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Once you have decided you don't want ex back.....


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

Old 29th December 2010, 8:48 AM   #1
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Once you have decided you don't want ex back.....

I think it's almost funny how once we realize we're ok and don't even want an ex back that is when they contact us. I have been thinking about this and how to stay strong in my resolve if/when I hear from my ex. This is what I have been doing....

1) When I start thinking or analyzing, I play in my head all the things that I didn't like about her. I mean the real deal breakers, the things I know I want in a relationship. I think it's important to balance this with the good times and things you also liked about your ex so you don't become bitter.

2) I talk to myself as if I am having a conversation with her telling her why I don't want her back (as if she called me and is asking for another chance). I think of all the things she might say to me and then offer my reasons why it won't work. I explain to her the things that are critical to me in a relationship and how those are things that I won't be able to get with her. I also explain that I truly gave it my best yet she wasn't happy and perhaps there is someone out there who could do a better job for her.

One of the benefits of this.... IF you do hear from an ex you will have already practiced responses. Personally, I think I would talk to my ex IF she beat my door down- but it would be with my practiced conversation. A side benefit of this (as opposed to staying NC when the ex beats your door down) is that you are able to take the power back and actually become the dumper (but not in a mean vindictive way).

Stay strong folks!! Remember, MOST of the time there is absolutely NO reason for you to get back with an ex. EVERYTIME I have done it there has been more pain and heartache than necessary.
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Old 29th December 2010, 9:08 AM   #2
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Lol, I have conversations with myself and what I would say if I hear from him. Usually by the time they come back, you'll forget the conversations you had with yourself and just slam the door in their face.
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Old 29th December 2010, 9:13 AM   #3
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Originally Posted by Karma20 View Post
Usually by the time they come back, you'll forget the conversations you had with yourself and just slam the door in their face.
Haha! That image just made me laugh for the first time today. Thanks!
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Old 29th December 2010, 9:26 AM   #4
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Haha! That image just made me laugh for the first time today. Thanks!
You're welcome
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Old 29th December 2010, 10:24 AM   #5
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It's not the voices in my head that are bothering me... It's the voices I am hearing in your head!

If you knew what they were telling me to do... you would be afraid... very afraid!

Any ideas on what I should do about it?

On a serious note...

Break ups make us all crazy... But you learn so much about yourself and the personal growth that comes from them makes you a smarter. better person.
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Old 29th December 2010, 2:33 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LifeIsGreat View Post
I think it's almost funny how once we realize we're ok and don't even want an ex back that is when they contact us. I have been thinking about this and how to stay strong in my resolve if/when I hear from my ex. This is what I have been doing....

1) When I start thinking or analyzing, I play in my head all the things that I didn't like about her. I mean the real deal breakers, the things I know I want in a relationship. I think it's important to balance this with the good times and things you also liked about your ex so you don't become bitter.

2) I talk to myself as if I am having a conversation with her telling her why I don't want her back (as if she called me and is asking for another chance). I think of all the things she might say to me and then offer my reasons why it won't work. I explain to her the things that are critical to me in a relationship and how those are things that I won't be able to get with her. I also explain that I truly gave it my best yet she wasn't happy and perhaps there is someone out there who could do a better job for her.

One of the benefits of this.... IF you do hear from an ex you will have already practiced responses. Personally, I think I would talk to my ex IF she beat my door down- but it would be with my practiced conversation. A side benefit of this (as opposed to staying NC when the ex beats your door down) is that you are able to take the power back and actually become the dumper (but not in a mean vindictive way).

Stay strong folks!! Remember, MOST of the time there is absolutely NO reason for you to get back with an ex. EVERYTIME I have done it there has been more pain and heartache than necessary.
Dude, you're very good at this. Have you thought about counseling others? How did you become so knowledgable with this? I think you're techniques are awesome, and I will actually steal a couple of them for people I work with, if you don't mind.
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Old 29th December 2010, 3:45 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by Breakupguy12 View Post
Dude, you're very good at this. Have you thought about counseling others? How did you become so knowledgable with this? I think you're techniques are awesome, and I will actually steal a couple of them for people I work with, if you don't mind.
Thanks. And yes, I went to the school of Hard Knocks (a.k.a.- F.U.) Just like everybody, I have been an idiot in the past and have been with idiots. It took me a while (I'm 45) to realize some stuff. I have read so much and have been so open minded to becoming a better person. However, it doesn't take the pain away when you're heart gets broken. Everyone has pain in life--it's what you do with that pain that counts.
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Old 29th December 2010, 3:53 PM   #8
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Thanks. And yes, I went to the school of Hard Knocks (a.k.a.- F.U.) Just like everybody, I have been an idiot in the past and have been with idiots. It took me a while (I'm 45) to realize some stuff. I have read so much and have been so open minded to becoming a better person. However, it doesn't take the pain away when you're heart gets broken. Everyone has pain in life--it's what you do with that pain that counts.
With all the wisdom coming from you.... I just knew you were a 22 year old kid. Go figure!

