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I know I need to move on, I am still in Love


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 8th February 2010, 11:59 PM   #1
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Unhappy I know I need to move on, I am still in Love

My long term partner left over a year and a half ago now.

I was absolutely devastated and still am. Every day I pine for him. Our relationship was quite tumultous at times, we really had our difficulties, but I always stood by the fact that I loved him very deeply and I had faith that he was the one for me, even though sometimes I felt unsatisfied and dissappointed by him. But yet, my love for him always outweighed the problems and he would repent and promise to do whatever he could to keep me happy and our relationship together. We were like peas in a pod, we lived together and seemed too need no-one else.

Towards the end he became very distant and disinterested and I chastised him for this which eventually dissolved the relationship altogether. He moved out and I ws left to pick up the pieces. Since then I have moved many times and no-where feel like home.

We have remained in contact, we are still very close.
Sometimes he will stay with me for up to a week, and all is like it used to be, in a good way, passionate and affectionate. Until I ask any questions. He maintains he still loves me, but is not in love with me. He has moved on with his life, after all, it was him that wanted to leave, but I am still in love with him and in pain. He doesn't want me to contribute in his own life, I have never been in his new house, nor have I met his new friends. Yet, he will call me when he is lonely or sick, and always wants to know what I am doing and who with.

I find it incomprehensable that he can share such deep affection for me and be able to withdraw so easily. When he calls he still speaks in the little affectionate language that we share. I ask him how he can do this if he is not in love with me but he says 'its not my fault, this is our rapport'. I have tried, when I see him, to not engage like this but he will inevitably come to me and look to be close to me. Sometimes though, my desire gets the better of me and I will ask him to come home with me.

I know I should not be seeing him or in contact, I feel like there is little escape from how I feel. If I don't call him, he calls me. I always thought he was the one, I don't know how 'the one' could do this to me, but I feel like I could forgive anything, my love is so strong

Thanks if you can reply, and even if you can make it to the end of this rant, but as you know, these things cannot often be expressed in few words.

Much Love
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Old 9th February 2010, 12:05 AM   #2
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I understand that you love this man, but you have to love yourself first...you need to remove this guy from your life...you simply CANNOT be such close friends with him if you still have feelings for him while he does not share those feelings...

No wonder you're still in love with him...you've been in constant contact with him the past year and a half...being there for him when he's sick or lonely...this is NOT a good position to be in...and I'll be honest, you will NEVER get over him if you continue letting him be in your life like this...

You have to just be straight up with him and tell him that you cannot live like this anymore...move on and focus yourself on someone who actually wants to be with you...he DOES NOT deserve a person like you in his life...

It will definitely hurt a lot at first, but it's better to hurt now and be happy in the long run than it is to hurt for the long run...

LAUNCH...
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Old 9th February 2010, 12:27 AM   #3
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You are right USMCHokie this is what my friends tell me.
Hopefully someday I will meet a person who I can have a stable and loving relationship with. It is hard not to think about him or care for him, but obviously I need to cut all contact with him. I feel sorry for him, he was very alone when we started going out, and I guess I took it upon myself to make him feel loved and wanted. Someday it will be my turn! Bring on the good guys
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Old 9th February 2010, 12:32 AM   #4
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You are right USMCHokie

I am always right.


But seriously though, I know you love this man and want to care for him and make sure he's happy, but what about YOU? Are you caring for yourself and making sure YOU are happy? You obviously can't be happy being his friend...at least not right now...and perhaps you'll never be able to be his friend...but that's how life is sometimes...but you'll never know until you move on and find someone who deserves you...and maybe then you'll be able to come back and be the friend that he needs or wants...

I can't be friends with my ex...I haven't talked to her in over 4 months...and I'm not sure I'll ever be able to be her friend...and as much as I miss her, I know I'm better off without her rather than having to live through the pain of seeing her and not being able to be with her...
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Old 9th February 2010, 1:25 AM   #5
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I am always right.
Except when you turn left.

1013,

You will find an amazing man in your life. You need to focus on letting go and believing in your strengths and core attributes as a good person. I know you are a good person and you will move on shortly. You just need to put aside the love and realize that you're now carrying the love for two alone in a heart only built for as much love as one can carry.

So push forward and rediscover the little passions in life and slowly go from there. I promise you that you will find happiness in another soon enough.
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Old 9th February 2010, 1:28 AM   #6
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Except when you turn left.

Mmmm...touche...
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Old 9th February 2010, 11:24 AM   #7
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My long term partner left over a year and a half ago now.

I was absolutely devastated and still am. Every day I pine for him. Our relationship was quite tumultous at times, we really had our difficulties, but I always stood by the fact that I loved him very deeply and I had faith that he was the one for me, even though sometimes I felt unsatisfied and dissappointed by him. But yet, my love for him always outweighed the problems and he would repent and promise to do whatever he could to keep me happy and our relationship together. We were like peas in a pod, we lived together and seemed too need no-one else.

