nursing broken people back to health...

[thepulse27]

Hi all,

 

Reading the break up posts on here I can't help but be struck by how many of our relationships seem to have gone through a quite similar process. After helping a partner through a very hard time (or several of them), many of us seem to have been rewarded by being broken up with.

 

I know there are a lot of factors in situations like this; sometimes people want to sever ties to a horrible part of their life, and that unfortunately can mean the people in it as well.

 

Whether it is a bereavement, a traumatic event, or just a prolonged period of depression or feelings of inadequacy; many people seem to come out of the other side and then leave the person they cared for most and who helped them cope at their lowest point.

 

I know how bad this can feel: feeling like someone leaned on you long enough to be able to stand on their own two feet and then cast you aside. And I would be interested to hear your thoughts and experiences, and any ideas or insights that might help us in our heads (or just interest us). I would also be really grateful to hear this from a dumpers perspective (if any are reading this). I know it may be hard to admit to doing anything similar to what I described above, but I'm not interested in judging you; I just want to know what you went through.

[Ilovecake]

Wow. You know truthfully I had no idea this was a pattern on this site. It's exactly what happened to me.

 

I just got out of a hospital and was going through some really hard health issues. I put that aside and was completely there for my ex when his brother was going through something life altering and the entire family was falling apart. I helped his brother cope a lot, even gave him a place to stay and made sure both of them had a hot meal on the table each day. As soon as my ex’s brother was in a better place he moves out without even so much as a thank you.

Turned out not only was my ex's brother encouraging him to cheat on me the whole time but actually went out of his way to introduce him to the girl. Anyways, my ex did end up cheating on me with her and he also moved out a few days later and got a place to live with his brother.

[McGrupp]

when i met my ex she had been cutting herself and was heavily medicated. 3 + years later she has a job in the corporate world and im not good enough anymore.

 

fun!

[carhill]

My best suggestion, based on a lot of experience, is to do what you do, for you. Expect that there is no double-entry accounting; no precise tax return being filed. Establish a personal boundary and stick to it. When the boundary is breached, that's it. Done. Realize and accept that, for some people, there are no boundaries. They showed you who they were and are. If that was unhealthy, aren't you happy that they're out of your life? To me, it's kinda like getting cancer, fearing death, and then being cured. Back to life

[bananaboat11]

When I met my ex... she had just gotten out of a 4 year abusive relationship... and her ****face ex cheated on her for the last 2/4 years... the ex before him also cheated on her...

 

her parents are divorced...

 

...her sister refuses (older sister mind you) has been with her bf for 7 years and refuses to get married b/c of her parents divorce

 

...girl parties + hangs with lindsay lohan

 

I was used so she could pick herself back up. She is never coming back.

 

it still burns, but I am moving forward.

[HeavenOrHell]

This happened to me, ex was very depressed when we first got together, childhood abuse issues, before he left me, and after, he said I'd saved his life.

It's like I helped him get stronger over 18 years until he was strong enough to want more from life than me, well that's how it feels, like he thinks he's worth more now.

[dyzfunctioned]

Definitely been there as well.

[malc]

Me too, I was happy as can be, single traveller, globetrotting the world before I met my ex. She was a depressed and lonely exchange student, we met 18,000kms away from our home countries on the other side of the world, she got with me to conquer her loneliness, begged me to follow her around other nearby countries, and me being the fool I am, followed her thinking we were entering a good relationship where two people genuinely had huge feelings for each other. Now she is back home, shes dropped me, and does not care because she has her friends and close acquaintances back at her side and has forgotten all about the guy that was there when she most needed someone. So here I am, cant sleep, think of her constantly, and I bet she never thinks of me again.