I love being 38 and having the knowledge and wisdom I now possess. You couldn't pay be to go back to being 21 again... (Well if I get to keep what I know now... Then HECK YEAH! Sign me up!)
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Old 29th December 2010, 7:42 PM   #9
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Love your way of thinking, LifeIsGreat. It's called foreseeing calamity.

Quote:
Originally Posted by LifeIsGreat View Post
I think it's almost funny how once we realize we're ok and don't even want an ex back that is when they contact us. I have been thinking about this and how to stay strong in my resolve if/when I hear from my ex. This is what I have been doing....

1) When I start thinking or analyzing, I play in my head all the things that I didn't like about her. I mean the real deal breakers, the things I know I want in a relationship. I think it's important to balance this with the good times and things you also liked about your ex so you don't become bitter.

2) I talk to myself as if I am having a conversation with her telling her why I don't want her back (as if she called me and is asking for another chance). I think of all the things she might say to me and then offer my reasons why it won't work. I explain to her the things that are critical to me in a relationship and how those are things that I won't be able to get with her. I also explain that I truly gave it my best yet she wasn't happy and perhaps there is someone out there who could do a better job for her.

One of the benefits of this.... IF you do hear from an ex you will have already practiced responses. Personally, I think I would talk to my ex IF she beat my door down- but it would be with my practiced conversation. A side benefit of this (as opposed to staying NC when the ex beats your door down) is that you are able to take the power back and actually become the dumper (but not in a mean vindictive way).

Stay strong folks!! Remember, MOST of the time there is absolutely NO reason for you to get back with an ex. EVERYTIME I have done it there has been more pain and heartache than necessary.
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Old 29th December 2010, 7:47 PM   #10
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You guys have the best advice about handling a breakup. I am 30 and this is my first true love, I thought it was in the past but now I know what it truly means to care about someone more than yourself. I have taken alot of crap in the hopes that my ex would see that I am totally committed. Now its back to NC and hoping to never hearing from her.

However if those of us look at our glass half full then we would all see a new year, with EVERY opportunity for new friends, experiences, and possibly that new special someone in our lives. I was the discarded like an old rag, but the same qualities that attracted my ex will attract another woman, and this goes for all of my fellow LS'rs male or female..
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Old 29th December 2010, 8:00 PM   #11
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Originally Posted by coltsfan1 View Post
You guys have the best advice about handling a breakup. I am 30 and this is my first true love, I thought it was in the past but now I know what it truly means to care about someone more than yourself. I have taken alot of crap in the hopes that my ex would see that I am totally committed. Now its back to NC and hoping to never hearing from her.

However if those of us look at our glass half full then we would all see a new year, with EVERY opportunity for new friends, experiences, and possibly that new special someone in our lives. I was the discarded like an old rag, but the same qualities that attracted my ex will attract another woman, and this goes for all of my fellow LS'rs male or female..
Dude, now you got it!!!! That's exactly the way to look at it. Just remember that now, and in the future. Love will come, and love will go. All relationships end--- either by the whim of one, the other, both, or death.
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Old 30th December 2010, 12:08 AM   #12
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I don't get it.

Just for the benefit of discussion:

So, I have really decided I really don't want my ex back, even if she actually begged me to get back together.

Why should I rehearse the words I'd use if-when she contacts me?

Why should I justify and reaffirm (if only for myself) the reasons not to get back with her?

Isn't that an indicator that I am not yet over my ex as I'd like to think myself?

Of course, you use to think about the things that went wrong in your relationship, but isn't a bit too much to rig an entire conversation over these reasons and, worse, actually having this conversation with an ex?

Take in mind I respect any valid, legal, moral and mature method of coping with a break up so I am not entirely disagreeing with you...
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Old 30th December 2010, 12:33 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by coltsfan1 View Post
You guys have the best advice about handling a breakup. I am 30 and this is my first true love, I thought it was in the past but now I know what it truly means to care about someone more than yourself. I have taken alot of crap in the hopes that my ex would see that I am totally committed. Now its back to NC and hoping to never hearing from her.

However if those of us look at our glass half full then we would all see a new year, with EVERY opportunity for new friends, experiences, and possibly that new special someone in our lives. I was the discarded like an old rag, but the same qualities that attracted my ex will attract another woman, and this goes for all of my fellow LS'rs male or female..



I LOVE THIS! The right person will come along. I have to keep believing that.
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