Boyfriend wants time alone- should I just let him go?

[stuckinthemiddle]

My boyfriend and I have been dating on and off for about three years. The first two years went very smoothly - we were deeply in love (he is my first love) and spent a lot of time together. In the last year, however, things have become more and more strained- to a point where I don't even know if we are compatible anymore.

 

Long story short, he went through a long period of depression during which he pushed away everyone close to him, including me. Six months later, he came back and told me that he was happier, better, and realized how much he missed me. Because I cared about him and believed him, I gave him another chance.

 

The problem is that things have not gone smoothly for us at all. I wanted him to come back as the guy I fell in love with, but he's different. He wants a lot of alone time and doesn't make much of an effort to talk to me or hang out. I understand that he has a lot on his plate right now (picking up from his days of depression), but I am frustrated and tired of feeling like his last priority. He says we can't hang out because he has things he needs to get done, but I never see him making any progress on his list of things to do.

 

The few times that we do hang out, we have a lot of fun. The other times, though, we just spend fighting. I don't understand how he can love me but not need to see me. He chalks this up to him being a bit of a loner, and needing time to play video games or read. It seems, though, that he wants way more alone time than time with me. I know that this wasn't the way he's always been - he used to be much more excited about hanging out and making an effort.

 

I've tried to give him space. I've cut back on contacting him a lot, and only ask to hang out maybe once or twice a week. This seems to make him happy, but I just end up feeling hurt and confused. I'm not asking him to spend every second of everyday together, but I am also not satisfied with seeing him only twice over two weeks when we live 15 minutes apart!

 

I guess the point of this long-winded post is to ask, what should I do? He knows how I feel and it seems like it just boils down to the fact that I want to spend more time together than he does. He is happy with us seeing each other maybe once a week, with a few sporadic texts in between, but I am not. It's difficult because he's been my best friend for years - while there is a part of me that says it's over, it's hard to let go of someone so important in my life. He's told me that he thinks we've got a good thing going, but that's it's up to me if I realize that I want something different.

 

So, please help! I'm so confused and torn. I would love to hear your advice and what you guys have to say.

[sugarmomma]

aif he doesn't have time for you, you need to get a life and not have anytime for him. That way he sees how it feels to be rejected and neglected. Never ask a man for affection. They know that God made us that way and that is a huge need that we have. Sounds like this r is on his terms only. You deserve someone who wants to see you happy, not sad.

 

You are also responsible for your pain. Therefore, if he is the source of your pain, you may need to make a decision.

[SoulSearch_CO]

I agree with sugarmomma. He's making you low priority, so I think it's time to return the favor. Quit asking him to hang out - I'd leave it up to him to initiate. If the low interest continues, then I'd say you have your answer. But I'd start finding new things to occupy my time - things to keep me busy and my mind off of him. Your needs are not being fulfilled, here. If it were me, I'd just let him fade away...then he can have ALL the alone time he wants.