Can they really just suddenly see you as a friend?

[josyjosy]

So i havent posted here in a while. Its still been a rollercoaster since my ex and i broke up 9 months ago but i am better now. We were together for 2 years. Each others' first loves.

 

Today at work, my friend and i were talking about exes and she mentioned how her ex and her have been broken up but after the break up, they've done stuff like kissing and other intimate stuff. And then it got me thinking, of course, shortly after the break up, maybe a week or two after, my ex and i would still kiss but that stopped. Since we decided to remain friends, i still saw him for a few months (we would talk and hang out everyday) until i decided to go NC coz it was hurting me too much. At some points in those 3-4 months, we didnt do anything intimate. Once in a while, we would hold hands then let go or put arms around each other then let go. But there was a point that i tried to kiss him. I wasnt really trying to make out with him, i just miss him and i tried kissing him and he would pull away. I remember at the time i kept thinking, is he disgusted by me? So i did ask him why he wouldnt and he said its coz he knows its gonna hurt me more.

 

So i know it shouldnt matter now but it really made me sad while talking to my friend earlier. Im not saying i wanted my ex to do something intimate with me because i know it the end that couldve hurt me more. But the fact that he didnt even attempt to be intimate with me or even kiss me, does that mean he was suddenly disgusted by me? His reason for breaking up with me was the whole i love you but im not in love with you as much as i used to. He said i was becoming more of a friend than someone he sees romantically. So is it possible for people to just switch like that? I mean, i cant help but think that the reason he wouldnt let me kiss me is that all of a sudden, i became just a regular female friend to him? That whenever i tried kissing him, he would refuse coz he felt like a regular girl buddy is trying to kiss him? Or did he really just cared about me that he didnt want to hurt me?

 

I dont know. This whole thing made me really depressed all of a sudden. I just wanna know if its possible that people can suddenly switch from seeing you as their girlfriend to just a regular friend that he cant even kiss?

[skydiveaddict]

His reason for breaking up with me was the whole i love you but im not in love with you

 

 

My God, what a wuss. That's the typical FEMALE line. Be glad you're rid of him. Don't drag this out any further. Tell him to leave you alone, so you can find a real man.

Edited December 10, 2010 by skydiveaddict

[dreamer0123]

No way!!

 

I think your ex didn't want to hurt you- and was scared to send you mixed signals which is why he didn't get close to you after you broke up. Seriously it's a blessing... some people want the physical without the commitment which confuses the dumpee.

 

It's not worth the pain.. it sets you back.

[fiat500]

They only suddenly see you as a "friend" (but really it's a step down from a friend) if you accept their offer of less than friend right away after the break up. They use you to heal themselves and while they heal and make you feel miserable they see you less and less as a person.

 

The lesson is to never accept friendship from an ex who has dumped you unless you want to be looked at as sub-par by someone. And no one ever wants that.

[Eddie Edirol]

You dont suddenly become a friend in his eyes, he has slowly lost attraction to you as time went on. You just didnt notice it right away. Theres some thing(s) about you he doesnt like, and he doesnt feel the relationship is worth saving. People are cowards, he probably wont tell you what it is about you that killed his attraction. You can ask, but he probably wont tell you.

[durkadurka]

In my experience no one just sees the other as a friend. My ex who, god bless her soul, dumped me, even confesses that she's still extremely attracted to me.

 

They can say they want you as a friend but it doesn't mean they feel the same way towards you as they might towards another friend.

 

I agree with fiat 500, never settle. I'd rather walk out a man than a pansy.

[Movingthrough]

I think your feelings are normal, I'm finding out that it all comes down to the simple fact of almost like rejection. To mentally deal with the fact that someone doesnt look at you the same as they used to is one of the hardest parts.

 

Funny thing is, do you really want to be with someone that doesnt feel the same? I know its easier said then done but its something to think about.