it is soooo hard to feel close to someone else if you are getting over someone. I am not ready for dating even though I am well able to flirt and act cool, I think it will surface that I am not happy and am uncomfortable after an hour or two. Its weird, he called me the same pet name as my ex did (its random, I have no idea how he picked up on it, its not common) and flirted with me the same way. He complimented me the same way and told me why he liked me. The exact same things as my e....Kind of makes me sad as maybe this is how men flirt with all girls and my ex and him are like every other guy. I thought my ex saw something different in me. Turns out this guy sees the same....Hmmm......Oh well!! It's normal to compare, especially from a recent break up. That's why I don't date, at least for now until my feelings are gone. I just believe I won't give the next person or myself a 100% chance because I'm sorta clouded. I want to be able to gauge someone with a clear head and heart. If you are not ready, it's perfectly fine to step back and focus on other things and yourself. You'll know when it's right. You'll have the itchy dating bug! I'm beginning to feel it but want to wait and be sure. If you feel that maybe you might want to give it a second go with this guy try it. If after the second date, it still stirs up feelings of your ex, maybe it's not quite the time yet. The good thing is that you're stepping out there. Great first steps moving forward! Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 I think that you have to lose the stigma of calling it a date. I would look at it as going out and having a good time and you have to convince yourself that! It's okay to have fun! (just not too much fun). And you know what? It's okay not to be ready to date yet. You know what your comfort level is, just take it to that level. Link to post Share on other sites
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