We have a child together 1 year old: I think I'm falling out of love

[kryse63]

I knew my bf for 8 years. We have a child together 1 year old. He is very jealous and I don't trust him. I feel like I'm falling out of love. If we broke up I would miss him very much. I feel we aren't meant to be. What should I tell him? Or how should I tell him?

[Tony T]

You have eight years invested with the guy. If you are very sure you don't want to be with him anymore, speak to him and make arrangements to part. If you feel there is a chance the relationship can be saved, both of you should see a counsellor. Maybe the reasons for his jealousy and lack of trustworthiness can be explored in therapy and corrected. Understand that you will NEVER have a relationship that goes perfectly all the time. And also understand that after eight years it's very hard to have the same kind of fireworks feelings for somebody you had earlier in the relationship. Hopefully you will get a sense of committment in your next relationship that will enable you to work through difficult times and not be so disappointment when the passion wears down from earlier highs.

 

Good luck to you.

[grounded]

Have you talked with him first about the fact you are concerned about your relationship? Why not let him know you want to talk about how things are, if you have not already? Maybe give him a heads up with a few specifics about things that concern you so he can gather his thoughts prior to talking about it. Make sure he understands the seriousness of things and that you are seriously considering ending it. I would not make into a one-time conversation. After all those years, there are probably a lot of angles to this. You may need to have several talks, with enough time in between to calm down and think things through. I would not end it until y'all have taken time to voice concerns and talk it out.

 

If there are things that he does that may be leading to you falling out of love, give him a chance to improve. And let him know if he is not improving enough. Even if it is not him, I would not end it out of the blue and suddenlty cut off all contact. That would be brutal after such a long time together. Others may view this differently, but this is my 2 cents.

[Stone]

Love is like seasons emotions change. and you probably won't feel that "1st love feeling all the time" but relationships are work ( especially when you have so much time invested and children) but if you have other issues maby you should try discussing them with a theripist. 8 years is a long time and you do have a child togeather so you should have a good relationship regardless if your going to stay togeather or not.

 

One question though after 8 years and a child why is he still your boyfriend? Are/We're you guys considering marriage?

[flsgirl]

Well, all I have to say is talk to him about it. Don't just break it off without any sort of explanation. That's what happened to me, and because of that I'm extremely hurt and betrayed.

 

If you honestly believe that you don't love this person anymore, tell him and be honest. Be respectful and tactful and calm. It's worse to let something go on over time and you're leading him on as well as lying to him about your feelings. You will be better off.