Marina09 Posted March 1, 2010 Share Posted March 1, 2010 This story is a little confusing so please let me know if you have any doubts. I found this website exactly a year ago when my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me after saying he wasn't ready for such a serious relationship. I needed a lot of help through the break up, it was very hard for me to move on. I was the dumpee and hearbroken and he was the evil dumper. After a trip to my country I felt a lot better and I thought I was finally getting over him. In December I started dating a guy that I've known for 4 years. He had tried to be with me for the past 3 years, and he claimed he loved me very much, so I decided to give it a try since I didn't feel in love with my ex anymore. We had such a wonderful time together... The holidays, January was perfect, I felt very very good with him, however I never fell IN LOVE with him, just felt good. Then suddenly one day I got a text message from my ex saying hi to me. I felt very weird when I realized he was trying to contact me, but I decided to ignore him. But he didn't give up, he kept on writing until I replied. I know this was a mistake, but what could I do? I know I was weak, but when I saw his insistence I couldn't help but feel curious and puzzled by his attitute, after all it had been a year of almost complete silence from his side, and as I said before I loved him very much. So a lot of feelings I thought were gone came back, but since I was with the new guy I didn't meet with him or anything, although I was dying to. This past Thursday, the new guy and I were talking and argued on some stupid issues and he metioned that he wanted me to go visit his family to his country and I felt that he was getting very serious. And it's not that I don't want a seriuos relationship, it's just that I don't feel it's right to be with someone that loves me and I can't feel the same... I broke up with him telling him that he deserved the best because he is an awesome guy, and I knew what I was losing, but that I didn't deserve him because I wasn't 100% sure I wanted to be with him. He went to my office on Friday to see if I had thought it over but I said that it was for his own good, again that he deserved somebody better. I never mentioned to him about my feelings for my ex because I thought it was gonna be painful, but those texts really messed me up. I feel very bad for doing this to him, I know that he really loves me, and I miss him very much, but I can't be with a person just because he is good with me, takes care of me, and takes me to places, I can't be that selfish, especially with someone that has been nothing but good to me. What hurts me most is to know that he is going through what I went last year when my ex left me. It just breaks my heart to think about his face when I broke it off. Of course he was hurt and he told he couldn't believe the words coming out of my mouth. I know it's the best decision I could have made, because even though I felt good with him, I never felt that illusion you are supposed to feel or that click I've felt before with former boyfriends, but I still feel very bad for having to do this to him. But I think it was better to do it now that we were only together for 3 months that when we were a year or two together. As for my ex of one year I have no idea what he wants, now that I am single again may be I'll talk to him and figure it out, but I must admit it scares me to see him again because I know I'm not completely over him, and I also know he made me suffer very much and he doesn't deserve me, but that's another story... Please let me know if you think I did the right thing!?! Link to post Share on other sites
klondike Posted March 1, 2010 Share Posted March 1, 2010 A very similar breakup happened to me recently (although she was not nearly as nice, I'll give you that one). The only problem is that I think one way or another your ex contacting you influenced your decision. If you gave this guy a solid chance before dumping him, and you know you would never have feelings for him... fine. I hope you thought long and hard about what you were throwing away before you dumped him if it was influenced by your ex somehow (which may have been everything, or nothing for all I know). Three months may not be enough time for you to fall in love, perhaps you should have given it longer than that if that's what you were expecting. If the guy you dumped knows that this ex was contacting you, there's no way in hell he isn't going to feel used, cheated, and lied to, whether that's the case or not. He'll think that you stuck with him until an opportunity with your ex cropped up, and then you dumped him to be single just in case your ex wanted you back or something. Hopefully he doesn't know anything about that. It sounds to me like you didn't have any other guys you were talking to, so you gave this guy a shot on a "Hey, why not?" basis and had him stick around (doubtless more excited to be with you than you with him) until the hint of something better - in this case thoughts about your ex - made you kick him to the curb. He probably feels like he was just your "good enough for the time being" relationship. I could be wrong, I don't know the situation, but if that's the case it isn't a very nice thing to do. Just sayin'. Good luck with the situation. =) P.S. You say you can't be with a person just because he's good with you, takes care of you, takes you to places etc. What the hell are your criteria then? Yes it would be selfish if you were playing him for just those things... but it sounds to me like the kind of qualities that would make you want to stick it out for a while and see where things go. Link to post Share on other sites
jen_r Posted March 1, 2010 Share Posted March 1, 2010 P.S. You say you can't be with a person just because he's good with you, takes care of you, takes you to places etc. What the hell are your criteria then? Yes it would be selfish if you were playing him for just those things... but it sounds to me like the kind of qualities that would make you want to stick it out for a while and see where things go. Thats not fair to say. Any loaded, rich guy could give you the world, doesn't mean your full attracted to him or his personality. Link to post Share on other sites
klondike Posted March 2, 2010 Share Posted March 2, 2010 Thats not fair to say. Any loaded, rich guy could give you the world, doesn't mean your full attracted to him or his personality. Indeed. I retract that entire statement, it isn't fair. I should say: He cares enough to do those things for you, doesn't that warrant sticking around and seeing where it goes, if the only reason you're leaving is because you don't feel "in love" after 3 months? He sounds like a pretty good guy. That is, if you are genuinely attracted to him and his personality, and then only reason you're breaking it off is because you aren't "in love" yet. If you're just not really into him, and that's the genuine reason you're breaking up, then by all means make a clean break, better now than later. You do seem to really care about the guy and his feelings, and you can sympathize because you've been in that position before, just be sure that your decision isn't being influenced by your ex, because it isn't worth throwing away a guy you like that will go the extra mile for you in order to get back with an ex that you also like who dumped you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Marina09 Posted March 2, 2010 Author Share Posted March 2, 2010 I'm not sure if my decision was influenced by the ex, but all I know is that I couldn't stick with him waiting to be in love and in the meanwhile think about my ex. I don't know, all this situation is really confusing and is making me feel bery bad, but deep down I know I did the right thing by letting him go and continue his life without me involved in it. Link to post Share on other sites
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