Towards the end he became very distant and disinterested and I chastised him for this which eventually dissolved the relationship altogether. He moved out and I ws left to pick up the pieces. Since then I have moved many times and no-where feel like home.

We have remained in contact, we are still very close.
Sometimes he will stay with me for up to a week, and all is like it used to be, in a good way, passionate and affectionate. Until I ask any questions. He maintains he still loves me, but is not in love with me. He has moved on with his life, after all, it was him that wanted to leave, but I am still in love with him and in pain. He doesn't want me to contribute in his own life, I have never been in his new house, nor have I met his new friends. Yet, he will call me when he is lonely or sick, and always wants to know what I am doing and who with.

I find it incomprehensable that he can share such deep affection for me and be able to withdraw so easily. When he calls he still speaks in the little affectionate language that we share. I ask him how he can do this if he is not in love with me but he says 'its not my fault, this is our rapport'. I have tried, when I see him, to not engage like this but he will inevitably come to me and look to be close to me. Sometimes though, my desire gets the better of me and I will ask him to come home with me.

I know I should not be seeing him or in contact, I feel like there is little escape from how I feel. If I don't call him, he calls me. I always thought he was the one, I don't know how 'the one' could do this to me, but I feel like I could forgive anything, my love is so strong

Thanks if you can reply, and even if you can make it to the end of this rant, but as you know, these things cannot often be expressed in few words.

Much Love
He is able to be passionate and affectionate (which i suppose means intimate?) with you without any commitment or responsibility to give you the respect you deserve as a woman. He is using you whether he knows this or not (i think he does) and u need to realize you are doin yourself more ahrm than good hanging around him when ur feelings are still there and his ARE not. He should know this but he is selfishly taking what he can from you. He is still connected to you in a physcial way but not emotionally or he wouldnt be able to do what he does to you. Im sorry you have to go through this but honestly take this advice..you need to let him go, and tell him to give you space to heal.
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Old 9th February 2010, 11:59 AM   #8
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What is that old saying? 'There, but by the grace of God, go I'.

If my ex-guy allowed it, I probably would have been in the same situation. It is just so comforting to not have to face it, to not have to move on. The pain of being left is incalculable, so acute, searing.

I hope you can find what you need in order to extricate yourself, if that is what you really want. Right now though, and I understand completely, you don't want extrication, you want things to be the way they were. Except now life is in limbo. You are stuck.

What I found by reading the posts on this forum is that once the break has been made the chances of things retuning to what they were is very slim. As much as we want it, it more than likely won't happen.

What I learned from my own experience is that when a guy tells you somehting about himself, believe it. If he tells you there is no future with him, take him at his word, he is not sugar coating it and he means it.

I hope you find your way and wish you peace.
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Old 9th February 2010, 12:09 PM   #9
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Hopefully someday I will meet a person who I can have a stable and loving relationship with...
TenThirteen you already have and it is time to get to know them. How do you do it focusing on yourself. Yes that person is you.

Stop it, do not roll your eyes at me. I mean it because I am really on to something here. Ok, now if you focus on yourself, spend this time to get to know who you are, what you want, how to enjoy life as a smart, self assured, single, saucy gal, then everything else you want will come easy. For smart, self assured, single saucy gals can smell looser from a mile away. And if your happy enought to live without being with a idiot, you will.

Read and live the following links:
The No Contact Guide
So you want a second chance?

For the time being the only relationship that matters is the one you build with yourself. There is no need to rush your crushes. Now get to work.


.
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Old 9th February 2010, 12:36 PM   #10
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You are hurting yourself

It is very easy for him and you to fall into old patterns. You ar in love with him but he does not seem to be reciprocating. He is not totally accepting you, he is only accepting the you that he likes.

By continuing to see him you are re-opening your wounds.
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Old 9th February 2010, 5:24 PM   #11
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Thank you everyone that repiled.

It makes me feel good to know that I am in control of this.
Some days are better than others but I know that every day I don't regress is a victory for me. I vow to be strong and not contact him. This forum is great, its nice to share experiences with people anonymously. I'll be visiting regulary and keeping you posted.


Much Love!
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Old 9th February 2010, 5:37 PM   #12
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Thank you everyone that repiled.

It makes me feel good to know that I am in control of this.
Some days are better than others but I know that every day I don't regress is a victory for me. I vow to be strong and not contact him. This forum is great, its nice to share experiences with people anonymously. I'll be visiting regulary and keeping you posted.


Much Love!
You on in control adn while it is usually a few set backs along the way, you will be a better you when for the effort.

Be kind to yourself.
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